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Am I being unreasonable by not letting dd in my in-laws' home? *update in post #70* - Page 3

post #41 of 85
My gut says that if your husband doesnt see anything wrong with bringing his child around such a health hazzard, (32 cats in a double wide with fleas and are breeding at will) then perhaps he needs some counseling to understand the disease his parents have. Because hoarding is a DISEASE.

They are actually doing those cats a disservice, if you ask me.

Thats my gut reaction. Take it with a grain of salt.
post #42 of 85
I would NOT let my children go in a place like that either. I would also call the animal shelter and the health department ASAP. You DH doesn't know how bad it is, obviously.
post #43 of 85
No, you're not being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't let my child anywhere near that house.

But I do think your daughter needs to know her grandparents, so I wouldn't keep them apart, just do other besides go to their house.
post #44 of 85
I agree with Betsyj. I love cats, but can't be around them much because I have very severe (not life-threatening) allergies. I think they are really wonderful animals. But they are already living in hell and even if they are put down, it's the humane thing to do compared to making them suffer like they are.

The environment is extremely unhealthy (both physically and mentally) for your in-laws, too, obviously. If your dh would divorce you because you cared enough to take steps to getting them help by calling the health department, then yeah, you might consider marriage counseling. He's in denial along with his parents. There is only so much you can compromise on to have your dh's parents in your lives without sacrificing your own health. It's your body and your child... you get to choose what is healthy and unhealthy. This isn't even a gray area... this is black and white. I would give an ultimatum in this case and I'm usually 100% against ultimatums. Either clean it up and get rid of the cats, or they don't get to see their granddaughter. Ask your dh if he would be O.K. to leave your dd there for a week while you went on vacation. If she's not safe there for a week, she's not safe there for an hour.

Good luck.
post #45 of 85
Um, I have 4 cats and as much as I love them, sometimes I can't stand it. It is no easy task making sure that my house isn't destroyed by them and is clean. A house with 32 cats..... You are not in any way shape or form being unreasonable.
post #46 of 85
I don't think your being unreasonable in the least. I tend to be more relaxed than most, and I wouldn't set foot in their house, much less let any child I loved in.
post #47 of 85
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! I wouldn't set foot in that place myself let alone with a child.

Is there anyone else who can call the department of health instead of you?
post #48 of 85
Originally Posted by betsyj View Post
Good Lord!! I wouldn't go over there nevermind actually letting my kid over there. The idea of spending any time in such an environment makes me swoon.

Please call animal control. Since the animals aren't fixed the 32 cats will soon be double that. A flea infestation isn't good for the cats, and certainly isn't good for your DH's parents.

And what do will happen when the place is condemned? Call NOW while maybe some of the cats are still adoptable. It is a terrible idea to let the situation continue out of fear that some of the animals may be euthanized. Because, the more cats they have, the worse it will be, and the more that will be euthanized in the end. Make the hard decision now. It will be a lot better then later.

Both the parents and the cats need help. I would also be looking into a mental health organization as well to see what programs are available.
This. Those cats are going to breed..or maybe already have. There will be easily 50 by next year. Then, there will be 50 cats going to a shelter. I can't believe your husband wants to expose his daughter to that. I wonder why your inlaws expect you to ignore their problem? Maybe if you ignore it, they can convince themselves that it's still acceptable?
post #49 of 85
i find this is so much more than just hoarders.

absolutely i would not go over there. with or without my child.

however there has gotta be a relationship between grandparents and gdd. something needs to happen here.

either they come over to your house or they take your dd elsewhere.

like a pp mentioned - family is essential - no matter whatever kind you have. you may not get along (not saying that you dont) but there has to be some communication going on with your child and gparents. i remember my exh just met his gparents once in his life when he was about 4 when his gpa took him to the neighbourhood store to get him candy. today at 48 he still remembers that incident warmly.

while yes it is a health hazard, i think your dd is losing out on a lot. i dont remember reading how far the gparents live? can they take her to the park or mall or even a mcdonalds? anything. i just feel so sad your dd is missing out on her gparents. our 'gma' next door neighbour went to an assisted facility when dd just turned 2. to this day 5 years later dd remembers gma clearly. i feel sad ur dd is missing out on this.
post #50 of 85
32 cats??!!??!! Thats, well, wow. I'm speechless.

Call animal control. Those cats need to be moved somewhere else. DO it anonymously, or give someone you trust the information and have them do it.
post #51 of 85
Not unreasonable at all. My MIL has a similar problem. Her house is overstuffed with STUFF, and you never know when you'll move a box or go around a corner and find a pile of desiccated cat poop or something. I'm afraid of how many black widows we're going to find when we eventually have to clean the place out. It's ridiculous. Oh, and that doesn't even cover the rat poison she leaves out on the kitchen counters or the rotten meat on the stove that she swears is "for the dogs."

No, we don't go there. And we told her why.
post #52 of 85
I have a similar issue with my in-laws. All the men in the house are hoarders and mil supports them in their illness.

My solution-I invite them here regularly and we visit them in the summer. We camp nearby their house and visit in the yard which is like a junk yard with lots to explore. The kids run in and use the bathroom. For 2 years after the twins were born I didn't go to their house.

My bigger issue is that I see the hoarder in my spouse and that scares me.
post #53 of 85
You aren't at all unreasonable! Usually I'd say that "too many animals" is a very subjective statement, but 32 cats?! I have two cats and two dogs, and cleaning up after them (litter boxes, mud tracked in and dear lord, the HAIR!) is more than a full time job. Then again, my grandpa swears up and down that we have way too many animals
post #54 of 85
Good grief, PM me with their information and I'll call for you!!!
post #55 of 85
Those cats are living in an abusive environment and NO, my chuildren would not be entering that home. Nor would I. EVER.
Please make the call to animal control and get the cats some help.
post #56 of 85
My friend's MIL sounds similar to yours. Tons of animals - dogs, cats, goats, etc. - none of which had received vet attention of any kind. My friend DID send her dd over there and now seriously regrets it. Her dd was scratched by one of the cats and developed "cat scratch fever". She spent 2 weeks in the hospital and may have permanent kidney damage. If it were me, there's no way I would back down on this issue.
post #57 of 85
I wouldn't take my children to the place you're describing, whether the people were related to me or not.
post #58 of 85

not unreasonable

We can only stay for a little while in my moms house that has one cat, and lots of dust. We never stay long.

What a challenge getting dh on board. good luck
post #59 of 85
Noooo. No no no no no. You're not the one being unreasonable, your husband is! It sounds like he's in serious denial about his parents.

Originally Posted by Eclipse95 View Post
I was just watching a episode of some tv show that features hoarders and a couple had 80+ cats in a home (only 40 were still living).
Oh God.

Please, I know you don't want to be the bad guy, but surely you can place an anonymous phone call to the proper authorities. This is not healthy for anyone involved - cats or humans.
post #60 of 85
Originally Posted by RiverSky View Post
I don't have any issue with them having 32 cats in the house, EXCEPT that the cats are not well taken care of. I don't agree about calling animal control because they will just kill them all and that would suck.
Except that this is 32 cats in a trailer, with two litter boxes. A double wide trailer has about 1700 square feet. The cat:square footage:litter box ratio here is highly problematic.

Please, PLEASE call animal control. They will not "just kill them." Even if some of the cats do have to be euthanized, the longer you wait, the more cats there will be. Those cats are being abused. The longer they stay where they are, the higher the probability that each individual cat will develop more health and psychological problems and thus be less adoptable.
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