My son cries all.the.time.

[mom_2_carson]

and I can't take it anymore! This morning went something like this:

DH: time to get up and dressed C.......
DS: I can't do that <cries>
DH: (5 min later) what would you like for breakfast
DS: I don't know <cries>
DH: your options for breakfast are .........
DS: I just can't decide <cries>
DH: okay, then I'll make you......
DS: but I don't want that <cries>
DH: Please go grab your socks and shoes while I make breakfast
DS: but I can't do that <cries>
DH: where's your shirt
DS: I don't know what I want to wear <cries>

And this went on and on and on. DS will be 5 next week. He's an emotional child, always has been, always will be, and I accept that. But, is it really too much to ask for him not to break down into tears over everything? And it's not just crying, it's rubbing his eyes, laying down or rolling around on the floor, if we ask him to come talk to us he'll wiggle or crawl as slow as possible. I'm at the end of my rope. He makes it so hard to take him anywhere.

If we go to a restaurant and they don't have what he wants to drink he'll cry, if he changes his mind after he's ordered his food he'll cry, if he asks for candy and we say no he'll cry. Ok, you get the picture, anything will set it off.

We've worked for a long time to give him words to use, to make some decisions for him because we thought maybe he felt over loaded. We've tried picking out clothes for school the night before and had some succcess with that but now the clothes he's picked out aren't what he wants to wear in the morning. We tried deciding what breakfast will be the night before but now he changes his mind about that in the morning too. Before I go grocery shopping I ask if there's anything he'd like, sometimes I take him to the store to help pick things out.

I'm at a loss at this point. He's sleeping from 7pm - 5:30am and that seems to be a good amount of sleep for him. He's usually a happy, energetic child, but he can change emotions at the drop of a hat and once he starts down the path of crying and being upset it's almost impossible to stop him. We keep him on a schedule so he always knows what's coming, we give him 10, 5, 2, and 1 minute warnings before we're going to leave someplace or change activities.

Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore, and I dread having to deal with him sometimes.

[Sydnee]

My middle daughter who is almost 7 is also a very emotional child. It has made me crazy! One thing that works for us, is to say, "I understnad you're upset, but I cannot understand you when you cry. Let me know when you're finished and then I can understand you better." It works every time.

Just my 2 cents!

[lolar2]

There are some kids who need huge amounts of sleep AND are super-duper morning people-- my sister was one-- have you tried putting him to bed at 6 or 6:30 for a few nights and seeing what happens?

[2cutiekitties]

I don't think he is getting enough sleep. It takes 14 hrs of sleep to avoid this kind of behavior in my (just turned) 3 yr old. Unfortunately most days we feel lucky if he gets 12, but then at least I know what to expect.

I would also not give choices if it sets him off. I would say for breakfast we are having ......

Also, for my lovebug he needs food immediately upon waking. If he eats a lot then the whole day goes so much better. But of course he is a crappy eater, so that is rare. Maybe he could eat in his pajamas?

"One thing that works for us, is to say, "I understnad you're upset, but I cannot understand you when you cry. Let me know when you're finished and then I can understand you better." It works every time."
This doesnt work for us at all, only makes him cry harder. This is my Dh's fav approach, even though it doesnt work

[newbymom05]

Maybe it's the age? My almost-5 cries more than he used to and has had a real behavior change into sassiness (for lack of a better word).

[jnpsmommy]

My son is exactly like this. Cries all the time, doesn't do well with change. I am wondering though if maybe there is more to it than that hes just a sensitive kid? Does he seem bothered by loud noises? Does he have any other issues with the 5 senses? Meaning, not like being bumped? Sensitive to light? Picky eater? Just a thought, but whenever I hear of children who seem ultra sensitive it reminds me of my son. At first we thought he was just sensitive too but he also seems to have a lot of sensory issues, which affects how he plays with other kids, and well every aspect of his day. We are having him evaluated and I have been doing a lot of reading and Aspergers syndrome really sounds like what my son may have. Or sensory processing disorder. Just thought I would throw that in there, though I have no idea how the rest of your sons behaviors are.

It can be very frustrating and draining having an emotional child so big hugs to you mama, and hang in there.

[Friendlee]

Oh goodness, i know exactly what you are talking about! I work with children who struggle in this same way. Some of them have snesory integration issues and are very much helped by a brain gym routine first thing or depending on the type of pressure appeals to them, they feel much more organized and grounded once they are wearing something like a weighted vest or a heavy lap bean bag.

I would also try this:
DH: What would you like for breakfast?
DS: I don't know <cries>
DH: Are you worried there won't be anything you like?

DH: Are you worried the clothes we've picked out are the wrong choice now?
DH: Are you worried you don't have the energy to grab your socks right now?

