Realistic Expectations from Hubby?

[Jewels06]

So I'm wondering what most women have worked out with their husbands so that they have some recovery sleep time. My husband works and I stay at home with our 4 month old who co-sleeps with me and is still strictly breastfeeding so I know that he will need me in the night at some point.

I also know that my DH needs to get up for work in the morning during the weekdays and also likes to recover from loss of sleep over the weekend. So how often do most women have their DH's sleep with their little ones? I'm just feeling very overwhelmed b/c I haven't had a break in a while. Any thoughts?

Julie

[Chamomile Girl]

Here is what we have found to work for both of us:

I sleep with the baby (lately in a separate room) and feed him all night long. Therefore DH gets a full, uninterrupted night of sleep.

When the kid wakes up in the morning DH gets up with him (usually sometime between 5:30-7am) and plays with him until he is hungry again...usually about an hour and a half...and then gives him back to me in bed where he will often sleep for another hour or so. Therefore I get at least an hour of blissful baby-free sleep, plus extra fitful sleep.

I get to sleep in on Saturdays. This is easier now that baby is starting to eat solids and can skip a boob-feed in the AM if necessary.

DH gets to sleep in on Sundays.

All in all we are both doing ok sleep-wise. Sometimes we stay up too late and then we are both cranky, but if we go to bed at a decent hour it works pretty well.

[colsxjack]

I am a Dh. Here is what has been somewhat/mostly working for us.

We have always slept together in the same bed. Me, my wife in the middle and the baby on the other side. We had a co-sleeper for the first 7 months and a side car crib for the past 6 weeks. Our DD starts off in her co-sleeper and when she wakes up my DW pulls her into bed and feeds her laying down. The both usually just fall asleep. When our DD wakes it usually wakes me up too. But I am able to get back to sleep. My DW will kinda wake up after a bit and put the baby back into her co-sleeper.

Some nights the baby wakes up a lot and/or has a hard time going back in her bed. Those nights she spends most of the night in the bed with us. Sometimes she sleeps between us but I dont love that because she smacks at my head and wakes me up.

Before our DD was 6 months her waking would wake me up more and I would have a hard time sleeping again. Now we have all fallen into a zone and we all get much more sleep. My DW is also able to go to sleep when DD is feeding, so she has been able to get more sleep now too.

In the mornings I usually take DD for an hour while I get ready for work and DW gets an hour of alone sleep. On weekends my DW sleeps in as I am an early riser anyway. Every once in a while my DW keeps the baby with her in bed in the morning because I need my alone time more than sleep.

On weekends my wife sleeps in and I get a nap. I am a napper and she is not.

Personally, I do not think that expecting your DH to sleep some nights with your DC will be reasonable because you nurse through the night. He cannot do that and so it will just mean that he has to fully wake up to bring the baby to you and then you are all losing sleep.

I do think it is reasonable for you all to work out times or days when you get a chance to nap or sleep in on your own.

To get more sleep yourself, maybe you can try nursing laying down and unlatch your baby as soon as they have fallen back to sleep. Try to doze while nursing if possible. My wife unlatches the baby as soon as she falls asleep but keeps her nestled into her. She doesn't move her until she is back into a deep sleep.

Good luck.
I know at about 6 months of total sleep deprivation for both of us a zone seemed to be reached and we are all much more rested. I know we spent many days trying to get a system that worked for us. We flirted with me moving to another room...but that wasn't something that any of us wanted.

On nights when it is really important that I get a good sleep I wear earplugs.

[lifeguard]

When ds was that small we all generally slept together but I responded to all wakings. In the morning on weekends dh would take ds & let me sleep in. He sometimes would (& still does) also let me have a nap alone during the day if need be.

[Maluhia]

I "like" to recover from lack of sleep to.
I did nighttime parenting, and he took daytime on weekends from whatever early hour. Once she was nightweaned, he did all nighttime parenting. At some point in between he got up with her at five and kept her with him while he got ready for "work" because what I did was work too and tired is no more useful at home than it is at an outside job.

[maptome]

My DD will only sleep next to me in bed, so I am trapped there for approx. 11 hours a night. So no lack of sleep for me even if she wakes every hour. DH makes it up by doing chores every night when I'm "sleeping". He then sneaks in and sleeps on the floor next to our mattress on the floor. DH doesn't wake at night unless I wake him up because baby is screaming for long duration and I need a break from the screaming. Maybe once a night, once a week. He can sleep through anything!

As far as expectations from DH, I expect him to be an equal parent and equal partner. Right now, we both feel like how we nighttime parent is fair for each of us.

