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Do you say hello when someone says hello to you?

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 
Okay, I know this isn't a big deal, but it's been bugging me this week for some reason. There are two moms at DS's school that just seem to go out of their way to not say hello to me. And I don't corner people into conversation or anything -- I generally just walk along with a pleasant expression on my face, and say a quick "hi" or smile and nod at people who make eye contact with me.

But there are two moms who are just stone-faced for whatever reason, although I see them talking and laughing with other moms, so it's not like they're just grumpy that day or whatever. One of them parked in front of me yesterday and went bizarrely out of her way to avoid looking at me -- as we passed each other very closely between our cars' bumpers, she actually stared straight up at the sky with a look of intense concentration on her face -- I had to bite my lip to avoid bursting out laughing. Is it really that hard to just toss off a quick "hi" to somebody? I don't get it.

ETA: Actually, the same woman who looked up at the sky also came up as I was talking to another mom and butted in with a comment to the other mom about a totally different subject. Trying not to be annoyed, I went along with the change in conversation and joined in the new conversation, and she completely ignored me and kind of edged me out, so I just went away with my DD. Maybe I did something to piss her off somehow? Although I've never even talked to her, so I can't imagine what. But geez! Is this just how the school years are? Ughhhh.
post #2 of 45
yes i do, even if i don't actually know the person to talk to properly, it's the polite thing to do imo.
post #3 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by beckyand3littlemonsters View Post
yes i do, even if i don't actually know the person to talk to properly, it's the polite thing to do imo.
This.
post #4 of 45
I always say hello.. even if its someone I don't really like. I always do my part to get along.

When we bought our house, we quickly realized we were the only youngish (early 20s for me and early 30s for dh) to live on the block. We were also the only couple with children. Literally there are no other kids then ours. So I think it might have lead people to think badly about us for some reason or to assume that we were going to be problem neighbors? We are actually a super quiet couple, we are very friendly with our neighbors and really try to make everyone feel like a part of our block, if a neighbor asks us for a favor, if its in our power we do it. Now after 6 years, we have a great relationship with almost all of our neighbors.

One neighbor, is very odd. About a month after we bought our house, we had a plumbing problem and I really really needed to use the bathroom, so I ran down the road to the end of the block, to the only neighbor that was home during the day to ask if I could use her toilet. I had to pee soo bad! She looked at me and said "Sure, but lets not make this into something were you are over here all the time asking for handouts." I think my mouth hit the sidewalk I was so shocked. I just kinda gasped and said " I am sorry I asked, have a good day". Then I ran home and peed in my back yard. I was really shocked for a long time about that. I have no idea what made her think we were the kinda people that would ask for handouts?

Anyway, after 6 years we still do not talk or do anything together, but when I see her passing me or see her outside I always wave hello.

people can be so strange sometimes.
post #5 of 45
If you said "hi" to me,I might not say hi back cause sometimes I have trouble with social situations and even a polite "hi" can feel like a violation of my space. This usually isn't the case and I usually say hello first but sometimes, I just can't do it.
It isn't personal.
post #6 of 45
I try to always say "Hi" back if some one says it to me. If I don't then I try to at least smile.
post #7 of 45
I always do.

I know how you feel though bc there is a mom of one of my ds1's classmates that doesn't seem to like me. She ignores me, doesn't acknowledge my presence, etc. I think it's kind of funny that she dislikes me but has never even talked to me. It doesn't bother me bc I know that I am a friendly person and that it's her issue.
post #8 of 45
I always say Hi. We call those type of people "non hi sayers". It truly offends my husband, he gets so irritated and full of disbelief!
post #9 of 45
Yes, always. I'm usually the one initiating good morning or hello (our principal mentioned to DH how cheerful and friendly I was, which is bizarre, because I consider myself pretty shy lol). Our school is pretty friendly, and most people will say hello, chat what have you. But there is one mom who refuses to even look in my direction. It was really uncomfortable one time at a birthday party as she talked to everyone else from school including my husband, but wouldn't give me the time of day. Her hubby is nice/polite. Go fig! Fortunately I don't run into too often.

