How would you respond if your 6 y.o. DS said,

[LuckyMommaToo]

"That brown boy hit the ball really well!" after his baseball game?

We live in a diverse area. I wasn't there. DH said he would've guessed South American for the boy.

Ack! Do I discuss this with DS or not?

thanks,
-e

[mamaflutter]

Well I've been there befor my son said something like that arround that age too. My dd more recently said when our friends were at our house why r kendras kids brown? I could not belive it but I just said cuz they were made like that and she was happy with that. With a six year old however it might take a bit more explination its an inquisitive age. He might have just said it because it was the best way he could think to describe the kid it dosent sound like he ment it to be mean just to say that's the kid I'm talking about. I really wouldn't read too much into it. If you feel like you should talk to him about it I'd keep it short to the point and let him ask questions.

[honeybunmom]

Well, I am brown and my dd is not. She, in her own true words, is "peach". We were going to visit my husband's brother and his family this past Sunday and she wanted to know what color they are. Drives me BANANAS! I have to remind myself that it is truly just an observation of hers and that I have all of the other connotations that come with color - the first being race. I just said "peach, like you and papi". Sometimes I'll ask her why it matters. At the end of the day, I believe I have to have a dispassionate response so that it does not become an "issue".

[Eaglevoice]

I agree with honeybummom that a dispassionate response is good. I'm subbing to hear other suggestions because we are having an issue with dd2 always pointing out brown boys and girls in public.

[sept04mama]

My son calls people brown all the time. It's just a way to describe them. He also says "the girl with orange hair like you, Mommy," or "that boy that is really skinny" if he forgets names. He has friends that are brothers, one brown (african) and one really pale white. At first he couldn't remember names so he said brown one or white one. I think it's not a big deal to him, so I haven't made it one. They will have plenty of time to learn about everything surrounding our colors as they grow up. (unfortunately, sometimes)

[SunshineJ]

I would have replied with "Yes, he sure did!". Kids at that age identify the obvious. If the child had had really shocking bright red or gold hair, he'd probably had identified him by that. It wasn't anything racial, it wasn't insulting, there was no motivation behind it, it was just a statement of fact by a child. At that age it's very possible that the other child made a similar observation to his parents about the peach or tan child. I really wouldn't stress over it for a minute at that age.

[Thalia the Muse]

It's just descriptive, not a slur. And it provides a good opening for talking about how people come in different shapes, sizes, colors, and hair textures and we're all from different parts of the world, but we're all people.

[loraxc]

Your child is noticing race. They do that! And they wonder why we never talk about it! This is your opener to say, "Yes, that boy has brown skin. But we don't call him a 'brown boy.' We would say..." You say you weren't there, so that's tricky, but if you know the race, introduce the race. "People with that color of skin are called African American people." Or whatever. 6 is certainly old enough to talk about this. DD is 6 and knows that people come in different races and that black people were historically discriminated against.

[minkin03]

my oldest first started noticing different races around 4 when she went to a summer camp and was actually around more diversity. at first she would say she didn't like certain kids based on the color of their skin but imo it was b/c it wasn't familar for her. i explained to her that God made everybody different b/c if we were all the same it would be boring. her and her dad have more of an olive complexion and tans easily, where as her sister and i are very pale. and she had a good friend at the time whose father was middle eastern. i used these examples (me, sister, dh, friend) and compared skin with milk. there are all kinds of variations of milk.... there's white milk.... and there's chocolate milk. and we mixed different amounts of white and chocolate milk to make different colors. she was happy with that and has been fine with it ever since.

[St. Margaret]

Nurtureshock (so take it as you will) says that actually talking about race is the only way (for whites, at least-- it was written mostly addressed to whites) to raise non-racist kids. Just living in a diverse environment actually raised levels of racial stereotype thoughts, unless parents talked about it specifically. So DD (she's almost 3) has been noticing race a bit, and we just talk about it. Hopefully it will make it easier for her than it can be for us .

[redpajama]

Well, I suppose if I agreed, I'd say, "Yes, he did--didn't he?"

Similar to if he said, "That blonde girl runs really fast," or "That kid with the glasses has cool shoes."

If he said, "Brown boys are good at baseball," or "Kids with glasses are smart," or something, I would probably ask him what he thought that (skin color, wearing glasses, et cetera) had to do with ability.

But if he just used "brown" as a way to describe a child whose skin was, in fact, brown, I don't know what there would be to "address."

[LynnS6]

In that case, I would have said "yes, he did."

