Uncertainty with #2 is so hard to take

[furrowed]

I know you can over-analyze to death, which is currently what I'm doing, and I feel like I'm too overwhelmed.

Son #2 just turned 1 and is doing so wonderful. He just came back from 12 month check and the doctor commented how advanced his interaction was for his age, etc.

But seeing as those age shots are coming up, I have been doing a lot of research about regression - it's making me afraid about anything dealing with my son. It's gotten to the point where I won't call his name sometimes, because I'm afraid I will notice he doesn't respond, stuff like that. It's crazy.

Then I see his head size is now 94% - he was born 45%. There are corollaries in some studies with rapid head growth in first year and regressions. Some studies even note that these kids were advanced in their development based on home movies, etc. (Other studies noted regression kids were normal or somewhat behind in milestones)

Everything I read answers no questions, and makes me so much more worried. It says average age of regression is 19 months - I feel like I'm holding a time bomb, waiting for this months to tick by. I'm just really terrified that something will happen to him - and I realize I could very well be creating all (most) this in my head. And all this over my beautiful son that doesn't deserve his father freaking like this.

I'm not an anti-vax guy, but I want answers/assurances/to protect him so badly that we are delaying shots. I have done research, but also read the testimonials of parents. It's so painful looking at the world and my son this way.

There are no definitive answers, I know that, I just don't know how to deal with this uncertainty effectively. It's tearing me up a little bit.

Sorry, I just need to vent I guess. Sadly, I wake up each day scared. Such a terrible way to face my children
.

[2boyzmama]

"Sadly, I wake up each day scared. Such a terrible way to face my children"

Every one of us here understands that. And many of us have felt those exact feelings. I can't make it go away, but I can tell you that you aren't alone, and you aren't horrible.

In my case, I'm not worrying about regression, my son's syndrome is genetic, and if my youngest son was going to be effected, it would have occurred at the moment of conception. So I spent my entire pregnancy worrying about it, in fear, questioning whether my baby would be healthy. Even after birth, when everything looked to be okay, I found myself dissecting him head to toe, looking at every inch of him, worrying that his eyes might be spaced too far apart, checking and rechecking his ears, asking the drs to listen to his heart "one more time". Then when we found a problem with his palate and all the fear came back.

He's 5 months old now, and I think I'm finally relaxed.

So although our situations are different, I understand.

[sbgrace]

I understand too. And while you're right that living with that fear is no way to live (it sucks the joy right out of all of it or did for me) it's really difficult not to do it. Innocence shattered is how I look at it. We know that we have no guarantee and that things can and do go wrong.
I lost a lot of joy in my kids early life. I worried about Andrew (was or wasn't he autistic) and analyzed it all and the more I knew in my heart something was certainly going on with him the more I worried his twin would regress. Andrew did lose developmental things around 19 months (he didn't have vaccines, it was metabolic for him). But his twin (the big head one of the two) didn't. He's typically developing and we're past the age of regression. But you know still we don't have any guarantee. Caleb very likely carries the same disorder Andrew has. Will it trigger (when might be a better question unfortunately)? What will it look like? Will I lose Andrew altogether?

Life is a bunch of uncertainty. But it is for everyone. No parent has a guarantee their child won't have get meningitis or have a car accident or have a head injury riding a bike. None of us have a home free card. It's just that we know we don't. And some people are sort of hard wired not to handle uncertainty well. I'm that way. I'm wondering if you might be one of those hard wired not to handle it/to obsess people too. It sounds like the fear consumes you and the mention of researching and all sounds really familiar to my experience. If so addressing that might make it better for everyone (I speak from experience here). Inositol (a supplement w/out side effects) can help with anxiety or OCD either one.

Mostly to you and I hope you find a way to live more in the moment instead of in the fearful possibilities.

[inky leeuhhh]

i feel the same way. dd2 is almost 1, and i worry about her even though she is moving ahead very well. i analyze everything, wondering if she is doing something because she has the same sensory issues dd1 has ( was freaking out earlier because she was shaking her head back and forth- dh thought i was being nuts). i want more children, but if dd2 ends up with the same challenges dd1 is dealing with, we will probably leave it at just the two. so i feel down when i think about the possibility of not having any more children as well (although i feel very blessed to have the two we have been given!). i try to remember though, that she will only be this little once. i'm trying to enjoy the stage she is at now and remember that no matter what, she will always be my child. people's differences make them who they are, and no matter how hard i think we have it i have to stop and remember there are people out there who would be so grateful if their children had the health mine have!

[furrowed]

Thank you, guys.

Yes - I do feel like its innocence lost. When my first son was born, it opened an emotional world that the generally stoic, moderate me never knew. Every day was such joy. Then, at about 2.5, that world was changed.

Son #2 has rekindled some of that, but now as he nears this age where regressions seem most common, it's taking me over.

But you guys are right - there are no guarantees in life, or with your children and you have to soldier on. I'm just agonizing whether I am making the right choices.

I don't rationally believe vax to be the cause of these regressions, but at the same time, I don't discount parent testimonials, and believe the full picture about vax may not be known yet. At any rate, I feel like its the only element I can control for my son. This study I read about head growth from birth to 12 months having a corollary effect in siblings of affected kids has me so worried. 45% birth to 94% at 12 months is a pretty jarring change, with a brother who is affected. Is he susceptible to regression? Would a vax cause it?

Thanks for all of your support and comfort. I appreciate you guys taking the time to help me through this.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I have gone through a similar thing with each one of my kids. I just wait comparing their behaviors to their older brother who is on the spectrum. If I notice something I often feel sick to my stomach, even if it's just a passing phase and both other boys seem to be fine. Though my 2nd son is considered gifted with a learning disability. Nothing like the struggles my oldest son has to face. So I don't have much advice, just letting you know that you aren't alone. And as time goes on, it's not an everyday thing, just occasional and not quite as strong.