Homeschooling NOT by choice?

[Heavenly]

I know this probably won't be a popular topic here but I do need some advice. I used to homeschool my kids. Elijah started school in Grade 2 and Olivia was in Grade 1. They are currently in Grade 3 and Grade 2. My son Elijah has bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder as well as (undocumented as of yet) learning disabilities, particularly in the area of writing. They are currently attending a small (75 students, JK-8) private Christian school. When they started there we explained Elijah's special needs and we wrote out documents about accomodations that the school agreed to make. Last year things were pretty good and this year has been good as well.
Unfortunately, we had a meeting before March Break and the teacher made a comment that really concerned me. She said that since he'll be in 4th grade next year that they won't be able to just keep making accomodations and he'll have to step up and do the work. What?!? Like bipolar disorder and learning disabilities just go away???? We were under the impression when we enrolled him that they understood and would work to meet his needs. For a variety of reasons we just are not comfortable with public schooling so now we are in a difficult position.
I have severe fibromyalgia and I am also a student myself which is the reason we sent them to school to begin with. Also I have problems with my patience and it wasn't a good fit having them home. That said, I do not want to put him in a position where he is made to feel like a failure. He is a smart boy, he just needs extra help to get things done. Is there anyone else here that is homeschooling because you have to not because you really want to? I don't know what I would do with my girls. Olivia is having problems too because she is very advanced and they are not agreeing to move her up a grade or give her any advanced work. My little one is supposed to be starting junior kindergarten in September, at this point I have no reason to believe she wouldn't do well.
I have to be blunt - I really like the break away from the kids, I am a better mother for it, and I really would LOVE if they could actually find a place where they would do well. But if it comes down to it, I will do what's best for my son, and my girls.

[Aka mommy]

Me. DD was facing bullying issues at school and one little boy decided to try and cross some sexually inappropriate boundaries at school. Which the school never bothered to inform me of. So i felt i was forced into homeschooling.

The first 6 months went wonderfully and we all were thriving. Now i'm not thriving so much. I am trying to find other options but fight daily with this decision, literally. I feel if i put dd back into school i'm not doing my job protecting her. But if i keep homeschooling that I am going to make her feel like a failure because I dread schooling every day.

I literally feel as if i am caught in a no win situation. And i dont dare confess my true feelings to homeschool friends or public school friends. One group will not understand my desire to have a break from my children or that i dont exactly love teaching my children and being their everything 24/7 (dh is often away for work so everything falls on me). And the other group will most likely say they told me so about how I'm not cut out for homeschooling.

Right now i'm just trying to finish out the year with out meltdowns (on my behalf) and look forward to enjoying our summer like we did last year.

[Callimom]

What about a Catholic school? I don't know if you are avoiding public school for religious reasons but the Catholic school might be a viable option and would be required to make accommodations if you pursue an IEP. Having followed your story in the past I don't know that I would suggest homeschooling again, unless life circumstances have changed as it didn't seem to be ideal for any of you.
Are there other private schools in your area that might work?
If neither of those are an option, are there homeschool co-ops that could provide you with a break? We have a couple of nearby co-ops which run for a full day and if you could piece together one or two of those that might be enough.
Could you use the tution money you are currently paying to pay for tutors (university student?), or some kind of older child care arrangement.

good luck!
Karen

[bobandjess99]

I totally understand, speciafically and ingeneral. I think as parents we make a lot of decisions that aren't 100% what we want, but simply the best option we can come up with, or afford, or find, etc.

I assume you are paying something for this private christian school? Could you take that money, and hire a sitter to give you some time away? Maybe your homeschool only needs to be held 3 times per week, for example. Then 2 days per week, they could go somewhere else away from you. (that phrasing sounds bad, but you know what i mean)
Or maybe they could enroll in an "after-school" program, like at the Y or something, and give you your afternoons free while they go play?

I just don't think that homeschooling means you have to spend all day every day with them, not at all. I mean, some moms do, and that's great if that works for you. Personally, I like to get away, and I work part time to that end.

What about other school options? private, religious, charter, co-op, montessori, online/virtual?
What about taking your "tuition" money and hiring a private tutor for whatever you can afford, 1-2-3 days per week? Or, maybe another homeschooling family would be willing to add your kid to their homeschool.

