Oh Dana, what a terrible guilt trip! I know just where you are right now. I was there this winter when my daughter had what I believe to be whooping cough. Many people have said similar things to me...
"you child is a health risk to all of the young unvaccinated babies she comes into contact with or children with cancer who cannot be vaccinated."
I thought on this for a long time and was so upset. But finally I realized a few things. Here is what my response is today.
"I do not care. My job is to protect my child. I cannot carry the responsibility of every other child on the planet. I will not sacrifice my own child's health and long term welfare because of the minuscule chance my child could catch whooping cough and give it to someone else. It is more likely that a child will choke on a tiny object at my home, or be killed in a car accident while riding with me, then get whooping cough. Should I no longer drive any children or invite them over to our home?"
That being said, when my daughter had what i thought was whooping cough and my best friend was planning to come over with her infant I told her not too. She said he was up to date on his vaccines, but I know he wouldnt have received whooping cough vax yet and I wouldnt let her risk it. Even though she kept saying he was totally protected...
which brought me to another discovery. Mothers of vaccinated children are stupidly confident in their children's super powers. I started realizing all of my friends with vaccinated kids behaved the same way. Oh, its fine, my kid wont get sick... even for things they werent vaccinated against? Delusional.
I make sure that all the children my daughter is around, their parents KNOW DD is not vaccinated. They always seem more angry at themselves for not even questioning the process, before they get pissed at me and then get over it.