I am partial to Sebastian but my dh didn't want to use that one.
I think your feelings are perfectly normal and what we all go through when we don't get our perfect dream labor.
Our bodies are not like perfectly tuned watches where we all react the same to the same situations, our parts are not all perfectly the same size with all our bits in a precise shape/size and our babies are not all the precise size or shape and they do not all act the same during labor. (obviously I need to spend more time diagramming sentences
I still question my first c-section 9 years later, I know what was going on at the time but what IF I could have done something just a little bit different??
No matter how much we prepare and how much we plan, you are still not a watch. A perfect labor still isn't guaranteed. Planning, preparing and researching does help but we are only human.
I am sorry you don't feel supported by your midwives.
I would recommend talking to a local ICAN chapter if you continue to struggle, they can be a huge resource of help, support and information. Of course you can also discuss it here but ICAN has meetings IRL and all.