Does my seventh month old need time away from me??

[jacobsmom813]

I am a SAHM to a seventh month old baby boy. He has been a very high needs baby with reflux and colic since birth and lots of sleeping difficulties, fussiness, etc. I have been with him almost every day and night since birth (though I've had help from family and friends in the home). My husband has only been alone with him for an hour or so a couple of times. My husband has been suggesting that I leave him alone with someone "just for practice" because he thinks ds will really benefit from time away. DS still nurses every 2 hours at most (often wants to nurse every hour) so it has just made sense and felt natural to be with him all the time. However, I have noticed that he is developing stranger anxiety and I don't want him to become afraid of other people and new situations because I am always there to hold and soothe him. I also don't want my own anxiety about leaving my high needs little guy to get in the way of his potential need for some time away from mama.

Most moms in my circle are at least working part time or getting sitters here and there for free time so I am really in the minority in terms of the fact that I've never left him!

Thoughts?

[atlantafemme]

From everything I've read, I would say stranger anxiety is a normal phase that many babies go through around this time. It's not likely to be affected by you leaving your LO for a few hours here and there.

My 10-month-old LO has developed anyone-other-than-mommy-anxiety. When he sees me, he wants to be in my arms immediately. I'm out of the house for at least 2-4 hours a day to work while my DP watches him. And while he loves DP, he wants me and only me when he's at all tired, hungry, or if I've been gone for an hour, etc.

But if you want some time away for your own mental health, by all means, I say pump and go for it. And maybe your DH is hinting that he'd like more alone time with the baby?

[alegna]

Infants do not "need" time away from mom.

If you need a break, you should get one, but no, he does not NEED to be away from you.

Neither of mine were away from me with any regularity at that age.

-Angela

[Katie T]

IMO I don't think a baby "needs" time away from mommy. If you need it that's a different story. I think the best thing you can do if you want to help him through his stranger fear is bring him around others but if he doesn't want to leave your arms don't force him to ( fear of strangers is normal & IMO shouldn't be rushed they will outgrow it usually and for the rare kid that doesn't I think you should still respect it)

As far as others leaving there babies I have found some mama's either have to or some choose to but that is what is right for there little one's. I'm in no rush at that age to leave my babies.( I work out of the house 2 days a months and that is hard enough) But for everything besides work I bring them with me and mine aren't fearful of strangers. (Not because I bring them everywhere that just there personality, but if they where I def. wouldn't be willing to leave them.

It sounds like you are doing a great job listening to your babies needs. Keep up the good work!

[tzs]

i agree, i think they go through what they go through no matter what.

but i feel you. sometimes i think my 6 mo babe would benefit from a couple hours away. i just think she gets "bored." i mean, when we go out to mom-and-me group she's in heaven and plays for 2 hours without even turning around to see if i'm there. but at home she can get pretty needy. (regular baby stuff but it's like she loooovvvves being out with other people.)

[tzs]

p.s. i think it's AWESOME that your husband is so supportive of getting you some time.

[bandgeek]

No, it's not necessary. If you WANT to try and leave him, then sure, go for it. But don't do it if it's going to be stressful for both of you and only because you think you need to.

I didn't really leave my DS at all until he was 18 months. It's fine. He was perfectly comfortable with most close friends and family by 2 1/2. And by then I didn't need to worry about him needing to nurse all the time.

[Path2Felicity]

My DD is a little over 4 months and I haven't left her for more than 10 minutes to go grab something at the grocery store and come back VERY quickly (10 minutes even seemed too long). I also don't plan on leaving her at all until she is at least a year. That is, if I don't get frustrated till then (I may want some "me" time).

So, no, I don't think that a baby needs time away from you at all... in fact, I think it's healthy for babies to have mom with them. They don't have an identity separate from you right now.

But, if you need some time by yourself, you should take it, mama

[newbiemama09]

i agree with the PPs, your kiddo doesn't need time away from you, but i STRONGLY encourage a break for your sanity/emotional stability. raising a high-needs babe is VERY difficult, so i think that you need a break. plus you clearly have a very supportive DH who would like to spend more time with the kiddo himself! go spend some girl time with friends!

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by alegna

Infants do not "need" time away from mom.

If you need a break, you should get one, but no, he does not NEED to be away from you.

Neither of mine were away from me with any regularity at that age.

-Angela

Exactly what I was going to say. Think about the things you "need." Does having time away from them or not getting them make you need them less? He's still so little. I was rarely away from my son at that age for more than an hour or two because he was also super high needs. I am glad I didn't put either of us through the trauma of forced time away just for the sake of it. There were times when I needed a break, and that is one thing, but to do it just to do it seems pointless to me. good luck!

[MeepyCat]

The person who might really benefit from this arrangement is your husband. It is all kinds of win for him - he gets some one-on-one bonding and some practice dealing with your son, and then (we hope) you come home refreshed and happy. I think it would be a really good thing for you too, in that you would end up with a more confident and capable partner, as well as getting a bit of a break.

[donutmolly]

Your baby might not need it, but I bet YOU do!

DD1 was my high needs baby -- and I had no idea how exhausted I was until I had my next baby (with a "normal" temperament) and realized how much more work it takes to keep a high needs baby happy. You have a tough job, and a break will help you function better!

Having Dh take care of your baby solo will pay endless dividends. I wish I had given myself permission to hand over the reins to my Dh during those early months. You don't have to be gone for long to get recharged -- go for a walk, to the grocery store, etc -- and see how it goes!

[BrittneyMarie]

If it makes you feel any better, my dd is 6.5 months and I just left her with dh for 30 minutes for the first time this morning

[JMJ]

DD will be a year old next week, and I have never left her for much more than an hour and only with DH. She is EBF (no bottles ever), and eats at least every hour, so she needs me. She's a pretty happy baby, and the few times that I have needed a break, a 15 minute walk with Daddy does the trick. She is still going through a bit of a stranger anxiety phase. She is comfortable interacting with people as long as they don't try to pick her up, and I'm in sight. I want her to feel like she can always count on be being there for her when she needs, and I have no plans to leave her alone in a situation that would make her uncomfortable just so that she'll get over it ever. I enjoy being around her, and when I struggle, I focus on how to regain and retain that joy rather than focusing on how to change or get away from my daughter and her needs.

[jacobsmom813]

Thanks everyone! Your responses are really helpful. It's funny, I guess I haven't really felt like I NEED time away from him-I'm definitely ready for DH to get home each night and totally psyched for the weekend to arrive to have extra hands but I don't really have a list of things I want to do away from DS. Yoga once in a while would be awesome so I may see if a weekend class would be a good place to start having DH practice babysitting

Thanks again!

[colsxjack]

Our DD is 8.5 months old. My wife has been home with her since birth. For the first 5 months my wife never left her. But she needed a break. Finally we worked it out that occasionally I take the baby for a walk or to the coffee shop with me. A couple of times now my wife has gone for brunch with a friend, and once to the spa. I also take the baby for an hour or two in the morning about 4 days a week to let my wife get some alone sleeping time (we co-sleep and the baby feeds half the night).

It has been a wonderful experience for me. At first I was a little stressed and nervous. But I think that it has made me a more confident parent. And I think it has made my wife trust that I can parent...even if I do it differently than her.

I am actually going to take the last 2 months of parental leave (we are in canada and get 12 months) and stay home with our DD while my wife goes back to work. (i am more nervous about this because it is all day, but confident that it will all work out). And my wife and I are trying to work out ways that I can make my career more flexible so that between the two of us we will have a parent at home at all times.

We have also recently left our DD for an hour with a friend while we went out. That was hard but it went well. But I do not think we will be doing that too often.