[momo7]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I know this probably won't be a popular topic here but I do need some advice. I used to homeschool my kids. Elijah started school in Grade 2 and Olivia was in Grade 1. They are currently in Grade 3 and Grade 2. My son Elijah has bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder as well as (undocumented as of yet) learning disabilities, particularly in the area of writing. They are currently attending a small (75 students, JK-8) private Christian school. When they started there we explained Elijah's special needs and we wrote out documents about accomodations that the school agreed to make. Last year things were pretty good and this year has been good as well.
Unfortunately, we had a meeting before March Break and the teacher made a comment that really concerned me. She said that since he'll be in 4th grade next year that they won't be able to just keep making accomodations and he'll have to step up and do the work. What?!? Like bipolar disorder and learning disabilities just go away???? We were under the impression when we enrolled him that they understood and would work to meet his needs. For a variety of reasons we just are not comfortable with public schooling so now we are in a difficult position.
I have severe fibromyalgia and I am also a student myself which is the reason we sent them to school to begin with. Also I have problems with my patience and it wasn't a good fit having them home. That said, I do not want to put him in a position where he is made to feel like a failure. He is a smart boy, he just needs extra help to get things done. Is there anyone else here that is homeschooling because you have to not because you really want to? I don't know what I would do with my girls. Olivia is having problems too because she is very advanced and they are not agreeing to move her up a grade or give her any advanced work. My little one is supposed to be starting junior kindergarten in September, at this point I have no reason to believe she wouldn't do well.
I have to be blunt - I really like the break away from the kids, I am a better mother for it, and I really would LOVE if they could actually find a place where they would do well. But if it comes down to it, I will do what's best for my son, and my girls.

Since you are sending him to private school anyway....why not hire a home teacher? Hire someone to come to your house and teach. You still get a break away, your patience is salvaged and you get to have someone you can really trust teach your child.

[moss]

i went to a weekend seminar a couple of years ago about advocating for your child's iep (and then pulled ds out of school because i didnt have the stamina to go up against the school and was on the fence about homeschooling already and just needed a good reason to take the plunge--which is obviously not the case in your situation!! ). if your ds still needs accomodation at school, then advocate for him to get it. his private school is doing what a lot of public schools do. there's a book, 'from emotions to advocacy' that really covers well how to advocate for your kid in the school systems. i'd also recommend that you book another iep meeting with the school and take someone with you who can help advocate for him/back you up. maybe your ped would be willing to write a letter, etc outlining what he needs? is there a social worker or bipolar support group leader who could go with you for support in an iep meeting? is the teacher who made that comment going to be his teacher next year? Maybe you could ask for a meeting with his future teacher (who may be more accommodating)

i hope things work out for you.

[One_Girl]

Unfortunately private schools don't have the legal requirement to accomodate students individual needs the way public schools do. I think you should talk to the director of the school about this before you worry, if the school needs your students and money they will accomodate your son to the best of their ability.

I pulled my dd out when it became the only good option and I have been homeschooling her since then. It isn't the best thing, but now that we have a routine in place it is going much better. I am really looking forward to next year when she will be back in school though and hoping it will go well.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

What about a Catholic school? I don't know if you are avoiding public school for religious reasons but the Catholic school might be a viable option and would be required to make accommodations if you pursue an IEP. Having followed your story in the past I don't know that I would suggest homeschooling again, unless life circumstances have changed as it didn't seem to be ideal for any of you.
Are there other private schools in your area that might work?
If neither of those are an option, are there homeschool co-ops that could provide you with a break? We have a couple of nearby co-ops which run for a full day and if you could piece together one or two of those that might be enough.
Could you use the tution money you are currently paying to pay for tutors (university student?), or some kind of older child care arrangement.

good luck!
Karen

We are definitely not interested in Catholic school, as the ones in our area are horrible. But we are not Catholic, we're Evangelical. Yes, life circumstances have changed greatly as my DH is done school, working, and we have bought a house in a great neighbourhood and will be moving in 7 weeks. Of course I would consider homeschooling again were we still to be living in a small basement apartment. We might be able to consider tutors or something similar. There are homeschool activities in our area, but not for a full day.
This is still not something we are leaning towards but it is a possibility.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by momo7

Since you are sending him to private school anyway....why not hire a home teacher? Hire someone to come to your house and teach. You still get a break away, your patience is salvaged and you get to have someone you can really trust teach your child.

