am I the only one that wants this baby?

[corysmilk]

I wish family members would keep there opinins to themselves. Just because I am having a fourth child does not give anyone the right to say mean things to me. like," haven't you figured out what causes that" haha, not funny. this baby was planned. anyone else getting any slack?? about having MORE children?

[organicmom3]

I haven't heard direct comments on that, but I've been made aware that people in the family have avoided even asking how I am because they think it's ridiculous for me to have a 3rd eleven years after the 2nd at age 41 and they don't 'believe' it was unplanned..... I can just imagine what WILL be said if my hubby and I continue discussion of actually planning a 4th right now!

I do remember an aunt that had questions posed to her such as yours though...in that case, the people that spoke the questions really were just kidding...it's the ones that didn't say anything that were being judgemental.... that's the way my family works....

sorry you are going through this....just focus on your own joy and realize that people are dealing with their own issues when they judge you

[northwoods]

That's awful.

A good friend of mine had three kids in three years, and she got LOTS of such comments when she was pregnant with the third. When I heard the news and congratulations, she said that I was the only person who said "congratulations." That breaks my heart. Babies are always a joy, no matter their timing or number.

Just keep in mind that these folks are thinking more about how funny they are than how you might feel. And hang in there!

[BetsyS]

I'm only pregnant with #3, and my inlaws asked if they should give congrats or condolences. Ugh.

What makes it worse is that dh is their 4th child. He felt really good that his parents were lamenting our 3rd child. Makes you wonder what they felt about him, you know?

[CherryBomb]

I hate that stupid "don't you know what cause that HAR HAR" comment. I've just started answering with "yeah. Sex." and people usually shut up

I'm pregnant for the 6th time (though it will only be our 4th living) and even after my SECOND I had family members asking me if I was getting my tubes tied. After my third my granny asked me AGAIN if I was getting my tubes tied, and I said no, and she got all angry and said "well why not?" Uggh.

I hate that our society views children so negatively.

[fruitfulmomma]

Not currently pregnant, but we have 5 so far and yeah, my husbands gets those dumb comments and told to go get "fixed" (as though it's not working properly!) and whatnot. I just get the evil eye from passerbyers. We had our boy and girl in the first two children so I guess we were supposed to be done then and then when I got pregnant with #3 was when we started getting comments. Maybe by #6 they'll just assume we're crazy and leave us alone.

You could respond with...
"Do you really want to talk about that?"
"Obviously."
"Yes, and we really like it."
"Why? Are you confused? Cause I could it explain it if you need some help."
"Well, we think we know, but we are still experimenting."

or something along those lines. I mean seriously, since when is the issue of another couples sex life something for polite conversation?

We do get positive comments too though, mostly from older men it seems, who had a bunch themselves.

[umsami]

I got that from my MOm....twice. First, when I told her I was pregnant (#4 too)... and then when I called to tell her it was a boy. All sorts of nasty comments like how my husband should shut down the factory.... poor you... .I hope you're going to get help... etc. It was really disheartening.

On the other hand, my Dad was great.... super excited both times. And a friend of my Mom's just sent me a congratulations card yesterday which was a nice surprise.

[MyFillingQuiver]

I am VERY sorry you are having to deal with this. Attitudes about new life in our current society make me ILL. Everyone feels they have "a choice" about limiting their family size with b/c, sterilization and abortion, but when a family makes a choiceto have more children, or in our case, be open to as many as God gives us, then we get slammed.

It's a terrible thing that children are now only viewed as blessings when they are 1) appropriately timed, 2) appropriately spaced, 3) limited to the number that other people thinks is appropriate, and 4) provided for in a manner which OTHERS think is appropriate-ie: to me, most are spoiled.

We got such heat when I was pregnant with our fourth child that I ended up having a tubal ligation at her birth. Immediately it followed with post tubal ligation syndrome (PTLS) and later, intense regret. It was the worst decision ever, and it was based on women in my family who have chosen careers outside the home, and 2 children, thinking they had a say in our choice to have children.

I had it reversed after nearly 4 years of dealing with health problems and regret. I was fortunate to become pregnant again immediately, and now another time. I am due with our 6th and ANYONE who wishes to discuss our reproduction with us, better be prepared to discuss it on a respectful and educated Biblical level with me...this is not a case of "irresponsibility" or being oversexed..it's a case of us desiring to be open to God's blessings..and my 24 hr a day parenting and raising of these blessings. They can choose b/c, and have their perfectly planned lives..I'll never judge or question them..We prefer the home-centered life of having our hands blessedly full in raising mindful and compassionate Christian children. I just expect the same in return, as I'm sure you do!

Blessings...Oh, and I WANT this baby for you..Not sure what your belief system, if any, but I also personally believe God wants that baby for you.

[COgirl19]

Can I just say congratulations to everyone on their many blessings? That is so terrible what is being said to you guys. I am only on my second and I hope and pray for many more happy healthy children...

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by BetsyS

my inlaws asked if they should give congrats or condolences.

*jaw drops* SERIOUSLY?



I'm only pregnant with number two, but I got pregnant when the first one was only 9 months old (and, despite what many think, yep it was planned). So I got a lot of stupid comments. My response has mostly been similar to CherryBomb's:

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

I hate that stupid "don't you know what cause that HAR HAR" comment. I've just started answering with "yeah. Sex." and people usually shut up

Although I usually elaborate with "Lots of wild sex" because it makes most people turn red. Their fault for asking an inappropriate question.

Although I love these, especially the fourth one.... the first one is great if you're not very brazen, haha, and just want to shut someone down right away.

