First time parents thread

[Monarchgrrl]

Hi! I think there are a few of us in this DDC and I thought it'd be nice to talk together as we go through this for the first time. So...wanna talk?

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most?

Do you have any fears of being a parent?

Are you buying any parenting books?


I think I'm most looking forward in pregnancy to being able to have DW feel the baby kick. She, of course, is trying not to feel left out so I think that will be neat.

I don't have huge fears of being a parent. Maybe just the idea of raising a human being. It's just going to be such a change. We're so used to doing whatever we want, whenever we want. I think DW is a little more scared. She's going to quit working and stay at home which will, in and of itself, be such a huge change! The idea of quitting her career of 13 years is scary for her.

DW is all about the books. We've bought an attachment parenting book (forgot the name) and Dr. Sears Baby Book.

[sunwillshine]

Great idea! I've been feeling a little left out in some ways in this DDC because I think there are a lot of mamas who have already experienced this before and know what to expect.

... actually, I just did a rough count, and there are about 134 mamas on the roster, but only 27 who are expecting #1! So I'm not crazy, only 20% or so of us are doing this for the first time. Lol.

To answer your questions:

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most?
I think I am just really looking forward to watching my body and mental state change before my eyes. I already feel more like a "grown up" than I ever have, but not in an "ugh! I'm getting old" way; rather, in a "I'm already gaining a lot of wisdom and learning how to be calm" way. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

Also, I'm really excited about others' (family, friends) excitement, and the positive energy people seem to exude when they're around me now that they know I'm pregnant. I've noticed that all the good vibes are certainly a great pick-me-up when I'm feeling especially tired or hormonal or "woe is me." Lol.

Do you have any fears of being a parent?
Honestly? Not really. Which is surprising, because I feel like there are some ways in which my parents really didn't make the best decisions and I always figured I'd have to fight not to be doomed to repeat them. But since becoming pregnant I've also become much more go-with-the flow (strange since I'm really very "type A" most of the time) and most of my fears have subsided.

Of course I have some logistic fears about having a newborn, such as: will I get a sleeper or a crier?, will I have trouble breastfeeding? what is it going to be like having to leave my LO after only 6-8 weeks to return to work? will DP's mom really be up to the challenge of providing full-time daycare in the first year? (she's offered, but I remain skeptical).

Are you buying any parenting books?
I haven't bought any books that are specifically focused on parenting, although one comprehensive pregnancy/birth/parenting book I've been reading "From the Hips" covers some stuff near the end. I'm also currently reading "Your Best Birth." I guess I'm waiting to read up as much as I can about birth and to start my Hypnobabies, and then I'll delve into the huge (controversial) world of "learning" to be a good parent. I'm thinking a lot of it will be on-the-job training, but of course I do want to be prepared (especially) for some of the early stuff that I just wouldn't know otherwise without experiencing.

[FtMPapa]

Ooh, count me in.

I'm on a deadline, and my printer just broke, so no time to chat, stuff to do! But I'll check in later/tomorrow.

[macy]

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most?
-Feeling the baby and seeing the baby on ultrasounds - anything that will make this feel more real.
-Reading/talking/singing to the baby once it is old enough to hear.
-Wearing maternity shirts and looking pregnant instead of bloated.
-Getting past this first trimester and be able to eat normally again!
-Telling everyone I know in a few weeks.
-Finding out the sex.
-Buying diapers.

Do you have any fears of being a parent?
I don't have any specific fears about being a parent but I do worry about how taking time off from work will affect my career and where I'll be in 10 or 20 years.

Are you buying any parenting books?
I've been getting parenting books from the library for years and I think I'm all parenting booked-out for the moment. Out of habit I picked up another parenting book from the library a few weeks ago and I didn't even end up opening it. I'll be getting books on labor and delivery from the library next time I'm there because I'm pretty clueless about childbirth.

[Monarchgrrl]

YAY! I'm glad others want to join this thread. I always get so nervous starting new threads. Not sure why.

Lyndzies- Thanks for figuring out the stats in this DDC. Interesting...

I totally get what you mean about gaining wisdom and feeling more "grown up". That's a good way to put it. I feel the same. I feel like all of these physical and emotional changes are changing me into a better person.

I feel like the "pregnancy club" and soon to be, the "baby club" has always been this other group that I've always wanted to be a part of but I never really understood what they were talking about and now I know what it's like, at least the beginning of pregnancy club. I find myself thinking a lot "Oh that's what they were talking about. I get it now." And I know that's just going to happen more and more, pretty much forever now.

