My DC called a girl at school "Stupid Jew" .....WWYD?!?! - Page 3

[umsami]

I don't have teenagers yet... but one thing that occured to me would be having him call up the girl (and her parents) and apologize. Even better would be to make him go to their house and say it in person (because it would be humbling.)

I think you've gotten a lot of good ideas from PPs.

[Smithie]

"There is a huge double standard on what a boy has to "take" and a girl does. So I think this needs to be brought to the attention to the school. She has no right kicking your son."

I think that when a child does something unequivocally wrong and gets called on it, the absolute LAST thing you want to tolerate (let alone advocate!) is whining about "the other kid" who committed some other infraction on the same timeframe and got away with it.

Teach him how to deflect irritating behaviors more acceptably in future? Sure. Take the focus off his own bad judgment and set an example of blame-shifting and buck-passing by going to the school and attempting to get the girl in trouble? Nu-uh. If the OP wants to involve the girl, which I think is a good idea, she should go directly to that set of parents and get to the bottom of all of this, and all parents involved can draw the line that leaves South Park banter waaaaay outside the boundaries of school.

[Tummy]

WOW, so many replies and opinions on this subject.

Thank you to everyone!


The S.P. issue, yes, he has watched it. Perhaps that *is* where it came from. Dude (my son) had a long talk with dad, it was a good talk!

I do not believe that he meant anything insulting by his words. He said he missed 2 periods over this being brought to administration. He was sent from Prin office to the guidance counselor because of how upset HE was over this. He is not a very open child (a cancer) and I have not gotten out of him exactly why he was physically sick over this. He was truly upset though. I know it was NOT because of getting in trouble and Saturday school, not the first Sat school he will have attended! UGH! I am going to get in contact with the school on Monday morning and get an apt with the guidance myself to see what she has to say!

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Smithie

"There is a huge double standard on what a boy has to "take" and a girl does. So I think this needs to be brought to the attention to the school. She has no right kicking your son."

I think that when a child does something unequivocally wrong and gets called on it, the absolute LAST thing you want to tolerate (let alone advocate!) is whining about "the other kid" who committed some other infraction on the same timeframe and got away with it.

Teach him how to deflect irritating behaviors more acceptably in future? Sure. Take the focus off his own bad judgment and set an example of blame-shifting and buck-passing by going to the school and attempting to get the girl in trouble? Nu-uh. If the OP wants to involve the girl, which I think is a good idea, she should go directly to that set of parents and get to the bottom of all of this, and all parents involved can draw the line that leaves South Park banter waaaaay outside the boundaries of school.

Maybe I am coming from being bullied point of view, and why I think it needs to be brought up. Especially when it comes to physical violence.

What if it was her getting in trouble for kicking, and him not calling her a bad name?

Maybe, I come from having the son that got in trouble because the girl wasn't being held just as responsible. -- it came to a head when she got up and kissed him in class, he had to sit out for recess and she didn't. It was some how his fault, even though his butt was in the chair the entire time.

Maybe, it comes from seeing a boy punished for my girls miss deeds. Then not apologize when I was able to try to correct the situation. I saw my child misdeed.

Would I bring up the situation (if it was) in front of my child, NOPE!! But I would ask for fairness.

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by texmati

Also, slightly OT, but is the word 'Jew" in itself considered offensive? I thought it was the same as saying Christian, or Hindu?

Originally Posted by savithny

Actually, no. It is often used as a slur by tossing it out just like it was described in the OP.

Many Jewish people prefer not to use it for that reason. Someone is "Jewish" not "a jew," because there is a long history of using it as an attack, either alone or with other words (like, in the OP, "stupid."). Neonazi groups have a history of using it not as a simple descriptor but as a slur.

I'm trying to think of examples that will illustrate how it has been twisted to the point that it is not really the same as Christian or Hindu or Muslim, and I can only think of some not-quite the same ones.

Neither of these examples capture, really, the gist of it. But the gist is that becuase of history, you cannot say "Jew" is entirely parallel to "Christian" or "Hindu" or "Zoroastrian." It's just not the same.

Well, as a Jew, I have to say that I disagree strongly with the second post I quoted. I see nothing wrong with the word "Jew," in and of itself. That's what I am. "Jewish" is an adjective, not a noun. I don't know any Jews who object to the use of the term, per se, and it is used in all kinds of situations, including in synagogue. I really don't think that my rabbi is using a slur when he tells the story of how the Jews escaped from Egypt or talks about what it means to
be a Jew in contemporary America.

Of course, it CAN be used in as a slur, but the negative connotation isn't simply the "default." In fact, I have to say that I find offensive the idea that the word "Jew" is, in and of itself, offensive.

[savithny]

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

Of course, it CAN be used in as a slur, but the negative connotation isn't simply the "default." In fact, I have to say that I find offensive the idea that the word "Jew" is, in and of itself, offensive.

I'm sorry you found it offensive. I have known many Jews/Jewish people/whatever who did strongly prefer "Jewish" to "A Jew." And I don't know of anyone who would just say, in regard to the OP, that it was *not* a problem that the child tossed out "Stupid Jew" at another child.

The fact remains, that you can't just blithely say, as others above have done, that "Jew" is exactly the same as "Christian" or "Hindu." It just isn't, because there's too much history of people using it as a slur where the others have not been used as such. The OP describes someone using it as a noun and a slur, and this needs to be addressed, not excused because its just like calling someone "A stupid Christian." The two are not the same.

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by savithny

I'm sorry you found it offensive. I have known many Jews/Jewish people/whatever who did strongly prefer "Jewish" to "A Jew." And I don't know of anyone who would just say, in regard to the OP, that it was *not* a problem that the child tossed out "Stupid Jew" at another child..

I was absolutely not suggesting that calling someone a "stupid Jew" was not a slur. If the word was used as suggested in the OP, it was absolutely hate speech. I was merely pointing out that neither I nor, to my knowledge, any of the many, many Jews I'm related to and know consider the word Jew IN AND OF ITSELF to be offensive.

Being a member of the LGBT community, I often use that word "queer," as do many other LGBT people--in a positive and affirming way. That doesn't mean I don't realize that "queer" can be use a slur.