I certainly wouldn't let him get away with not getting his socks, but often there is an underlying anxiety of just going ahead with something or comitting to a decision about what to have for breakfast. It's pretty much impossible for 5 year olds (or most kids any age) to figure that out about themselves and be able to explain it. It just manifests as an annoying behavior. But if it is an anxiety (i.e. worrying) then softly acknowledging his worry and then following up with genuine encouragement (DH: "I know it's tough to decide what to eat for breakfast" and then just leave it at that and throw some healthy snacks in his backpack for when he gets hungry later) can often lead to less pressure around getting him to make decisions or get up and get his socks and he'll be more likely to do it. I hope that makes sense. If I'm totally off target with him, then this probably won't work at all. But, I hope it's helpful.

Lastly, does he take fish oil or cod liver oil? I'd be curious about whether or not he needs some nervous system support. After taking fish oil for a period of time, you might notice a marked imporvement in his fragile state.

*sigh* Hang in there. I truly know how trying this behavior can be.

[RiverSky]

He's only 4 and I think he isn't getting nearly enough sleep for his age. Why does he wake up so early?

I think you are expecting too much for him. If he finds it overwhelming to have that many choices, give him fewer. Never ask him to get his socks and shoes, he's not ready yet for that responsibility. Just get them yourself and put them on him. With less decisions for him to make, then perhaps he'll be better equipped to handle, "would you like an egg and toast or cereal for breakfast?".

What you described reminds me of a child I know who has anxiety. You might consider seeing a children's therapist for a while, and see if that helps.

[Friendlee]

With all due respect, I have to disagree. Coming from someone with a degree in early childhood development and years of experience, asking him to get his socks and shoes is definitely a developmentally appropriate task that has the potential to build confidence. Now telling him to put his socks on and expecting him to tie his shoes or even expecting them to always be on the correct feet? That would be asking too much. But he can certainly go GET them in order to contribute the process of getting ready for the day. I'd say it's probably an important role for him to play in learning self-care.

[mom_2_carson]

Originally Posted by Sydnee

My middle daughter who is almost 7 is also a very emotional child. It has made me crazy! One thing that works for us, is to say, "I understnad you're upset, but I cannot understand you when you cry. Let me know when you're finished and then I can understand you better." It works every time.

Just my 2 cents!

We've tried that one and for whatever reason it seems to make him more upset if we try to identify with his "problem". I have started telling him that I can't help until he stops crying because I can't understand him but it's hit or miss whether that works or not.

Originally Posted by lolar2

There are some kids who need huge amounts of sleep AND are super-duper morning people-- my sister was one-- have you tried putting him to bed at 6 or 6:30 for a few nights and seeing what happens?

I don't see any way possible to get him to bed at 6 or 6:30. We pick him up from after school care @ 4:30, home to cook dinner and eat about 5:15 or 5:30, finish up around 6, play for a little while and start bedtime routine @ 6:30 and in bed at 7. We could shorten the bed time routine a litle but he really needs his play time before bed or things get worse.

Originally Posted by jnpsmommy

My son is exactly like this. Cries all the time, doesn't do well with change. I am wondering though if maybe there is more to it than that hes just a sensitive kid? Does he seem bothered by loud noises? Does he have any other issues with the 5 senses? Meaning, not like being bumped? Sensitive to light? Picky eater? Just a thought, but whenever I hear of children who seem ultra sensitive it reminds me of my son. At first we thought he was just sensitive too but he also seems to have a lot of sensory issues, which affects how he plays with other kids, and well every aspect of his day. We are having him evaluated and I have been doing a lot of reading and Aspergers syndrome really sounds like what my son may have. Or sensory processing disorder. Just thought I would throw that in there, though I have no idea how the rest of your sons behaviors are.

It can be very frustrating and draining having an emotional child so big hugs to you mama, and hang in there.

To a certain extent he is a very sensitive child but is also the toughest kid I know, I think that's what makes this harder to handle. He's not bothered by noises or light, but he does have super super sensitive skin, he breaks out in hives when he's really upset, gets hives on his eye lids and his cheeks when he cries, has some food and environmental allergies.

He does great in school, teacher has never seen any of these behaviors, says he's one of the best listeners and helpers in the class, that he makes good choices as to who he sits by and stays away from. I almost wonder if he behaves so well at school that this is his way of venting and getting everything out.

Originally Posted by Friendlee

Oh goodness, i know exactly what you are talking about! I work with children who struggle in this same way. Some of them have snesory integration issues and are very much helped by a brain gym routine first thing or depending on the type of pressure appeals to them, they feel much more organized and grounded once they are wearing something like a weighted vest or a heavy lap bean bag.

