If you limit screen time...

[hipumpkins]

Ok here's the story and I'd like to know what you think. did I expect too much from a 7 1/2 year old?
We limit screen time to a few times a week when I work at night. (IF it were solely up to me there would be way less but DH can't really handle the kids all night when I work so screen time increased when my work schedule did)
Tuesday nights are usually DD's night to choose what she wants to watch. Tuesday afternoon Dd's friend's mom asked me if she could bring a movie for the kids to watch on Weds all together. The mom recently bought the frog princess (The new Disney movie) and they don't have anything to watch it in b/c they are in between homes and living in a hotel.
So although I am truly against play dates with movies I felt badly b/c of their situation so I thought it might be ok one time.
I asked DD if she wanted to give up her movie on Tuesday in order to watch a movie with her friends the next day.
she said she did.
Tuesday night I go to work and Weds morning I find out that she did in fact watch a DVD Tuesday night.
I told her we had cancel the movie with friends b/c she is not allowed that much screen time.
She was upset and said, "But daddy said w could watch"
I told her all she had to say was, "I can't b/c I want to watch a movie tomorrow"
Do you think it is reasonable at he age to expect self control of that sort?

(Oh and I asked the mom if we could reschedule a move time and she was not bothered by the cancellation. the kids came and played together anyway)

[Shelsi]

Honestly? Yes I do think so. But then I also of course don't know the whole story. Was your dd manipulating your dh by asking for a movie when she knew she wasn't supposed to? Or did he just ask what movie she wanted to watch because he didn't know any different so she went along with it? Big difference in those 2 scenarios IMO.

[Sydnee]

I feel that it's too much to ask of a 7.5 year old. I too, am against movie play dates, but I wouldn't make a big fuss over it if it happened once in awhile, ya know?

[velochic]

Yes, I do think that's too much to ask a 7.5yo. Dd turned 8 last month and she is the kind of kid to follow ALL the rules. I'm not sure it's about willpower, really. I don't think she would have thought to tell her father that she'd be having a movie date with a friend the next day, even if we had discussed it thoroughly. Maybe she would have, but I wouldn't expect it.

My mom lives with us and dd spends a lot of time out there. My mother watches TV ALL DAY LONG. When dd is around, the rule is that the TV is off unless I know. Even my mom, who has no memory problems, sometimes just forgets even though she is very respectful of my rules concerning dd.

I also would not take away something that is a set rule (getting to have her TV time on Tuesday) because of a special occasion. I think they can both exist without it causing a permanent expectation of getting TV time on Tuesday and Wednesday every week. I believe in exceptions a lot, though. Dd gets an hour of PBS or pbskids.org (the only website she's allowed on) after school *if* her homework is done. Sometimes she's just so tired (her school is one hour away, so her day is extra long), I make the exception and just let her veg out for even a couple of hours.

In our case, a Disney movie wouldn't have been allowed, so you can see that my perception is completely different. I wouldn't have worried about the extra movie, but I wouldn't have let my dd watch the movie at all because it's Disney.

[Shelsi]

Originally Posted by velochic

Yes, I do think that's too much to ask a 7.5yo. Dd turned 8 last month and she is the kind of kid to follow ALL the rules. I'm not sure it's about willpower, really. I don't think she would have thought to tell her father that she'd be having a movie date with a friend the next day, even if we had discussed it thoroughly. Maybe she would have, but I wouldn't expect it.

My mom lives with us and dd spends a lot of time out there. My mother watches TV ALL DAY LONG. When dd is around, the rule is that the TV is off unless I know. Even my mom, who has no memory problems, sometimes just forgets even though she is very respectful of my rules concerning dd.

I also would not take away something that is a set rule (getting to have her TV time on Tuesday) because of a special occasion. I think they can both exist without it causing a permanent expectation of getting TV time on Tuesday and Wednesday every week. I believe in exceptions a lot, though. Dd gets an hour of PBS or pbskids.org (the only website she's allowed on) after school *if* her homework is done. Sometimes she's just so tired (her school is one hour away, so her day is extra long), I make the exception and just let her veg out for even a couple of hours.