I also wonder about what type of baby we'll have. I'm really excited to find out. And I worry about going back to work after 12 weeks.

macy- I'm with you on being excited about maternity clothes and looking pregnant. I really can't wait for that! I know I'll be uncomfortable but I can't wait to be huge! I can't wear my jeans anymore and today (at work) I'm in yoga pants. I'll be buying some maternity jeans this weekend. I'm also really excited to buy cloth diapers. I think I'm just going to buy one in a few different brands/styles and see what I like best and then stock up. I think we're mainly going to do prefolds w/ covers for awhile and there are some CUTE covers out there.


Anyone else have any group questions?

My complaint for the week:
I've been really struggling with hypoglycemia. I've had very serious bouts of this since I was 11. I've passed out so many times I can't count. It's been a few years now since I have, though. I really have to watch how often I eat and try to get something in me about every hour or two. I always have to have emergency OJ in the fridge. I'm SO thankful that (so far) I'm not really nauseated and haven't had much food aversions since becoming pregnant. I'm not sure what would happen if I didn't want to/couldn't eat. Anyway, it's gotten so much worse in pregnancy. My midwife is hypoglycemic too so she understands and said that my body is just using all my glucose like crazy trying to make this baby. It's really annoying and bothersome, though. I have a great eating habit at work but on the weekends I just don't stay as vigilant about it. If I go about 1.5 hours without protein or some food then I get all shaky and feel the beginning stages of almost passing out. Not sure if any of you have felt that before but it SUCKS and then you can't eat and it takes quite a while to feel normal again. It happened again today after my shower. I had to run to get OJ from the kitchen. I should have had some before my shower. Thanks for letting me vent.

[SouthernBette]

Monarchgrrl: This is a great idea! I've noticed, too, that there aren't a lot of first-time parents here.

I think I'm just overwhelmed by the options our generation has for raising our children. We want to practice attachment parenting, too, but beyond that, there are so many things to think about. My good friend--who is also a member here and nearly 20 wks pregnant--just told me about elimination communication today. It is blowing my mind! I just feel so overwhelmed and underprepared.

That being said, DH and I are thrilled. He is a lovely man, and I look forward to raising our baby together. I can't wait to get a nice belly this summer, and I am super excited about having a baby during the holidays this Winter.

[JessieBird]

Thread crashing...may I for just for one post? I just want to scream CONGRATULATIONS to you all. There are no words for how exciting a first pregnancy, birth and parenthood experience are. I'm getting goosebumps and a bit weepy thinking back. I'm the type of suck who wants to go up to every pregnant woman I see and ask if it's her first. Of course I don't, but if I did and they said yes, I'd jump for joy and tell them what amazing mind-blowing life-altering adventures await them. The second time around is special too in its own way but nothing compares to that element of the unknown and discovery that comes with doing something SO HUGE for the very first time.

Great big bear hugs to you all. I'm so happy that you are on this incredible journey.



PS If you're feeling miserable and thinking that it all sucks and what the heck am I going on about (me, the chick who spent 5 days in the hospital for uncontrollable vomiting!) - don't worry, it might not get better any time soon but it's all rosy in hindsight, I promise!

[Monarchgrrl]

SouthernBette- I hear you on all the options. My mind was blown when I first ventured into MDC territory! Even seeing all the toys out there compared to when I was a kid...uh...

JessieBird- Awww, thanks for the love! I'm getting all misty-eyed. I don't think first time parents (especially while pregnant) get to hear enough about how wonderful and life-altering being a parent is. Thanks for saying that! And thank you for thread-crashing! Anytime!

[outlier]

Hello fellow first-timers! Great thread!

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most?
I also want to feel kicks. Can't wait! We've only told close friends and family about the pregnancy so far, and now I'm looking forward to the time when everyone knows and hearing what advice or comments people have for me. It seems from what I've read on MDC that most expectant moms hate the unsolicited advice and comments, but I honestly can't wait. I used to study psychology, and I find this opportunity to interact with strangers when they apparently turn off their normal mouth filters fascinating. At the very least I should end up with some funny stories to tell!

Do you have any fears of being a parent?
No, not really. Dh and I are pretty laid back and will take the challenges as they come. As a rule I don't let myself worry about something unless I have a good reason to.

Are you buying any parenting books?
I haven't decided yet. Next time I'm in a big bookstore I'd like to skim through Dr. Sears' The Baby Book and maybe the No Cry Sleep Solution. I feel like I've learned so much just from these forums that I really have no urge to run out and buy any books yet.

