first meeting with midwife has me reconsidering homebirth...

[yummama]

I had my daughter in an awesome, small birthing center in VT with midwives. I would totally go back there, but we've moved to southern New England. I was so excited to be moving to a town with an insurance covered homebirth midwife. I called her a few weeks ago, when I was just about 5 weeks pregnant, and she scheduled an appt. right away (I wasn't expecting it to be so soon!). The day of the appt, her secretary called and moved it forward a bit--no problem for me. But it was clear she was really, really rushed during the appt. She took my blood, didn't explain what for (I mean, I know what it's for because I've done the test before, but maybe a courtesy--we are testing for blah, blah, blah...), she never explained anything about her practice, never tried to help me determine my due date(which I had told her on the phone I didn't really know because of BFing)....it felt like I was just there to give blood, and I guess I wanted to know a bit more about the woman that will be the sole attendant (well, besides DH and DD) and my homebirth. She basically gave me back to her secretary and then said she had a hair appointment to get to. Ah, so that was the reason for rescheduling me and rushing through the appt. and making me feel like an inconvenience.

I started to try to find alternative birthing options today, and the outlook is bleak. I REALLY don't want to be in an overcrowded city hospital where I can have a CNM, or be seen in a more country setting my an OB.

I guess I just want to know....
What were other people's first meeting with their homebirth midwives like? Did you hit it off right away? Is a short first meeting normal?

[MaerynPearl]

I have only had one meeting with mine so far and it was at 15 weeks (aka this week, monday actually) because she is in NC and I am in IL... I flew down just to meet her before 30 weeks when I will move down so I do not end up going into preterm labor and not want her there in the hospital because I dont know her...

Yes, we hit it off great! We got there about 15 minutes early and could tell she wasnt ready for us yet... but I admit that was by far our fault. We just didnt know how far it would be from where we were or how bad traffic would be and our theory is better early than late!

After sitting in her office for 15 minutes waiting for her... our meeting went great! She was obviously busy on the side (she had three calls while we were there from a lady going into labor updating her on how far apart contractions were, then that the water broke, then asking about if she could get in the tub with her water broken) but never ever made us feel rushed. The lady in labor was in the same town and she said wasnt even close to time for her to go so we shouldnt feel the need to rush out...

Plus we got to meet both of the other midwives with her, both were her apprentices and all three were just awesome and sweet, talked to us about their practice, about what would risk me out of a homebirth, listened for babys heartbeat (you wouldnt have been far enough for that yet) which was great because it was DFs first time hearing it... did a urine test, she went through my bloodwork from my doctor and told me to drink more water, eat more iron, keep taking my vitamin c and avoid calcium around when I eat my iron-rich foods.

we were there for over an hour talking with the three of them about everything to do with the baby, our move, our wedding and my current doctor (whom I love and am reluctant to give up but I have to move to NC to be with DF so I have to give her up ) They were amazed that my doctor was the one that talked me into doing a homebirth and is excited I chose to even though she cant be there for it.

So uh... to answer your question...

It seems quite rude to me to rush you so much and not actually sit and talk to you at all especially for something as unimportant as a hair appointment... I mean if she had a lady that was going through transition and she had to go to be there for that, that's one thing. I have had doctors appointments get canceled halfway through because one of her patients was far enough in labor for her to go. (this has happened TWICE with my doctor... I just have some odd luck there lol.) That never offends me, obviously that is a bit more of an emergency than anything I'm experiencing that has me in her office rather than the hospital.

Personally, I would see if there are any other midwifes in the area that may take your insurance... maybe not in your town... but my midwife will be about 45 minutes away and has NO problem with that, Ive seen other ladies with a midwife almost 2 hours away who have no problem with the distance either.

[Oztok5]

I would have been upset too since one of my favorite things about using a midwife is not feeling as rushed as with an OB. We had a consultation for our first meeting with our midwife, so the whole point of the meeting was asking questions/getting to know her which is a little different than your situation.

Personally, I would give it one more appointment before I gave up on the homebirth plan. Everyone has a bad day sometimes, so I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one and go in with a happy attitude, expecting different next time.

[matthia]

I might give her another chance, just to make sure it wasn't a one-off bad day. BUT, my first appointment with my MW was at least an hour. I had an entire notebook of questions I wanted answered about her and the practice and the other midwives. I wanted to know all my options and answers to all my worries. My husband was there too so he had the chance to ask her any questions he wanted....

I mean, we are both first timers but I do think a lot of what went on in that first meeting is something I would like to repeat in subsequent pregnancies, if I had to use another care provider. I felt amazing after that meeting. I was utterly satisfied with our choice and so was my husband. Your meeting sounds a lot like my appointment with my GP before I switched my care to my MW....I was left feeling really unsure about my care and I calculated my own EDD because although she told me about how far along I was (which I knew already) she didn't give me a date....

[laohaire]

Ick. And I can't believe she didn't have the good graces to at least refrain from mentioning that the so-called emergency was a hair appointment.