I'm not sure whether or not this is considered a "legal" way to homeschool in Ontario. This is definitely something we would consider. Ideally we would really like them to stay in school, because they like the socialization, but if that isn't working we'll have to review all our options.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Unfortunately private schools don't have the legal requirement to accomodate students individual needs the way public schools do. I think you should talk to the director of the school about this before you worry, if the school needs your students and money they will accomodate your son to the best of their ability.

I pulled my dd out when it became the only good option and I have been homeschooling her since then. It isn't the best thing, but now that we have a routine in place it is going much better. I am really looking forward to next year when she will be back in school though and hoping it will go well.

Yes, that's the problem. As a private school they do not have to accomodate my children's needs. Even if they had previously promised to do so. I will be meeting with the principal next week. I was blunt and told him I needed to discuss the children's future at this school; that we like the school but we need to meet our children's needs and hopefully they will be able to do that. I am hoping when they realize we are seriously considering leaving that they will be more motivated to work with us.

[elus0814]

We never intended on homeschooling and I was a but annoyed to be left with no other option but it's worked out well and now I see all kinds of advantages I never would have thought of before. When we lived in another state DD went to preschool at a Catholic school. In this state there is public preschool as well and the age cut off is December 1st. Then we moved over the summer, with the military so not by choice, and when I tried to register her for kindergarten (she was recommended to go on to Kindergarten) I was told the cut off here is September 1st. Even if there was preschool here, which there is not, I would not have wanted to make her repeat preschool. I was told she would have to stay home for the year and start kindergarten with kids who had never been to school a few weeks before her sixth birthday. Um, no! Besides, we are set to move this fall so she would start and move a few months later anyway. DH and I decided after looking over the kindergarten curriculum for the public school that she would be bored and since she is very social she would likely get in trouble constantly because she would have nothing to do and would already know all the material. We decided this after I did kindergarden homeschool work with her over the summer to gage if it would work for us or not. Now she's already 1/3 of the way through first grade work and is only five and a half, not even old enough to start any school according to the state! It's tough to be home with all the kids all the time but it's worth it to know I didn't make her go to a school where she wouldn't learn anything new for over a year and be the oldest, and almost certainly tallest, in her class. We also get to enjoy the benefits of homeschooling. It's great to be able to travel whenever we want, not have to deal with school schedules deciding our lives, go places like zoos when they are empty, do work she wants to do but still learns from, and we get to decide what she's learning and she doesn't have to do busy work or relearn things she already knows or is common sense.

BTW, to respond to another post a Catholic school would not have to make exceptions unless they agreed to it, my dad works at a Catholic school and his school does not make educational exceptions or give extra help for disabilities since they simply don't have the funds to pay for it.

Why not give homeschooling a try? The money spent on private school could be used for a babysitter to come in a few times a week to give you a break. I've been trying to find someone to do that but have yet to find anyone, it would be nice to get a break sometimes.

[Smithie]

In the situation you describe, OP, I would use the public school system. No, it's probably not ideal and probably not the perfect fit for your worldview, but if your children enjoy socializing as part of their learning and your son requires accommodations of the type that are enforced through an IEP AND you are not enthused about homeschooling, then public school is probably the best thing you can do to meet everybody's needs.

Of course, your current school may come around when they see your tuition money walking out the door, so here's hoping for that outcome!

[Roar]

Originally Posted by Smithie

In the situation you describe, OP, I would use the public school system. No, it's probably not ideal and probably not the perfect fit for your worldview, but if your children enjoy socializing as part of their learning and your son requires accommodations of the type that are enforced through an IEP AND you are not enthused about homeschooling, then public school is probably the best thing you can do to meet everybody's needs.

I agree. If you have not already done so I think it is time to talk to the public school and tour with an open mind. You may be pleasantly surprised. It is very common for parents of students with disabilities to find that the public school is more able to accommodate needs than a private school.

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by elus0814

BTW, to respond to another post a Catholic school would not have to make exceptions unless they agreed to it, my dad works at a Catholic school and his school does not make educational exceptions or give extra help for disabilities since they simply don't have the funds to pay for it.

Why not give homeschooling a try? The money spent on private school could be used for a babysitter to come in a few times a week to give you a break. I've been trying to find someone to do that but have yet to find anyone, it would be nice to get a break sometimes.