[macy]

Originally Posted by outlier

It seems from what I've read on MDC that most expectant moms hate the unsolicited advice and comments, but I honestly can't wait. I used to study psychology, and I find this opportunity to interact with strangers when they apparently turn off their normal mouth filters fascinating. At the very least I should end up with some funny stories to tell!

I agree!

[kallyn]

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most? Probably getting to feel the baby kick...I think that will be totally wild and paradigm shifting. Like there's actually a PERSON in there and this is actually happening.

Do you have any fears of being a parent? I don't worry about actual parenting, but I do worry about the baby being born with health problems. I know it's silly to worry about but I can't help it.

Are you buying any parenting books? Not yet! I probably will later though.

[sunwillshine]

I have a feeling I'm going to this thread.

I gots a question for ya'll:

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

I am hoping to have a midwife deliver our baby in a hospital birth center, shooting for a waterbirth (the center has a birthing tub), and using Hypnobabies.

We arrived at this decision because I've always had the urge to have the most natural birth possible from a lot of reading and of course my interactions and lurking here at MDC.... however, DP is not comfortable with me giving birth at home for a host of reasons, and there are no freestanding birth centers in our state... and we feel we need to stay in NJ so that our civil union is recognized throughout the process.

Hypnobabies seems in tune w/ the way I'd like to be able to manage pain, and was also recommended (and lent!) to me by an old friend.

It's weird to have most all the women IRL who are close to me and are mothers know nothing beyond the "typical" hospital birth, and kind of see them look at me sideways when I say I'm using a midwife and want a natural waterbirth. That part has been hard. I could use the support of those IRL mamas... not that I don't have it, but they don't exactly support me because of their own experiences, which would be nice. A lot of times I get a sort of snarky "no epi? Haha... well, good luck with that. Let me know when you give in" etc. Kind of frustrating.

So I rely on the lovely ladies here.

[Pineapple Head]

What are you looking forward to in pregnancy the most? I think feeling the baby move will be pretty amazing. Even though Ive seen ultrasound pics it still seems unreal that there could possibly be a real human growing in there! Then playing music to him/her and seeing how my belly moves.

Do you have any fears of being a parent? The only thing I fear is repeating my own mothers many mistakes. But I think acknowleding that fear makes the chances of that happening very slim.

Are you buying any parenting books?Ive taken pretty much every one of them out of the library! I might buy one if I really feel I need to have it.

[macy]

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

I'll give birth in a hospital and I want an epidural because I am a wimp. Oddly enough I think I'll feel more in control of the situation in a typical hospital birth than I would elsewhere.

This thread is getting me more excited. For a while I was just pre-occupied with feeling sick and I was forgetting there is a baby in there. It's fun to hear from other first time "moms".

[Pineapple Head]

I just have to say that I LOVE this thread! I can't believe theres so few of us first timers here! I'm guessing it's because a lot of first time moms just go the traditional route, I know all my friends did. I don't have a single baby wearing, midwife using, natural birthing, attachment parenting mama in my circle! Its nice to have found a group of women who are like minded. I feel like Im this weird hybrid of crunchy hippy and hip city mama so I really don't have a tribe that I click with in real life.

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

I'm going the midwife homebirth route and plan on using Hypnobabies. I'm looking into renting a birth pool but don't know if it would work in our house. I decided that I wanted a homebirth after watching my sister be induced because "she was too short and her baby too big." by an a-hole of an OB who told her to just schedule a Csection because it would be a lot easier, increased her pit every 30 min until she needed an epidural because the pain was so bad and then of course the babys heart rate dropped and they told her she needed a c section or else the baby would die. My neices birth sent me into hyper research mode and that's how I ended up armed to the ears with statistics and medical journal studies and real life accounts, which I know I'm going to end up using because I've already gotten the "You are crazy for not going to the hospital so much can go wrong and what are you going to do for the pain?!!?" from two friends and my MIL. I love my friends and MIL but I am confident in my choices and in my ability to manage pain. I've had a spinal tap so even if I was in a hospital I would not be getting an epidural because there is no way I'm letting another needle come near my spine!

[kallyn]

Originally Posted by Lyndzies

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

What I really wanted was to go to a birthing center staffed by midwives. We used to live in northern Virginia and I had one all picked out and everything. But then we moved to the freakin' middle of Pennsylvania and there's no such thing around here.