In our case, a Disney movie wouldn't have been allowed, so you can see that my perception is completely different. I wouldn't have worried about the extra movie, but I wouldn't have let my dd watch the movie at all because it's Disney.

You're lucky your dd doesn't go to my ds's old school. He was in kindy (I pulled him out and HS him now) and they watched a Disney movie EVERYDAY and then for the one and only field trip they ever took they went to the movie theater, saw the Princess and the Frog, and they served them coke. Any guesses on why I pulled him out of that school?

[Autumn Breeze]

Hm, honestly if I didn't tell my dh that "we've decided her screen time is going to be X, so tonight it will have to be something else to entertain her while I'm at work"

I would still allow the movie play date. I don't know that I could have expected my son just a year ago to realized and tell his father that I'd chosen not to watch tv tonight instead I'm watching a movie tomorrow.

[Jessy1019]

I don't think Rylie would have remembered, if Mike asked her what movie she wanted to watch that night. She may have, but it's pretty likely she wouldn't have, especially if watching a movie was a normal part of the evening routine.

We don't limit screen time, and the kids pretty much self-regulate an amount that isn't bothersome to me, but I know there have been other things that I asked Rylie to do/not to do when I wasn't home, and she's forgotten.

Then again, it's not infrequent that *I* dictate something and forget to enforce it.

[hipumpkins]

Jessy you were supposed to say, "Yes absolutely it is not unreasonable to expect self discipline at that age" :P

[phathui5]

I definitely think you're expecting too much from a 7 1/2 year old. I had almost the exact same thing happen with my nine year old, who honestly thought that Dad saying he could watch the show meant that the deal we had made didn't apply.

[4Marmalade]

I can see how I might "wish" that my ds would remember and refuse the movie but I don't think I would expect him to. Especially if they were just following normal routine. I think if you wanted to enforce it you should have mentioned the arrangement to your dh so he could remind your dd.

[Autumn Breeze]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I definitely think you're expecting too much from a 7 1/2 year old. I had almost the exact same thing happen with my nine year old, who honestly thought that Dad saying he could watch the show meant that the deal we had made didn't apply.

That's exactly what my kids would think! Which is why if I don't want them to watch something/do something I have to tell them AND my husband.

[LynnS6]

I'm not sure my kids could do that, especially if watching a movie on Tuesday is an entrenched routine.

I would have told my dh and expected him to enforce it.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

Jessy you were supposed to say, "Yes absolutely it is not unreasonable to expect self discipline at that age" :P

Normally I would, I do have pretty high expectations for my kids . . . but I know how easily I forget little details like that!

Is she eager for more screen time than she has, or is she pretty accepting of the way things are? I'd be more inclined to assume "bad" motives if she was really pushing to be allowed more time . . . does that help?! I'm trying to live up to your expectations, here!

[ecoteat]

I wouldn't count on a kid that age to pass along a message about a change in routine from one parent to the other.

[hipumpkins]

Originally Posted by Jessy1019

Normally I would, I do have pretty high expectations for my kids . . . but I know how easily I forget little details like that!

Is she eager for more screen time than she has, or is she pretty accepting of the way things are? I'd be more inclined to assume "bad" motives if she was really pushing to be allowed more time . . . does that help?! I'm trying to live up to your expectations, here!

Hmm I wonder if I gave the impression that she is being punished for watching or that I think her behavior was "bad" . My intent is to teach her that there is limited number of hours set for viewing and if you use them up they are gone. My intent is to teach her responsibility in a time management way.
To me it is the same as, after Sunday school there are treats set out for coffee hour. some are sugary sweets and some are bagels and fruit. My kids know if they choose the sugary stuff they can not eat dessert after dinner b/c that is the sweets limit.
It isn't set up as a punishment like, "well you had treats after Sunday school so no dessert for you" it's more like keeping track and keeping healthy.
That was my intent with the movie.
I can see now that maybe it was age inappropriate but I just wanted to clarify that my daughter was not being punished for watching the DVD Tuesday.