Just fyi, the OP is in a province where Catholic schools are fully publicly funded and need to follow the same laws that govern public schools here including making accommodations for special needs. In reality, in smaller schools/boards, those kids with substantially higher needs generally get moved to the public school but the OP would be able to get an IEP for her son in most provincial Catholic schools without issue (well at least as issue free as that process is ).

[kwg]

Did his 3rd grade teacher say this? I would talk to the principal/4th grade teacher to find out what they are talking about.

I might go visit the public school also...you never know.

[earthmama369]

Is he going to be with the same teacher next year? If so, I'd take that comment seriously and pursue a meeting with the administration. If he's going to have a different teacher, I'd still pursue a meeting for clarity, but I wouldn't be as worried.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by kwg

Did his 3rd grade teacher say this? I would talk to the principal/4th grade teacher to find out what they are talking about.

I might go visit the public school also...you never know.

It is all split grades so he will be with the same teacher for grade 4 as well. He is now failing spelling as well. He is supposed to get accomodations for tests (in a quiet room, given more time to do them, allowed to answer orally) but they don't give him any. He got 8 out of 18 on his last spelling test and he said part of the problem was she talked to quickly and he couldn't get everything written down. He also still mixes up his d's and b's which caused him to get some words wrong but he can actually spell them out loud. We are looking into all and any schooling options at this point, and whether or not he even passes grade 3 will determine what we do. If he fails grade 3 then we will definitely homeschool for at least a year to get him caught back up. He is already the oldest in his class (he is 9, a January birthday) so there is no way I want him in a class with kids two years younger than him.

[mattemma04]

If the school could or would not meet the needs of my child I would pull them.Tuition isn't cheap!!!

I am in a somewhat similar situation of needing to decide if I want to keep my kids in a school that is not doing what they should.

Any other schooling options local like waldorf or Montessori? I like the non-grading system or Montessori.Unfortunately our child's class has some disruptive behavior going on(all year).

Are there any online schooling options? If I was able to choose anything for my kids it would be to homeschool and have them attend a few classes outside the home that are provided by the parks,zoo,museum,and college.


Hope you find something that works.

[Marimami]

It just occurred to me that you posted with a different set of concerns for your daughter in the gifted forum. But, it sounds like the fundamental issues are the same--this school does not appear willing to give either of your children the accommodations that they need. Honestly, it just doesn't feel like a good fit for your family based on what you have shared with us.

I would do whatever it took to find a different schooling solution if I were in your shoes.

Holli

[ALittleBitCrunchy]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Is there anyone else here that is homeschooling because you have to not because you really want to?

Me.

Don't get me wrong...I don't mind homeschooling (usually) and there are a lot of things I really enjoy about it. It's been a positive experience overall...but it's very difficult too manage. I'm in for at least 2 more years, though, so we just keep plugging away at it.

In our case, it's diabetes. My daughter was diagnosed when she was 2 and my son was 4. A year later, his kindergarten year was approaching and I started looking at our school. We are in a more rural area and it isn't "schools." It's "school." No options, no choices. And the school? Well, let's just say that it isn't nearly as responsive and concerned with and willing to help 5 year old diabetics. In order to keep her healthy, I was going to have to sue the district. To be honest, I felt that if they had to be sued, I wouldn't want them taking care of her anyways. And if they didn't want my daughter, they weren't getting my son, either. So here we are...finishing up our 3rd year of homeschooling. DS is going to the public school next year, I think, but DD isn't going to go until she can manage her own diabetes (or we move.)

I'm tired of it. It's exhausting. I work full-time, DH works full-time, I co-own a side business and it's a part-time job, and then there is schooling. There are no co-ops, no groups, no associations, no homeschool support at all. Finding childcare is a huge struggle. Juggling our jobs is a struggle. Keeping up with our house is impossible. I would love to not be homeschooling right now. But...I can't. I just can't do it. So here we are. I do it for my daughter and I don't regret that, but there are days that I imagine sending the kids off to school, going to the office, coming home to an evening together...and it just seems so calm and simple. No childcare bills, no curriculum decisions, time to just chill sometimes. I could actually have 'me' time. Maybe in a few years, I guess.

No advice, but know that you aren't alone.