As my kids get older, I am beginning to point out that it's not polite to talk about people in terms of how they look, but what your son said is a pretty accurate description. I don't know if someone would be offended or not.

Our kids talk about skin color in shades of brown, and that's how they were taught to do so in their anti-bias curriculum in preschool. So, they categorize people as: Dark brown, medium brown, light brown

In adult speak that would be: Black, Hispanic/Asian Indian, "White". But since our family's skin is not 'white', but more 'peach' (and we're incredibly fair skinned), I think that shades of brown is a more accurate description.

We talk about skin color and hair color in a relatively concrete way. We talk about the different colors. They've learned that skin color is passed down from parents to children, and that if your family came from a place with a lot of sun, your skin is darker to protect you from the sun. If your family came from a place with little sun, your skin is lighter to allow your body to get the Vitamin D it needs.

Ds (nearly 9) asked me just last week "Are people with dark brown skin called 'black'? That was the first time I'd heard him use that term. In school, when he learned about Barak Obama being elected, he learned the term "African American" but he didn't connect that to being 'black' until this year.

When dd mentioned that "Most people who speak Spanish have medium brown skin" we talked about how that was true around where we live, but there were people all over the world who speak Spanish.

By acknowledging the differences, and talking about them in factual ways, I'm hoping to teach my kids that this isn't a taboo subject. There's nothing 'scary' about race. People look different. That's a fact of life. The scary part comes when different treatments are attached to how you look. Discrimination is alive and well, and we're beginning to talk about that too. (For reasons I don't remember, the word 'discrimination' has come up in conversation recently.)

[Tjej]

I also would have said, "yes, he sure did!"

My DD is 4 and has come out with some more profoundly wrong ones ("people with brown skin are bad guys") and I have talked with her about that - "there are bad guys with brown skin and bad guys with skin like yours too. But most people are not bad. Most people with brown skin are good and friendly, and most people in general are kind and good."

Tjej

[Oliver'sMom]

I agree that it was just a way to describe the boy playing ball. My ds uses skin color as a descriptor quite often as well.

This thread reminds me of the other day when we were talking about our new baby coming and ds said, "I hope it will be a black baby!"

[MusicianDad]

Another agreement for it's a way to describe the boy.

Maybe your DS doesn't know the boys name, or he knows your Dh doesn't know the boys name. So he picks an obvious feature that distinguishes the boy from those in the vicinity to make it clear who he is talking about.

[meemee]

for him saying the 'boy with no. 9 on his shirt hit...' is the same thing. a decriptor.

had he said 'mama why is his skin brown' would have brought up many more issues.

i would not say anything or bring it up.

that comment would have never stood out for me.

race has come up for my dd because our skin colours differ. and that's been perfect to describe that race does not exist. its just skin deep.

however as she has gotten older i have explained to her about deregatory terms. she is 7.

[funkymamajoy]

Originally Posted by loraxc

Your child is noticing race. They do that! And they wonder why we never talk about it!

When my 4-year old said his friend has a "brown daddy." I agreed that he is brown but we call him Mr. R. Then we talked about how everyone looks different.

What was funny was that he never said anything about his friend being brown but told me about his friend's new glasses for two days.

[Jessy1019]

I actually LIKE when my kids use "brown" because I feel like that's an accurate (and also very innocent, IMO) description. We've talked about how different people have different color skin and some of the biological reasons they do, and I've talked with my daughter about how people have been and sometimes still are treated badly because they have brown skin.

I've heard a lot of arguments against raising white children to be colorblind. I don't want my kids to judge someone based on his or her skin tone, but I also don't want them to think it's completely irrelevant.

[wookie]

ITA with jessy. i'm brown (of Indian origin) and don't mind being ID'd as such. for ex. once i met a mom for a playdate the first time and when we talked on the phone i asked her to look out for "a brown girl in a black jacket" kinda thing. i didn't know how else to distinguish myself.

that said, ds at 4 hasn't noticed skin color yet. i can totally see him saying so and so is brown not realising that's his skin color as well. if we lived in india, a caucasian person would be ID'd as "white" for sure. it's just another way for kids to distinguish who they're talking about--it's much easier for them to point out the obvious than saying "that guy with a burgundy shirt and tan pants", yk?. the thing is to teach them to respect differences not ignore them.

[beanma]

I'd just say, "yes, he did! and isn't it cool how there are so many different skin colors!" There are some good picture books about skin color. "The Skin I'm In" is the name of one, I believe.