its not your fault if they are not a good sleeper

[ktgrok]

I just wanted to say that. My son HAD to be touching someone to be able to sleep, and coslept until he was 3 years old. He also woke many times a night, and didn't sleep through the night until probably almost 4 years old. My daughter sleeps great in her bassinet, better maybe, and by 3 weeks old was sleeping 4-6 hours at a stretch. I parented them both the same, but the results are very different.

Just something to offer those wondering if they are doing something "wrong" that is making their baby hard to get to sleep.

[Louisep]

I totally agree! It took me a long time to believe it and sometimes a falter in that belief so it's great to hear from mamas like you. I'm terrified to have a second terrible sleeper, so good to know that's not always the case.

[Everrgreen]

I've seen others post similar stories, and it is stories like this that I tell myself over and over It's nice to hear it again My DS isn't too bad, but it is hard when there seems to be so much pressure to have a baby sleeping through the night by a certain age. It isn't seen as 'normal' to have a 14 month old still waking to nurse through the night (except here on mdc - thank goodness!)

[Kreeblim]

Totally agreed. I've had two co-sleepers and one crib sleeper who all started out exactly the same but ended up as completely different sleepers by 12 months. As an adult I actually have terrible sleep issues and my sister sleeps normally...when I was young my poor mother was made to feel like my difficulty sleeping was her fault even though my close-in-age sister never had problems sleeping.

[lifeguard]

Thank you! I keep telling dh that I hope our next baby will prove it's not all my fault that he doesn't sleep well!

[maptome]

ktgrok, can you tell my MIL? =)

[Beauchamp]

Yes, please do tell my step-MIL, who is here now visiting. According to her, DD would STTN in a room down the hall. And I should stop "rewarding" her for waking at night (i.e. stop nursing her back to sleep.) Oh, also, I don't have the "right" toys (we have a few simple things) and so a blinky-blinky activity table will be here via expedited shipping in two days, courtesy of MIL. Crisis averted.

Sorry, I'm off topic from sleep. I am grateful for the OP, who is clearly trying to help us feel better. But today is a BAD day for me, and I am in the middle of it all. And it feels CRAPPY! I DO feel like a total failure. I feel like a horribly inept mama. I can't get my DD to nap and MIL raises her eyebrows into her hairline. I nursed her for 15 minutes and she was asleep, tried to get her to unlatch and she wouldn't. FINALLY got her unlatched and then...she's AWAKE! We return to the living room and I am, with a wordless look from MIL, instantly labeled a Pathetic Failure as a Mother.

I feel like s c r e a m i n g. My husband just left and took MIL to lunch, and I can't go because DD WON'T NAP and I don't want her getting a 10 minute "car nap" (like she did yesterday) and being wired and cranky all day, unable to settle, and then up every HOUR ALL NIGHT LONG.

I'm sorry to be the downer in what is supposed to be an encouraging post. But I really do feel like it is my fault. I am "The Mom" and I should be able to do this. My husband just repeats "it's OKAY" like a freaking parrot, and it's NOT OKAY. It's been horrible since 6 months old and it's only getting worse.

[Louisep]

Beauchamp- I have so been there at around the same age and I promise you, it so gets better. Please start telling people your dd is sleeping much better and at least you'll get them off your back. And you know, your dh is right, it really is okay. Your dd is going to be fine if she goes through a bad napping phase (I know bc that was us!), and you are both going to be okay in a few months or a year and I know you want it to be over now, but time will pass quickly and then you'll be the one writing this post to another mama.

Please get your dh to let you catch up on sleep whenever possible and you'll have a fresh perspective and lots of energy to deal with it all.

Hugs.

[Hokulele]

Amen, sister!!

My 1st could take 2-3 hours to fall asleep and then only sleep 45 min max at a time. Those were the longest two years of my life. Finally, at age three, she started to sleep in longer stretches.

DD#2 is super easy. So now I have proof that it wasn't ME giving DD#1 all the troubles sleeping.