Youngest Child = "Spoiled"?

[JayGee]

I have 3 children (8, 6, and 3). My older two are at school all day and my 3 year old is at home with me. All day long she is lovely ~ helpful, kind, fun, funny. The SECOND her big brother and sister get off the bus it is non-stop fussing, crying, whining, picking fights, and vying with them for my attention. I'd really like to talk with my older two about their day, get them a snack, help with homework, etc., but DD2 makes all of that virtually impossible. DH says I've "spoiled" her by giving her so much attention all day that she can't stand to share me with her siblings in the afternoons .

Any ideas on how to help DD2 transition more easily from having her Mama to herself to "sharing" me with her siblings when they get home from school?

[sweet]

Simple Solution. Have another baby and then she will no longer be the youngest :-)

[Just1More]

How long has she been 3?  Because if she is getting closer to 4, you might be able to reason with her about it.  You might be able to explain that she has had your attention all day, and the others need some, too.  It isn't nice for her to act like that everyday.  How would she feel if they did that to her?  Maybe you can help her brainstorm some solutions of things she can do so they can have some time with you, too.  Maybe, it can be her job to fill their cups for snack time, or get the food from the fridge.  Or something else so she feels included. 

Or, maybe it's her time of day for a bit of "quiet time" with book on the couch. 

Can you start a "get ready for the big kids" routine 15 minutes or so before they get home.  She can help you set the table, get out UNO or some game to play all together.  Maybe start a more formal "show and tell" every afternoon where everyone gets their few minutes to tell about their day?  She can sit on your lap while the others take their turn. And, of course, it will buy you a few minutes while she looks for the paper she colored, or gets her nicely made bed straightened for showing off.

And...I'd be tempted to explain to the older ones, too.  I'd have THEM help me make it a fun time for the littlest, and then make it worth their while by putting her to bed earlier and focusing on just them.

[meemee]

this is one of the things that i think that age will clear up. growing older and maturity will bring on a change. 

maybe perhaps you can give your 3 year old homework too. do u think dd2 might enjoy being treated as a student too? 

i think no matter what you do, some kids just demand more attention than others. 

if instead of being the youngest she was the oldest, i am sure she would have continued wanting your attention too. and been more jealous of the babies. 

though 3 is just a tough age - for them. esp. if she is a spirited one. 

at one time my 5 year old was jealous of a BABY because i was holding him and taking care of him, instead of her.

it was a phase and didnt last long. 

[mamazee]

LOL. You know, it occurs to me that people call kids spoiled no matter what situation they're in. My oldest was supposedly spoiled because she didn't have to share me. The youngest is spoiled because she is with me alone so much. Everyone is spoiled ! No, I don't really think that. I think that everyone has needs and they all have a hard time sharing at 3.

It is probably hard for her to have your attention suddenly off her when they get home. She doesn't necessarily get that you're giving them attention because she's had her turn. It might feel liek you only care about her when there's nobody else around to care about. You might try talking to her specifically about how she had her turn with you and now they need a turn. 3-year-olds are starting to really get the concept of taking turns.

I have this problem to some extent with my 3-year-old when my 10-year-old gets home. I try to involve the 3-year-old in whatever I'm doing with the 10-year-old, as best I can. "Can you help me get a snack for your sister?" Or I'll ask the older one to sit with both of us and tell US what she did that day.

[JayGee]

Funny to read this since I posted it two years ago! The kids are now 10, 8, and 6 and the problems I was having with my then 3-year-old are gone. I think a lot of it had to do with that malady known as "being 3"!

[4evermom]

Ha! Only 2 years for you to get a little advice.