I would also try this:
DH: What would you like for breakfast?
DS: I don't know <cries>
DH: Are you worried there won't be anything you like?

DH: Are you worried the clothes we've picked out are the wrong choice now?
DH: Are you worried you don't have the energy to grab your socks right now?

I certainly wouldn't let him get away with not getting his socks, but often there is an underlying anxiety of just going ahead with something or comitting to a decision about what to have for breakfast. It's pretty much impossible for 5 year olds (or most kids any age) to figure that out about themselves and be able to explain it. It just manifests as an annoying behavior. But if it is an anxiety (i.e. worrying) then softly acknowledging his worry and then following up with genuine encouragement (DH: "I know it's tough to decide what to eat for breakfast" and then just leave it at that and throw some healthy snacks in his backpack for when he gets hungry later) can often lead to less pressure around getting him to make decisions or get up and get his socks and he'll be more likely to do it. I hope that makes sense. If I'm totally off target with him, then this probably won't work at all. But, I hope it's helpful.

Lastly, does he take fish oil or cod liver oil? I'd be curious about whether or not he needs some nervous system support. After taking fish oil for a period of time, you might notice a marked imporvement in his fragile state.

*sigh* Hang in there. I truly know how trying this behavior can be.

We have changed the way we ask him to make decisions, like giving 2 or 3 options instead of an open ended question and have had some success. Maybe we were giving him too many options and he was overwhelmed. Fingers crossed that this change continues to work.

Cod liver oil - we do make smoothies on a regular basis and I add some to those, so he gets it a few times a week. I'll have to look at adding it regularly to his diet to see if it helps.

Originally Posted by RiverSky

He's only 4 and I think he isn't getting nearly enough sleep for his age. Why does he wake up so early?

I think you are expecting too much for him. If he finds it overwhelming to have that many choices, give him fewer. Never ask him to get his socks and shoes, he's not ready yet for that responsibility. Just get them yourself and put them on him. With less decisions for him to make, then perhaps he'll be better equipped to handle, "would you like an egg and toast or cereal for breakfast?".

What you described reminds me of a child I know who has anxiety. You might consider seeing a children's therapist for a while, and see if that helps.

He gets up early because DH and I start work @ 7:15, he starts school @ 7:40 but goes to before school care @ 7 and we have to get DD to daycare before that. Next year school hours change to 9:10 and we're trying to figure out how to adjust our schedule.

He's been getting his socks and shoes and putting them on for over a year, I don't think it's too much responsibility. He doesn't have shoes that he needs to tie, that IMHO would be too much of an expectation, but he's fully capable of getting himself dressed and to me that includes socks and shoes.

Originally Posted by Friendlee

With all due respect, I have to disagree. Coming from someone with a degree in early childhood development and years of experience, asking him to get his socks and shoes is definitely a developmentally appropriate task that has the potential to build confidence. Now telling him to put his socks on and expecting him to tie his shoes or even expecting them to always be on the correct feet? That would be asking too much. But he can certainly go GET them in order to contribute the process of getting ready for the day. I'd say it's probably an important role for him to play in learning self-care.

Thank you. Self-care has always been important for me, as the kids get older we give them new roles and responsibilities, they seem to gain a sense of pride in being able to meet their own needs.


And thank you everyone for your input. Of course things have gotten a little better since I started this thread. There haven't been as many breakdowns this past week and that has been a wonderful thing for everyone. I think we may look into occupational therapy just to see if it would benefit DS, we're changing his diet a little to see if there are any triggers, and we've also started having him nap on Saturday for about an hour or two to give him a little more rest and energy. Hopefully everything continues to get better.

[p1gg1e]

Originally Posted by mom_2_carson

we're changing his diet a little to see if there are any triggers, and we've also started having him nap on Saturday for about an hour or two to give him a little more rest and energy. .

Sounds like a good plan I was thinking the same thing about foods...dairy would be my first thing Id look at.. Id also cut down on the choices.

[Wolfcat]

Originally Posted by Sydnee

My middle daughter who is almost 7 is also a very emotional child. It has made me crazy! One thing that works for us, is to say, "I understnad you're upset, but I cannot understand you when you cry. Let me know when you're finished and then I can understand you better." It works every time.

Just my 2 cents!

DS (3 yo) cries frequently over what I see as petty things. But it all comes down to a couple reasons.
1) frustration - not being "skilled" at the task or not getting what he wants
2) ummm, actually, it's all just frustration

I tell him he needs to stop crying so I can understand what he's saying. If I know why he's upset, I'll say something like "it's sad when we have to leave gramma's" or "sometimes putting shoes on is hard. Should I help you today?" If he's crying cuz he wants frosted flakes and we are out, I tell him we don't have any and he needs to pick something else... if he continues to cry, I do ask him "do you think that crying is going to change X?"

