How do you stop "trying"

[Em780]

My husband and I have been trying since September of 2008. He is active duty (Navy) and has been for 15 years (a lot of time on the boat!), and used to ride a motorcycle quite frequently, oh, and he's 32. He has a 6 year old from a previous marriage, but those are questions for our OB/GYN to answer. We spoke to him and we are starting to test soon. Anyhow, people always say "once you stop trying, you'll conceive." Ok, so how do you 'stop' trying or thinking about it? Any suggestions to relax about this subject? I just want to be a mom.

[JessicaS]

Hello!

I am moving this to Trying to Conceive, I am sure you will get a lot of support and information in there.

[karmab]

trying, not trying, trying to not try, not trying to try, whatever, that's not what determines what is going to happen!

if you have been trying for more than a year, you are right to talk to a doctor. there may be a very simple reason for why no luck yet. or there may be a very complex one, or even no answer. but in any case, it won't be because you were trying too hard, or because you are not relaxed enough about it!

good luck! hope you find your answers soon!

[Keria]

We decided to TTC 17 months ago, we have stoped trying a few times sometimes because TTC became too overwhelming and other times because I wanted to figure some things in my life and my marriage, you just put the thermometer down, step away from MDC or other TTC boards pay Zero atention to your fertility signs. WIth that said I don not believe the old when you stop trying it will happen, just because it happened to your cousins friend it doesn't mean anything, right now I'm trying with all we got.

[NSmomtobe]

I said, "Let's take a break from TTC this month. We don't want a end of December/early Jan baby because it's too close to Christmas." With that said, we did have sex once during my fertile time (rather than every day or every other day as we had been doing) and it was because we wanted to rather than because we had to. We knew we were taking a chance but didn't really expect anything to come of it.

As you can see by my signature, he was born Jan 3.

[lawmama1984]

ITA with karma on the getting checked out issue. It is a good idea since you have been trying so long. And I also agree with Keria about the "cousin"s friend" (love that example btw ). I really, really hate it when people just say to relax and stop trying so hard and then it will happen. Not necessarily, it won't, and that advice is neither medical nor scientific, and doesn't really help anything at all.

If you feel like you need to take a break for whatever reason, then by all means go for it! But don't do it b/c others are telling you to just relax and "stop trying."

and best of luck! Come join one of the TTC threads if you want! There are some really amazing, supportive, and knowledgeable women here.

[allisonrose]

You might consider checking out the infertility forum. Seeing a doctor is a very appropriate step since you've been ttc since 9/08. You might even consider seeing a specialist at this point. Some find that seeing an OB/GYN can be a waste of time.

Many people don't realize that IF is a medical condition which is why you get the stop trying and just relax comments.

My son was conceived after nearly 2.5 years with the assistance of modern medicine. I firmly believe that chances that I would have become pg without treatment to be very slim (although we fell into the unexplained category since they didn't find anything wrong with our tests). Yet my hubby thinks it was because we went to visit my family after our IUI and I "relaxed".

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by Em780

Anyhow, people always say "once you stop trying, you'll conceive." Ok, so how do you 'stop' trying or thinking about it? Any suggestions to relax about this subject? I just want to be a mom.

I have no suggestions, but I wanted to second the people who point out that it really does not work that way.

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

[karmab]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

[lawmama1984]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

I have no suggestions, but I wanted to second the people who point out that it really does not work that way.

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

Lol!!!! LOVE this!

[MaerynPearl]

We tried for 2 years (7 cycles thanks to the Marine Corps) and the one cycle we conceived we had originally agreed not to try so I wouldnt be huge pregnant at our wedding and when I moved down to NC to be with him.... but he had JUST come home from Iraq....

So now Im 15 weeks... in 15 more weeks I will be HUGE pregnant.... and getting married/moving to NC lol

but we didnt not try... more of an agreed not to try but did anyway lol.

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by Em780

Anyhow, people always say "once you stop trying, you'll conceive." Ok, so how do you 'stop' trying or thinking about it? Any suggestions to relax about this subject? I just want to be a mom.

omg, this is my MOST PET PEEVE advice. Check out the thread I started about this over in infertility. I hope it gives you a laugh along with some commiseration.

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

[TheDivineMrsM]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

I have no suggestions, but I wanted to second the people who point out that it really does not work that way.

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

I am absolutely stealing this one. LMAO.

I don't know if it's possible to "stop" trying. I feel like I'd still be tracking even if my DH fed my thermometer to our cat. Since you've been TTC for awhile, seeing a doctor might be step in the right direction, just to rule out the possibility of any issues.

Good luck and welcome to MDC!

[lifeguard]

You slap the person suggesting that 'cause they're being insensitive jerks. Sorry, but after 6 years of ttc it always left my flabbergasted when people would give this little "gem" of advice.

Best luck!

[Keria]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

I have no suggestions, but I wanted to second the people who point out that it really does not work that way.

If it entertains you, you might try telling these people about your cousin's friend, who only got pregnant after people stopped giving her worthless advice.

love that one I may steal it, I did say to a friend well my cousin D got pregnant while drunk in a party sleeping with someonelses boyfriend, so hey let's have a party get drunk bring your husband, luckily she is a good friend and knows I have a weird sense of humor so we just laughed and she "got" it.