I love the idea of a homebirth, but in reality it makes me a little nervous. I've never done this before, I don't know what my body is doing, what its propensities are, etc. Also homebirthing midwives are pretty scarce around here anyway. So I decided not to beat myself up about it and just go with a hospital birth. I'm definitely going to try to do it as naturally as possible though, no medicines, etc. I've only had one doctor's appointment so far but they seem pretty easy going. Didn't bat an eye when I declined getting a pap smear and advised me that I should breastfeed.

[Choaners]

Hello,
first-timer here! i'm most looking forward to showing and feeling the baby move. we had our first prenatal visit with the midwife yesterday and heard the heart beat. i cried. there's a person in there! suddenly, i'm less sick today. i told my husband, i don't know if the nausea makes me feel nervous, or i'm nervous so i feel nauseated. suddenly, hearing that little heart, i'm more calm. reassured. nausea=anxiety. feeling movement will be WONDERFUL!

i'm a doc, a surgeon at that, and i'm going au natural with a midwife in a birthing center. i always thought i'd have a midwife b/c birth is a normal human function, not a disease process; but once i found out i was pregnant i freaked out and scheduled with an ob/gyn. then i calmed, spoke with a friend who is 8 wks ahead of me and she gave me Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. It is a great book and has given me lots of confidence about the process. I recommend it to anyone considering natural childbirth, and even if not, it's an empowering read. No matter what way we choose to deliver I think going into it trusting yourself and your baby to get it done will add so much to the experience.

excited for this thread!

-sara

[outlier]

Originally Posted by Pineapple Head

I can't believe theres so few of us first timers here! I'm guessing it's because a lot of first time moms just go the traditional route, I know all my friends did.

I think you're on to something there. I had never heard of MDC before and consider myself very lucky that it happened to show up in a random Google search one day when I was researching something.

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

After all the reading I've done on MDC, I would not be opposed to the thought of trying a homebirth someday, but my dh is. Since this is our first, I've agreed to go with a midwife in a hospital setting. The nice thing is the midwives at this hospital have their own birthing suites to use (complete with real beds, large bathrooms, and a labor pool), so it's not like I'll be in a typical hospital room surrounded by OBs who keep poking their heads in to see if their services are "needed." They have their own policies they follow, including delayed cord cutting and no episiotomies, yay! If an emergency comes up or I decide I need to have an epidural, everything I would need is right there in the same building.

It's been fun talking about my plans with some of my childless-but-wanting female friends. Several of them have been shocked that these options were even available to pregnant women. One told me she had no idea you would be allowed to refuse ultrasounds. I feel like I'm starting a mini revolution.

[orandalady]

Monarchgrrl- Thanks for starting this thread! Great idea! Glad I am not the only one who feels a little overwhelmed by the amount of information out there!

I did, however, run across something that looks very cool for CD: It's a trial package so you can decide what you like best! http://www.jilliansdrawers.com/

Pineapple Head and Lyndzies- I feel like I am also a "hybrid"! EVERY single one of my girlfriends that has given birth in the last 5 years has had either pitocin or a C-Section and think I am insane for wanting a natural birth.

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

I am using a midwife group with their own birthing center at the hospital, and am leaning towards a water birth.

Do you have any fears of being a parent? I'm a little scared of how our lives will change, especially in the fact that travel won't be as easy, but for the most part I feel pretty calm about it. We're just so excited about the pregnancy the actual parenting part hasn't really crossed our minds yet.

Are you buying any parenting books? I am going to wait until I get through the first trimester and feel more confident in the pregnancy before I start buying anything baby-related. I am trying to be as positive as possible, but I will be much more excited in a few weeks once I can start sharing the news.

[Monarchgrrl]

Have you decided what kind of birth you'd like to have? If so, what kind of birth, and how did you reach that decision, having never gone through the experience before?

We're having a homebirth with midwives. I'm probably going to use Hypnobabies and a birth tub. I knew I wanted a homebirth for about 5 years now. I don't have any IRL friends who have done it except one person who lives across the country. We're not close but I followed her blog about it. Whenever I pictured giving birth it was never in a hospital. I figured I'd do a birth center but then reading about her experience pushed me over the edge. And I researched and dove right into MDC. When DW and I were dating and talking about kids and making sure we both wanted them, I told her that any kids I have will be planned homebirths and if she wasn't ok with that then she had quite a bit of time to get ok with it or she didn't have to be at the birth. It took her some time, but she came around. And then after comparing our midwife appointments with our one OB appt (to get an ultrasound only) she was just shocked at the difference and is 100% fully on board. She loves our midwives and is so happy that I am set on it. Her only concern is that she'll have to do a lot more work than at a hospital, so we're hiring a doula to do all the "hard" parts that she's worried about.