embarassed to supplement in public - Page 2

[kriket]

Originally Posted by averlee

Some people may judge you- either because your boobs are out, or you're supplementing, or your baby is crying, or your clothes are rumpled. They can lump it.

yep.

There are a million reasons to FF. Maybe you adopted? maybe (like you) you have IGT, maybe you're a babysitter or nanny. Maybe you're really the daddy and like to dress as a woman.

There is no 'right' way to do anything. The best you can do is your best.

[zinemama]

There is about a bazillion times more judgment about mothers who ff (or do anything, really) online than there is in the real world. MDC attracts a particular population of women with a particular mindset. It is not the mindset of the general population. Of course you can never tell what's in someone's mind. But I would be surprised if anyone so much as raised an eyebrow in your direction.

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by averlee

Just want to point out, no matter how you feed your baby, somebody will be horrified.

I completely agree with this. You can feed your baby in the way that works the best for you, in public and at home, knowing that you have made the efforts you are at peace with, and have every darn right to be proud of. No matter how we feed a baby in public, there will be people who have a negative opinion of it. Quite frankly their opinions or judgements are their concerns, not your thing to worry about. If anyone did ever have the gall to criticize you for bottle feeding, first of all, that person would not be a very positive representative for breastfeeding and would have a lot to learn; and second, as was mentioned before, you have a story to tell that would hopefully make them think twice about ever giving a bottle feeding mom a hard time in the future. I believe there are also many more people who won't care one way or another how you feed your child.

Also, if this helps - I was in a LLL group with a mom who bottle-fed formula. She had been through "the worst thrush" her doctor "had ever seen in his life" - twice - and had completely dried up to get rid of it, then relactated twice, had been through high doses of drugs, and it just came back with a rage both times - she finally just decided to FF and enjoy her baby. She had the full support of the LLL group, and we all gave her our formula samples and coupons, and enjoyed each others' company.

[basje]

You are doing the best you can

And that's what's best for your baby! I also echo some of the other posters in suggesting that you use your SNS in public. The extra nipple stimulation is something you need, and then your baby will get whatever milk you are producing and the benefits of that skin to skin. I would highly doubt 90% of people would notice you're supplementing, and if they did who wouldn't be impressed by your dedication? To start I would start going to some LLL meetings and nurse there to have a safe and comfortable environment to get used to doing it in public.

[TzippityDoulah]

feed your baby and be blessed that you can feed him the breastmilk you can feed him! ((hugs)) I know how you feel b/cI went through a similar situation with my 2nd baby. (she has some devlopmental things that ddin't allow her to nurse so my milk dried up and we had to use a bottle...) anyhow I was SO embarrased and thinking everyone was judging me. I cringed being out with a bottle. I was so sad worrying about what other thought... and then I realized most people in real life (as sad as it is!) don't give a crap what they feed a baby. they aren't going to bat a lash at you.

you will toughen with time. the sooner you find confidence in what you do the better you'll feel. any mom who judges another mom without knowing anything about them is the idiot - not the other way around. shame on anyone who sits and looks down their nose at a bottle feeder, or a baby with a pacifier, or a mom use a *gasp* stroller instead of a sling... it's them that suffer! judgemental people judge themselve right out of having friends.

((hugs)) do what you need to feed your baby the best you can and all will be well.

[GandEmama]

I hear you! I am in the same place.

Over time I have learned to not let it get to me as much because I know that I am doing what is best for my baby and have truly given it my all. I have also found that it helps me to deal with my issues to speak out about bfing problems and encourage other moms who also are struggling for whatever reason. I try and be really open about why I supplement, how hard it was for me to have to accept it was something I was going to have to do, etc.

I feel like my struggles have really helped me grow as a lactivist as well. Before I personally had to pump and bottle feed as well as supplement, I used to sometimes judge women who FF after trying BF and not succeeding. Now, having been through my own struggles, I know that many women are far from "just not trying" when they encounter difficulties. I feel like my own experiences helped me see the world of motherhood in less black and white terms and have really helped me grow, KNIM?

The thing is, as PPs have mentioned, some Moms and lactivist are terribly judgemental and have no idea what it's like to go through very serious BFing challenges. If they did know what it was like they would not be so judgemental. Your struggles could help other women get through their own challenges. We need more women who speak openly about BF challenges. I wish Mothering would consider publishing more stories about it as well.

You are an awesome mom, and be proud that you are doing what you know is right for YOUR baby. If you feel up to, speak out about your problems with bfing...you never know when your example might encourage another mom who is also struggling.

We need more diversity of voices in the BF community.