No, my first meeting with my homebirth midwife lasted at least two hours. Two relaxed hours where we talked through anything that came up and did a little checkup. Subsequent appointments were an hour each, all relaxed. My midwife got to know my cats, tried my salad, all that.

I'm all for keeping an open mind, but somebody once said "when people show you who they are, believe them." We DO have off days for sure, I know I have had situations where I would hate for anyone to judge me based on that one interaction. But as a professional, you expect to be judged by limited interactions. I know I wouldn't blame one of my clients (I'm not in the birthing industry) for switching to another company if I blew them off during my first meeting with them. That's par for the course. This isn't friendship, this is a professional relationship where you are depending on the midwife to care for you and support you. And when push comes to shove, you need her to do that even if she's having an off day or has a hair appointment.

So that's my opinion of it.

[sioleabha]

I might give her one more chance, but IMO the first appointment should be longer and not rushed. It should be a time for you to sit and get to know each other and decide whether she is the right midwife for you. I'm seeing an OB for this pregnancy, and even with him our first appointment includes a sit down discussion so I can ask all my questions -- basically an interview. (I made it a point to ask for this, and they told me it was standard for the first appointment.)

[yummama]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I'm glad to know I didn't "overreact". I keep telling myself that I may have (because I so want to like her), but I just have this gut feeling that she isn't the type of caregiver I need. I had a long interview type meeting with my midwives before my daughter's birth, where they explained who they were, birthing center policies, answered all of my questions, etc. And I fully expect that with any new caregiver! I can't help but feel that someone who would blow off a new client for a hair appointment (and tell her that without apology I might add), isn't going to become the patient, listening type overnight. I'm just really sad, because when I called to make an appointment at a local hospital, it sounded like a really loud, full waiting room and the woman was impatient to get off the phone with me....sigh.
Anyhow, thanks again for the responses.

[etsdtm99]

I would call and schedule a interview type appt so she can tell you about herself/practice .. Or have the secretary make a note that you want to talk about thAt stuff next time.. My first midwfe appt was an interview that lasted 2 hours, our first prenatal at 7 weeks was an hour and a half, 3rd appt was an hour... I was very comfortable with her from our first meeting, and have never felt rushed despite our late night appointments and my midwives hour long drive home

[emnic77]

ugh, i would be really put out. my interview appointment, and then my first pre-natal with my homebirth midwife were each 90 minutes long. we hit it off, chatted for forever, and not for one second did i feel rushed.

i would probably look for someone different, i mean first impressions can be wrong and all, but that would tick me off.

[jennica]

I'm confused as to why you chose this midwife? Is she your only option? I interviewed 4 homebirth midwives, and each interview lasted over an hour while I just asked question after question to make sure she was the right fit for me. When I chose one, my first visit with her and her apprentice was really nice and laid back. I sat in her office for about an hour and everything was relaxed. We talked about all the stuff I would need to know and she gave me paperwork to read and sign. I would be very put out by an experience like yours. Can you maybe interview a few homebirth midwives and choose one that is better suited to your personality?

[JessieBird]

I would be really bothered as well. One of the main reasons (before I knew very much about birth options) that I switched from my GP/OB to a MW with DS was the longer appointments and more considerate prenatal care. The social aspect is very important to my feeling of wellbeing and confidence.

However, if she really is the only option in your area, then I'd give her another chance. If you are able to, try to be honest about what bothered you the first time and see how she responds. Maybe she wasn't handling a frantic day very well and perhaps she even felt like she was doing you a favour by squeezing you in. These aren't good excuses for her behavior but she may be able to overcome this bad first impression.

First though, I'd ask her for references and call around. See if the attitude she displayed is typical for her or if it was an exceptional day. You may learn things from the references that either make you feel better about her or confirm that you don't want to bother meeting her again.

And this is your second birth (as far as I can tell from your siggy and the info you've given) - maybe you feel the same way I do and that is that I don't need as much from my MW this time around. I know what I'm getting myself into and feel like I'm the driver and not the passenger this time. I think I will need far less of my MW's time this time around because I know what to ask for and can get right to the point. Though I wouldn't be thrilled about it, I could probably work with your midwife this time around. Especially if the other option was a typical hospital OB.

I'm not trying to convince you to go with someone you're not comfortable with (or who quite frankly doesn't sound like she deserves your business) but just that if she really is the only option for getting the birth outcome you want, you may need to find ways to feel better about her and to make her work for you.

[yummama]

JessieBird--I know what you mean about needing less from her this time around. I definitely don't need my hand held constantly like I did with DD! And she truly is THE only HB midwife around, so that is why I can't just go interview someone else, because I definitely would.
I made an appt. with an OB who has privileges at a very natural birth accommodating hospital (they have the aquadoula tubs at request, etc.), just to see how it felt to make the appointment and commitment to that in my head (does that sound crazy? I hope not!). And I'm just not feeling that great about it. It feels wrong. So I am going to give the MW one more shot, and maybe get up the courage to address how I felt at the last meeting.
THANKS again for all of your input!