2 year olds fighting at meal times

[Intertwined]

I'm SURE you're all just going to say this is a phase they will have to grow out of but I thought I'd ask for ideas.

My twins are 22 months old and REALLY getting into the thick of fighting with each other here recently. I don't doubt it's going to be an interesting year. Lately, meal times are a nightmare. We don't use high chairs anymore because they can both wiggle out and Ben took a swan dive out of his a few months back so we just put them in chairs. Keeping them off the table aside, now they are squabbling over EVERYTHING at meal times. Today we met up with my husband for lunch and stupidly sat them next to each other. There was plate stealing, food throwing, and a constant stream of unintelligable obscenities being shouted at each other (the facial expressions and screeches are SO cute it's hard not to laugh at them--they take it all so seriously!)

I'm a mom of six, not much phases me and I'm about as laid back as they come. But I WOULD really like to try and calm this behavior down some because it's just SO disruptive. Any ideas? There is a non-stop slew of angry baby babble between the two!

[4Marmalade]

Sorry, that's all I can provide. Only another mom of multiples would know what you are talking about (unintelligable obscenities ) and you provided a great visual. I'm just amazed you would actually take them out to eat in public .

[Llyra]

I wish I knew. My twins are 3 now, and fight ALL THE TIME. In between times, they're the best of friends, but yeah, the squabbling can drive everybody crazy.

I ignore them up to a point. When my patience is almost-but-not-quite shot, I tell them they have one chance to knock off the yelling and get along or I'm going to end whatever activity is going on, and send them to sit on their beds. If they were squabbling at the table, I'd tell them nobody wants to hear all that fighting, so please stop, and if you can't stop, you'll have to go eat in the kitchen.

But with such little ones, I don't know how that would work. I would start, definitely, by taking proactive measures-- seat them far apart from each other. If plates are snatched, I'd take the plates, and offer three bites at a time on a napkin. If food is dumped, the offending child gets down. I want to send the message that mealtimes should be pleasant affairs, and that if we want to sit at the table together, we must be pleasant. If a child missed out on eating because of misbehavior, I'd serve that child a quiet meal in the kitchen after everybody else was finished, with no special attention.

It helps, too, to make sure they are getting some time away from each other a few times a week at least. I think sometimes we assume twins always want to be together, but I guess they get the need for time away just like any of us would get tired of ALWAYS being with the same person all day. I've found that a little time alone to have their own one-on-one attention from somebody, even if it's not you, works wonders, and so does a little space to play on their own without having to share.

[Intertwined]

Oh Karen, we take our kids e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. My mom was sure that when we had the twins it was going to firmly bolt us down, and it did but only for a time. We're pretty adventerous!

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by Intertwined

Oh Karen, we take our kids e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. My mom was sure that when we had the twins it was going to firmly bolt us down, and it did but only for a time. We're pretty adventerous!

Good for you! I guess if I think about it, taking the twins out with just myself and dh wouldn't be too bad. Ds1 (who is my biggest handful on his own) keeps asking to go out for dinner and my heart starts beating fast just thinking about all 6 of us in a restaurant .

[Intertwined]

We had the middle two with us as well. Even so it's markedly easier than all six at once. And taking just the twins out alone seems absurdly easy! I say that gently for those Mamas who feel overwhelmed with just twins but when you have six children in six years it seems like a cake walk comparitively!

[cdahlgrd]

WOuldn't it be lovely if this was just a stage? Unfortunatley, it is a lifestlyle .

When I get fed up with the chaos, I put them in seperate rooms to eat. It is the only thing that works.

We just went out to eat with my brother and his wife. 7 kids amongst us! It worked out fine (we made sure it was a slow time of day for the restraunt, and it was kid friendly anyhow!). We got lots of looks leaving with our little train of toddlers (6 were under the age of 5!).

[cdahlgrd]

Originally Posted by Intertwined

We had the middle two with us as well. Even so it's markedly easier than all six at once. And taking just the twins out alone seems absurdly easy! I say that gently for those Mamas who feel overwhelmed with just twins but when you have six children in six years it seems like a cake walk comparitively!

I always get a kick out of people who comment to me, "Wow, you sure have your hands full!" when I only have 2 of my kids with me . The look on their faces when I say that I am getting a break with just the 2 .

[celesterra]

Oh, Mama... that sounds really draining for everyone!

Could you get chair boosters with straps to keep them in? I have some folding highchairs from IKEA that my bigger one (28lbs) can't get out of - it's too small a cchair for him to pull his legs up. Mine aren't the determined climbers yours are, though.

Aside from different seating arrangements, what do you think the source of the contention is? Rivalry for attention? End of day (or is this every meal) exhaustion? A sense of competition with the other? Did they snack in the hour before the meal, making them less than hungry? I think depending on the source, the strategy would be different. I'll try to check back to see what you say. I fall into the category of overwhelmed with two, lol

[Intertwined]

I think they just like to gripe at each other, honestly. Meal times are not the only times we see this behavior. It's like a little old married couple, constantly sniping at each other.

It's been better recently. I've moved them to opposite sides of our huge round table and I've been sitting between them so I can intervene and keep them in their seats. Exhausting for me, but eventually they'll get it and I'll eat in peace.

[celesterra]

i sit between mine, too... they can't really even see each other! glad things are a little better!

[honey-lilac]

My two littles have a kiddie table (actually a coffee table/end table thing I picked up off of Freecycle) and two little stepstools. They each take a seat on one side of the table. It's swimming upstream to try to get them to sit still for meals, but I try to make them sit for the shortest minimum time, then send them off to play once they're not actively eating anymore. It keeps the fighting to a minimum for us during mealtime. The rest of the day, though...