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Here is what we have found to work for both of us:

I sleep with the baby (lately in a separate room) and feed him all night long. Therefore DH gets a full, uninterrupted night of sleep.

When the kid wakes up in the morning DH gets up with him (usually sometime between 5:30-7am) and plays with him until he is hungry again...usually about an hour and a half...and then gives him back to me in bed where he will often sleep for another hour or so. Therefore I get at least an hour of blissful baby-free sleep, plus extra fitful sleep.

I get to sleep in on Saturdays. This is easier now that baby is starting to eat solids and can skip a boob-feed in the AM if necessary.
DH gets to sleep in on sundays.

we do exactly this except dh never gets a lie in bc he's in another room and gets 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night . It's hard when they are little and need feeding so often. At about 10 months I was able to start taking longer weekend lie ins. Also, when I'm at breaking point, I will wake dh up to help.

[MommaCrystal]

My husband's sleep is no more important than mine. No matter that he works an outside job all day every day. Taking care of the kids is a job all day every day too.

So the baby usually sleeps right near me either next to my bed or in it. If anyone has to get out of bed for any reason HE does it. That goes for diaper changes or midnight parenting of our other children. If he needs help then I'll get up too. This seems equal to us because I wake up several times to nurse and I'm not always able to go back to sleep.

As far as weekends go. He gets up with the kids and gives me a bit of time to sleep or just relax. I'm with them 24/7. I need a bit of break. He loves his daddy time and so do the kids. Of course if I hear he needs help, or he's been sick, or worked all night then that is a different story. Of course this really only happens on Saturdays. On Sunday we need to get up and out for church.

Bottom line is we just try really hard to work together and not keep score so to speak. It works for us.

[GoGoGirl]

Our DD just turned 1. We've done things a few different ways, but this is what works for us now.

When DD wakes up in the morning, DH hangs out with her until he goes to work. I get an hour or so of sleeping alone, in whatever position I choose! DH brings me DD when she's hungry; I nurse her without really waking up. (When we were first trying this out, I had to wear ear plugs so I could sleep through it when she fussed with DH. Now they're more in their groove, and she doesn't fuss anymore.)

I do all the nighttime parenting, but that's really pretty minimal with DD. She wakes up a few times at night but goes back to sleep quickly if I nurse her. She does nurse a lot once I'm in bed, but I sleep through it. If DD wakes up and wants to play for hours, or is up a lot because of teething, I wake DH up to take a turn.

On weekends, DH usually wakes up with DD and I sleep in. He wishes I would let him sleep in 1 day though (and sometimes I do). If DH gets up with DD, he takes a really long nap later in the day.

I should say that it took us a while to get into a routine that worked for us. At first, DH truly believed that my sleep wasn't as important as his. That infuriated me!! Yeah, he goes to work and has to be able to think, but I have to keep a helpless human alive all day. I think things got better for us once DD started sleeping better. Now there's more sleep to go around, so we're not fighting over it like we used to.

[dachshund mom]

I do all the night time parenting, but being a stay at home mom, I can nap and/or sleep in after a bad night. I also can go to bed with DD at 9pm and sleep till 9am (and I do if I'm tired). DH is up before 5 for work. Even if she's nursing every hour, I've got the better deal. Occasionally if DD is wired and won't go to sleep, DH will take her for an hour while I sleep and bring her to me when she tires out.

Last week, DD was teething and was up in 'the middle of the night' and wouldn't go back down, so we got up and were playing in the living room. Half an hour later DH comes walking in dressed for work, and I thought, how do you get up this early every day?!?

[Channelle]

What we do is that I rock her to sleep, and I lay her next to DH in the bed and then go into the living room to pump/eat/watch tv/play on the internet/clean, etc. and he rakes care of her if she wakes up. I then go to sleep and do the night time parenting if there is any (she doesn't breastfeed and sleeps through the night usually. I wake up to check on her/straighten her blanket/move her binky if she spits it out). I get up before her usually, and leave her sleeping besides Erik and tell him to bring her to me if she wakes up, if I don't come back in before she wakes. I then get my pump/tv/eat time some more, and when she gets up he usually brings her to me to feed. We share daytime parenting for the most part, me doing the majority of the feeding/diapering and him doing a lot of the entertaining and interacting, and he usually watches her for a couple hours during the day so I can get a nap/prepare dinner/etc. We both work part time, so I get her all to myself when he works, and he gets her all to himself when I work. He works a bit more than I do though.

This all changes if one of us has to do something different-like going to work the next day really early. Then the other one will help out by letting the other one get a bit more sleep, or making the meals for the other person, etc.