Another mom wouldn't say hi for the longest time (she's friendly with other moms), another mom mentioned the same thing happening to her, to me, and I was soooo relieved I wasn't the only one.
post #10 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tanyam926 View Post
It doesn't bother me bc I know that I am a friendly person and that it's her issue.
I guess that's how I need to learn to view things. I know that not everyone has to like me (which, I admit, is hard for me to take -- but I'm nice, dammit! ), but I'm not asking this lady for lifelong friendship, just a little sociability. Oh well. I feel foolish continuing to smile in her direction when she's so dismissive of me, but I can't bring myself to be weirdly avoidant/rude back to her.
post #11 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by beckyand3littlemonsters View Post
yes i do, even if i don't actually know the person to talk to properly, it's the polite thing to do imo.
Me too, I say hello to complete strangers and chat with them in like at the PO.
I'd want to corner the sky watcher and ask, "Hey lady whats your problem"
Or maybe try sky watching when she comes past, how rude she was to butt in and take over.
post #12 of 45
i would feel extremely awkward NOT saying hello. there are ways to say hello without inviting conversation. even if i didn't like the person or i was uncomfortable just a quick "hi" would suffice and then i would keep walking or doing what i was doing.
post #13 of 45
I don't always say "Hi" back but I always give a friendly smile! If my throat is dry then I don't always have a voice and have to clear my throat which I can't do in a quick passing
post #14 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by jess_paez View Post
i would feel extremely awkward NOT saying hello. there are ways to say hello without inviting conversation. even if i didn't like the person or i was uncomfortable just a quick "hi" would suffice and then i would keep walking or doing what i was doing.
Yup to all this. If someone said hi to me and I didn't say hi back, or give a smile or something, I'd feel bad about it afterward. I figure if you just look really harried/hurried as you say it, they'll assume you don't have time to talk, but you've said hi back and fulfilled the social obligation to acknowledge someone's greeting.
post #15 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I guess that's how I need to learn to view things. I know that not everyone has to like me (which, I admit, is hard for me to take -- but I'm nice, dammit! ), but I'm not asking this lady for lifelong friendship, just a little sociability. Oh well. I feel foolish continuing to smile in her direction when she's so dismissive of me, but I can't bring myself to be weirdly avoidant/rude back to her.
How could she know whether or not she likes you if she won't communicate with you?

Don't feel like there's something wrong with you, she just clearly has a deficiency in the social skills department.
post #16 of 45
I say "hi" if people greet me. I don't generally respond if people just smile and nod. Mostly because I don't see when they do that.

That being said, it is possible (and someone might have mentioned this, but I am strapped for time and can't really read the whole thread) that these two moms are just really shy. For someone painfully shy, even saying hello to someone they don't know can be an impossible task while chatting and laughing with people they do know is fairly easy to do. I personally would just ignore it. DH is like that. He has a hard time responding to strangers. Even when he knows what to say, it takes a fair amount of time for it to get from his brain to the outside world and I have seen him purposely avoid looking at someone who insists on trying to talk to him every time she sees him because he just can't do it. He needs someone there to break the ice. (How he ended up with a daughter in spite of this is a source of mystery to me BTW.)
post #17 of 45
Sounds like there's something funny going on with those two mothers. Do you have potentially offensive bumper stickers... or a potentially offensive scent? That goes beyond social cluelesness into high-school cattiness if you ask me - not cool.

I tend to give people a nervous, tight-lipped smile as I walk past, and if they say hi I emit a strangled "Hi" in a squeaky voice. It's very elegant. Unless the people have babies, in which case I grin at the babies like a doofus, or a dog, in which case I say "Ooh look, a doggie!" to DD.
post #18 of 45
I'm constantly ignored like that by the moms at ds's school. They won't even look me in the eye.

Yep, I'm different from them. I don't dress in designer clothing; I'm not wealthy; I'm not thin; I'm not married. (You may think that these things shouldn't matter but in my town, they do. At least to the women in this town.)

It's not just at his school, actually. If I'm taking a walk or shopping in the town center, my attempts at saying hello are outright ignored.

(Yes, I'd like to move but it isn't possible right now.)
post #19 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I say "hi" if people greet me. I don't generally respond if people just smile and nod. Mostly because I don't see when they do that.

That being said, it is possible (and someone might have mentioned this, but I am strapped for time and can't really read the whole thread) that these two moms are just really shy. For someone painfully shy, even saying hello to someone they don't know can be an impossible task while chatting and laughing with people they do know is fairly easy to do. I personally would just ignore it. DH is like that. He has a hard time responding to strangers. Even when he knows what to say, it takes a fair amount of time for it to get from his brain to the outside world and I have seen him purposely avoid looking at someone who insists on trying to talk to him every time she sees him because he just can't do it. He needs someone there to break the ice. (How he ended up with a daughter in spite of this is a source of mystery to me BTW.)
I had a quite acidic remark ready to go about "not only do I say hi but I make sure not to exclude somebody who's trying to make an overture," but this brought up a generous consideration for me to remember.
post #20 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
I'm constantly ignored like that by the moms at ds's school. They won't even look me in the eye.

Yep, I'm different from them. I don't dress in designer clothing; I'm not wealthy; I'm not thin; I'm not married. (You may think that these things shouldn't matter but in my town, they do. At least to the women in this town.)

It's not just at his school, actually. If I'm taking a walk or shopping in the town center, my attempts at saying hello are outright ignored.

(Yes, I'd like to move but it isn't possible right now.)
This sucks. I've seen it happen, too, as a young wife. There was a spouse's group, mostly college-educated and honestly not struggling for funds. One of the wives talked about being a waitress and how much she loved the work . . . she became invisible, and I don't think most of us even saw it happen.

I'm often the only one in jeans at meetings and people who don't know me can sometimes be dismissive. One gentleman in a suit cut me off at a school board meeting (tried to, anyway ) and when I said something to DH afterwards he told me "next time lose the black sweater and wear a twinset with a circle pin."
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