Worried about angry crying fits and head banging

[JessieBird]

Do you think this is teething or something more serious? My 16 mo DS has been angry for a few weeks now, probably almost a month. He is really cranky and will have frequent sudden outbursts of crying, angry grunts, throwing things, hitting things everything in sight, and, most disturbing to me, banging his forehead quite hard repeatedly against the floor or wall or whatever. Sometimes it's the back of his head if he's in his high chair. He used to be a very easy, happy baby so the crankiness is a new challenge for me and the head banging has me very concerned. It just looks so awful and he deliberately hurts himself to the point of sobbing.

He has been cutting 4 molars for a while now so I've been telling myself that's the reason but no amount of Tylenol and Oragel (not to mention al the natural and homeopathic teething remedies we first tried) seem to make any difference so I'm scared that there's something more serious going on. Also, it doesn't happen at daycare. Only at home and usually in the evenings, though it can be at other times too. I'm a pretty calm mum and I don't think there are any stressors at home - it's just the two of us most of the time, with a little soft music on, no loud tv or dogs barking or anything that might be irritating him in the environment (that I can figure anyway). It started out as just one 5 minute episode every few days but now it is almost constant and I'm really troubled. He is not easily consoled, though distraction will work to a point. Cuddles do not - he pushes me a way angrily.

He has no food allergies and no medical issues that I'm aware of. He drools a bit occasionally but not often and it doens't necessarily coincide with the fits. He's not showing any other teething signs. He is sleeping well. He sometimes eats well and sometimes doesn't, but that's nothing new.

Thanks for any insight you can share!

[DaisyMay]

My son used to head-bang when he was about that age - scary and sad, but he just got over it himself in time - probably when he became better at communicating with language, or else when he realised he was hurting himself, not anyone else. I never really knew the reason he did it, but it seemed to me, the pattern it usually followed was when he was mad or frustrated about something, he wouldn't want cuddles or comfort, then he'd head-bang and end up hurting himself which would make him sad, then he would be able to accept cuddles and comfort. It was almost like he was trying to convert his feelings into something more able to manage. I would guess teething as one of the main culprits in your son's case (often worse in the evening), also perhaps a new phase of separation type issues or something similar (these seem to come and go). On the weekends, if you are at home with him all day does he follow the same pattern? I found sometimes with my son, when he got into a pattern of always being difficult at a certain time of day, just shaking up the schedule a bit, doing things in a different order could help. Generally, he always liked routine and things to be the same, but when he'd gotten into a funk about something, changing things round could help. I researched a bit into the head-banging thing when we were going through it and it really didn't seem like it was an indicator of anything more serious than just normal kid frustration/expression (unless there are other factors present) so i'm sure this is the case for you and he will grow out of it in time.

[marispel]

My DS did this too. It was scary how hard he banged his head on the floor, on the walls and on his crib. Now, at 18 mo this has finally slowed down. He only does it if he is really, really upset and he usually bangs it once, not repeately anymore.

[redvlagrl]

How frustrating and upsetting! When he does it do you rush over and make a big fuss? Perhaps you could try reacting less interested - like go over and put your hand between the chair and his head (to cushion the banging) and otherwise not react much?

DD is also 18 mths and has started doing things like this when she doesn't get her way and is angry about it (proto-tantrum?). It's very transparent in her case so I have either just sat there and acted disinterested/continued singing or whatever I was doing or I just tell her that she is angry and that is not a sensible/safe way to express it. Then when she's done (usually 20 secs later) I will talk to her nicely - rewarding her calm behavior. I'm also a pretty calm mum. So far this has been working...though ask me in a few months, LOL!~

[Theia]

My 2yo DD has been doing this for a few months. She is figuring out that it hurts. I passively watch her do it. I talk to her about being angry or frustrated. Then when she is done she usually wants cuddles so I love on her talk to her some more about how she must be feeling emotionally, and how she hurts her head now, and that I wish she wouldn't do that.

[joynsyde]

Have you thought about the possibility that there's something traumatizing him at daycare? Does he seem to resist actually going to daycare? Or maybe it's kind of a catharsis for him to do these things... He sounds like my son, who is always a perfect angel at daycare. He is so obedient and cooperative at daycare, it's not fair!! But I think that's actually a bit unhealthy, because he's repressing his normal behavior. So when he gets home all the negative energy he's built up over the day comes out at once. My son doesn't have the anger you describe, though, so maybe ther'es something more serious bothering your son... bullying, molestation, the other kids won't play with him, cruel punishments, who knows?? You can't be too cautious these days.

Or perhaps it's a resurgence of separation anxiety, he's unable to communicate his fears about being away from you.

I think if there's anger there, it's not wise to ignore it or say it's just a phase. Think about when you're angry--that's a real emotion, not to be dismissed. It's harder for children, because they don't know how to express what's really bothering them.
I wish I could offer some advice. My perspective is that if there's a drastic personality change, there's soemhing going on. Maybe a child counselor could help.

One last thing that comes to mind-- when I was an adolescent I had periods where I felt so low in self-esteem, angry at life, lonely, unimportant, insignificant, that I would have periods where I felt like literally banging my head against something. Maybe this is a common impulse for people, even children, who feel low in self-esteem somehow?

BIG HUG

[Megan73]

I disagree strongly that this behaviour suggests molestation or some other nefarious cause.
OP, I think PPs have made it clear that it's pretty normal - and passing - toddler behavior. My suspicion is that it doesn't happen at DC because it doesn't get positive reinforcement from an (understandably!) worried mama because DC providers have BTDT.
Hang in there. I'm bracing for this with my 20-month-old because I've seen many of my friends go through it before me.

[ainh]

OMG...my 14 month old started doing this about 6-7 weeks ago. Tiredness and frustration bring it out in him...and he's also not comforted by me, though I can sometimes distract him. The only thing that has helped is to just pick him up when he's doing it (with a very calm "no bangy-bang") and remove him. The problem is that he does it in the crib if he wakes up and in the carseat too (but at least that is padded). I really hope it passes. I hate, hate, hate watching him get so angry and violent towards himself.