Originally Posted by Friendlee

With all due respect, I have to disagree. Coming from someone with a degree in early childhood development and years of experience, asking him to get his socks and shoes is definitely a developmentally appropriate task that has the potential to build confidence. Now telling him to put his socks on and expecting him to tie his shoes or even expecting them to always be on the correct feet? That would be asking too much. But he can certainly go GET them in order to contribute the process of getting ready for the day. I'd say it's probably an important role for him to play in learning self-care.

DS (almost 4) does put on his own shoes and socks MOST of the time. He gets the correct feet and we use velcro-type closures. He may be a bit ahead on this, but I think it's partly cuz I challenge him to take care of his own dressing/care. It is certainly NOT age-inappropriate, although I don't expect him to be consistent with it.

Originally Posted by mom_2_carson

He gets up early because DH and I start work @ 7:15, he starts school @ 7:40 but goes to before school care @ 7 and we have to get DD to daycare before that. Next year school hours change to 9:10 and we're trying to figure out how to adjust our schedule.

It sucks when our schedules are not necessarily what is best for our kids. But what can we do, right?

I'm glad to hear things are starting to look up.

[One_Girl]

My dd gets like this when there is a lot of change, when she is too hungry to decide something, and when something is bothering her. Is there something going on in the house or at school that he is trying to work through? Does he need a snack immediately after waking up? Is it possible that he views crying as his way of interacting with you or your husband? When things get busy sometimes kids find that they need to resort to doing a behavior that really gets our attention and crying is certainly attention getting, especially when a child who is just coming out of toddlerhood does it.

[averlee]

It sounds like he's on an incredibly tough schedule. He spends close to 10 hours at school and only about 3 waking hours with you every day. I'm not saying day care is the problem, and I realize you may have no alternative, but a 50 hour work week- especially at a preschool- would have me in tears constantly, too.

[MtBikeLover]

Originally Posted by averlee

It sounds like he's on an incredibly tough schedule. He spends close to 10 hours at school and only about 3 waking hours with you every day. I'm not saying day care is the problem, and I realize you may have no alternative, but a 50 hour work week- especially at a preschool- would have me in tears constantly, too.

I was thinking the same thing. Is there any possibility of doing in home care? I live on the border of Wisconsin and Illinois and when i was looking for nannies, there were a few from Milwaukee that sounded good and were very inexpensive.

[mom_2_carson]

Originally Posted by averlee

It sounds like he's on an incredibly tough schedule. He spends close to 10 hours at school and only about 3 waking hours with you every day. I'm not saying day care is the problem, and I realize you may have no alternative, but a 50 hour work week- especially at a preschool- would have me in tears constantly, too.

He only has this schedule 3 days a week. I work part time Tues-Thur, so Monday's and Friday's I take him to school at 7:40 and pick him up at 2:20, not nearly as long of a day. A 10 hour day is incredibly rough, I know how I feel after 10 hours at work, but at the same time he's used to it. I used to work full time, 50+ hour weeks and he was in a daycare center during that time.

I have started to think that next year we may change him from before/after school care at the school to somewhere off site. That might give him a bit of a break from being with the same kids all day long. I'm in contact with his teacher and the before/after school care ladies and they've never said anything about him having problems with any of the kids and neither has he but maybe a change of scenery in his day would do him good. Only concern there would be transportation to/from school and I'm not too excited about that.

I'm also looking at changing my schedule next year so I'd work Mon - Thur 6 hour days and do drop off and pick up, my work is pretty flexible with that. Hubby's not to keen on the idea, he doesn't want to adjust our schedule at all next school year.

I do also believe a lot of these "episodes" are hunger related. They seem to happen more during the school week, about 15-20 minutes before dinner and then again before bed. I always have a snack ready when I pick him up from school and there's also a snack before bed but some days it seems like he never gets full, like he's trying to catch up, does that make sense? He does eat school lunch but doesn't seem like he cares for it too much so I'm considering packing lunches for a while or making smoothies to send with him to help fill him up.

Keep the ideas coming ladies, they've very helpful, I'm starting to pay more attention to schedules, habits, and when these problems occur.

[travlr]

I can totally relate to the weepy child. I have a sensitive newly 6yo DD and we're learning to cope with her emotions. My DD doesn't usually have morning issues though. She'll generally start her day well but as we head towards afternoon and dinnertime things get more unpredictable. My DD is a perfectionist and an introvert and she worries about so many things. I've learned to give her a lot of down time when she gets home from school- an hour of TV, reading, or playing alone. School can be exhausting.

Changing your schedule might really help your son. Having a consistent schedule and quiet time after school every day helps my DD a lot.