Our DS (23 months) is cared for by my parents during the day since both DH and I work full-time. They love DS to pieces, and he adores them back. The issue is that DH has been on a tangent lately about how often they "give in" to DS...thus (supposedly) creating a whiny, tantrum-throwing child.
I admit that they are a little too doting sometimes (my dad more so than my mother), but a lot of things fall under the category of "does it really matter?" in my mind. For instance -- DS wants to go outside and swing...he starts to fuss a little bit...his grandfather is in the middle of watching the news but is willing to stop and take him outside...so off they go. It's not like Dad takes him to avoid a tantrum and to grant every whim...he just doesn't think watching the news at that moment is as important as spending time with his grandson. If he'd been involved with something he had to finish, DS would have had to wait until later.
The past few days have been pretty rough -- DH and DS have both been sick recently, my parents have been out of town, I've had to work later than usual, etc., and DS has been hard to deal with. (For example, he had a complete meltdown the other night because I said "no, thank you" when he offered me one of his beans to eat.
And then later on, he requested a certain song, so I put it on the CD player. He had another meltdown, so I assumed I'd misheard him, turned the music off, and asked him which song he wanted to hear. He started crying harder...it was impossible to understand him...so I just held him until he calmed down 15-20 min. later. 
)
Anyway, I've just been attributing that sort of behavior to the fact that he's just getting over being sick and his routine has been off lately...and his age! But DH got all bent out of shape with me this morning because he thinks we're raising an out-of-control tyrant...mostly the result of my parents "giving in" on everything. Another thing is that DH is rarely around my parents when they are with DS, so he doesn't really even see firsthand how they interact...he just makes assumptions.
I don't really know if anyone is right or wrong here, but I do think we need to all be on the same page and not blame each other. Maybe I just can't be objective about the situation...does it sound like I or my parents are push-overs? I just don't see making every little thing into a battle. If DS makes a reasonable request, I do try to accommodate him...maybe my definition of "reasonable" is different than DH's.
I admit that they are a little too doting sometimes (my dad more so than my mother), but a lot of things fall under the category of "does it really matter?" in my mind. For instance -- DS wants to go outside and swing...he starts to fuss a little bit...his grandfather is in the middle of watching the news but is willing to stop and take him outside...so off they go. It's not like Dad takes him to avoid a tantrum and to grant every whim...he just doesn't think watching the news at that moment is as important as spending time with his grandson. If he'd been involved with something he had to finish, DS would have had to wait until later.
The past few days have been pretty rough -- DH and DS have both been sick recently, my parents have been out of town, I've had to work later than usual, etc., and DS has been hard to deal with. (For example, he had a complete meltdown the other night because I said "no, thank you" when he offered me one of his beans to eat.
And then later on, he requested a certain song, so I put it on the CD player. He had another meltdown, so I assumed I'd misheard him, turned the music off, and asked him which song he wanted to hear. He started crying harder...it was impossible to understand him...so I just held him until he calmed down 15-20 min. later. )Anyway, I've just been attributing that sort of behavior to the fact that he's just getting over being sick and his routine has been off lately...and his age! But DH got all bent out of shape with me this morning because he thinks we're raising an out-of-control tyrant...mostly the result of my parents "giving in" on everything.
Another thing is that DH is rarely around my parents when they are with DS, so he doesn't really even see firsthand how they interact...he just makes assumptions.I don't really know if anyone is right or wrong here, but I do think we need to all be on the same page and not blame each other. Maybe I just can't be objective about the situation...does it sound like I or my parents are push-overs? I just don't see making every little thing into a battle. If DS makes a reasonable request, I do try to accommodate him...maybe my definition of "reasonable" is different than DH's.