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma

You could respond with...
"Do you really want to talk about that?"
"Obviously."
"Yes, and we really like it."
"Why? Are you confused? Cause I could it explain it if you need some help."
"Well, we think we know, but we are still experimenting."

As far as comments on getting "fixed", yeah, I would say "well, obviously everything is already working just fine!"


Sorry you're not getting support, OP. But there is really nothing you can do to affect how other people feel-- just don't let their attitudes affect how YOU feel. And congratulations on your pregnancy Babies are awesome.

[sostinkinhappy]

Originally Posted by corysmilk

Just because I am having a fourth child does not give anyone the right to say mean things to me. like," haven't you figured out what causes that"

My response: An enthusiastic "Yes!!! And it sure was a lot of fun!!!!"

Shuts them right up.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

I mostly get the "looks." You know where complete strangers count my kids, and then look accusingly at my belly. I just ignore them. We work hard, support our children, and are uber recyclists so whatever:P

My family wouldn't even dare comment in the light of how many several of my cousins have:P And I've only had one negative comment from a woman whom I went to Weight Watchers with. She asked where I was and I said "Oh, I'm pregnant." Her response? "What did you stop breastfeeing?" said in a very nasty tone. I was caught off balance because holy hostility but answered "No I had sex. Do you need a book?"

[FireWithin]

I am so sorry. It is such a sad comment for such a joyous occasion.

We are only on our third. I felt really nervous about telling my FIL, and chose to have DH tell him on the phone.

My MIL always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but FIL only wanted two. Mostly because of the convenience factor (environments are often made for a family of 4). I know she really wished for more. I didn't want to see any negative feedback from FIL because I wasn't sure if I could ever forgive him. At this point he is joyous and happy, but not sure how he felt in the beginning.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by GreenTeaGinger61

"What did you stop breastfeeing?" said in a very nasty tone. I was caught off balance because holy hostility but answered "No I had sex. Do you need a book?"

That cracked me up

Serves her right for being rude!

[Adamsmama]

I just found out I'm expecting #4, as well, and mostly positive comments from family ... my dad was probably trying not to be negative but he definately has his opinions. He said in this economy that it is rough (and probably crazy) yada, yada, yada ... and his mother (my deceased grandma) told him that he was crazy to have 3 (that makes me feel great, as I'm the youngest) ... and I said, but wait dad, didn't grandma have 4 kids during the Great Depression??? Hmmm...puts things in perspective.

[corysmilk]

Originally Posted by MyFillingQuiver

I am VERY sorry you are having to deal with this. Attitudes about new life in our current society make me ILL. Everyone feels they have "a choice" about limiting their family size with b/c, sterilization and abortion, but when a family makes a choiceto have more children, or in our case, be open to as many as God gives us, then we get slammed.

It's a terrible thing that children are now only viewed as blessings when they are 1) appropriately timed, 2) appropriately spaced, 3) limited to the number that other people thinks is appropriate, and 4) provided for in a manner which OTHERS think is appropriate-ie: to me, most are spoiled.

We got such heat when I was pregnant with our fourth child that I ended up having a tubal ligation at her birth. Immediately it followed with post tubal ligation syndrome (PTLS) and later, intense regret. It was the worst decision ever, and it was based on women in my family who have chosen careers outside the home, and 2 children, thinking they had a say in our choice to have children.

I had it reversed after nearly 4 years of dealing with health problems and regret. I was fortunate to become pregnant again immediately, and now another time. I am due with our 6th and ANYONE who wishes to discuss our reproduction with us, better be prepared to discuss it on a respectful and educated Biblical level with me...this is not a case of "irresponsibility" or being oversexed..it's a case of us desiring to be open to God's blessings..and my 24 hr a day parenting and raising of these blessings. They can choose b/c, and have their perfectly planned lives..I'll never judge or question them..We prefer the home-centered life of having our hands blessedly full in raising mindful and compassionate Christian children. I just expect the same in return, as I'm sure you do!

Blessings...Oh, and I WANT this baby for you..Not sure what your belief system, if any, but I also personally believe God wants that baby for you.

thank you so much. I do belive that God has a plan for my life. i didn't get pregnant for years and this baby is very much a miracle. aren't they all? its nice to know that I can come here and get support.

[MamaFern]

yep..that's why im not telling anyone in my family for a long time.. i have told friends that i know will be happy for me, and my own kids know of course... but my mother, sister, auntie ect. will just be irritated with me for having another baby, im sure.. so ill just wait it out. we live super far from them all anyways.
and this baby was wanted and planned and tried for, which they will just totally not get

sorry mama. some people have no idea

[moxygirl]

Congrats on your baby! I agree with PP, don't let anyone steal your joy.

I'm only pregnant with my second (albeit VERY close to the birth of my first) and someone in my family who shall remain nameless (NOT my mom) said "Oh no!! What are you going to do???"... Uh... have the baby? Duh. We weren't preventing... This person is now very happy but that - no kidding - was her first reaction. Luckily I was prepared, knowing her view on things. DH's mom's first reaction was "Oh no!! Congratulations!!!" which was just plain funny.

[guestmama9973]

we have a large family, and people say rude things all the time. we are both college educated, which apparently means we should "know better". Enjoy your pregnancy and iqnore dumb people. We are pregnant with baby number 6 and don't have the courage to tell our families...

[Bethla]

Almost ready to pop with #4, and the fourth boy at that...so you can imagine the comments. None particularly negative. We have actually had a lot of great support. My dh's side of the family all seem to have lots of babies, but mine tend to have 2 and they are done. It's funny because they tend to be very status focused and into THINGS more than their children (not saying anyone else is this way just noticed it more about my own family). So I guess you can see I always feel more comfortable around dh's family (the babymakers)