Am I being unreasonable by not letting dd in my in-laws' home? *update in post #70* - Page 5

[hopefulfaith]

Another vote for a "no shoes" rule with a basket of slippers available for the ILs. I don't blame you a single bit for not going over to your ILs' house - I wouldn't, either, since I think it really is a health hazard - but I'm glad you have them over to your house in order to maintain a relationship with them. Stay firm on the 'dd doesn't go there' thing - get your ped to tell your dh it's a health hazard, if you need to - fleas and worms and other fecal/oral nasties just aren't worth it (not to mention the awfulness of cat scratch fever that a pp mentioned...).

Good luck, mama.

[dancindoula]

OP, I know you said the health dept can't help, but try animal control. it can still be anonymous, and they can at least check it out for themselves to decide i anything needs doing. Even if the cats are well-fed, the litter box situation you described is really bad and a big health-hazard for the cats. The same is true for confining them in a tiny and filthy space - it can make them quite sick. The fleas are a very, very big health problem for the animals, even if the humans are willing to live with it. Besides, a healthy cat prefers to be clean and doesn't smell!

Oh, and one idea for getting together with them: now that it's getting so nice outside maybe on good weather days you all could have your Sunday dinner picnic-style at DD's favorite park?

[sleepingbeauty]

Someone else said something about meeting outside of the home. It's getting nice out--park days on Sunday?

This is crazy. I mean, I had 10 cats in high school but they were clean. Holy crap.

[painefaria]

Man what an issue. I would not allow my family to go to a house like that. We have 3 cats and 4 cat pans! In our area we have a small agency called ORCA that will investigate calls like this one. They do ask for your name but just so that they can call you with a follow up if you want one. You can call without leaving a name. We have had a similar situation with my IL, not with cats but smoking. We live almost 400 miles away and when DS was born DP told her parents we would not come to visit if they were smoking in the house. They have become a little lax about it and DP stood firm and told her mother (FIL quit smoking 18months ago ) that she would stay at her brothers when we came to visit and that we would not come to the house. It worked. But your DP/DH has to be on board with the limits.

[honeyhaze]

My in-laws are also hoarders and I (usually) won't let my son visit them. They don't understand why, but my husband does. It still bothers him that it bothers me, but he does basically understand. Their house is filthy, dangerous, not even remotely child proofed (think teetering stacks of heavy objects + choking hazards all over the floor), so my son is basically confined to our laps on the rare occasions when we visit. I've tried to encourage my in-laws to remove some of the clutter, but it ain't happening at this point. They're both over 70 and they've been living this way for too long.

My MIL so badly wants my son to visit that she bought him one toy for his first birthday... and then took it back to "keep at her house." She literally took it back, knowing that he'll almost never use the toy over there.

So at least know that you aren't alone. I felt some relief when I came across this posting and realized that I'm not alone!