I think the most effective is to USE the real situations. At some point the other girl is going to take some sort of a stand or make some sort of a protest. I'd use that as an opportunity to discuss how the other girl might feel and ask your daughter for suggestions as to how to handle it next time. Saying "Don't be bossy!" is actually quite abstract. What is bossy? What is the difference between bossy and being the creative leader? How is a child to know? But when the other child gives some indication that she is not happy, it is an actual situation that your child will see and sense and it is a good time to talk about seeing others perspectives and problem solving. Instead of focusing on the bossy or controling part, you could focus on the skills of "reading" others and how to respond and negotiate (ie- "When Sarah made that face and crossed her arms, I think it was because she wanted to be the Mommy in the game too. What do you think? What could you do to work it out?"). It's OK to be "alpha"- you just have to know when you are over-stepping the bounds and that is by being sensitive to others signals. If your daughter is sensitive to that and willing to proactively problem solve when she senses there is discontent, I'd let them work out the details .
post #21 of 22
3/29/10 at 2:39am