Other Kids Pointing Toy Guns at Your Kids

[ramama]

Am I nuts? This so freakin' annoys me! Actually, it downright angers me! My DDs are NOT playing with these kids, they're "collateral damage," if you will. It scares them and it ticks me off. I just hate hate hate it. Generally, I firmly tell the other kids that they WILL NOT point guns at my children, to which they normally say "but they're not real" (duh!) and I say that I don't care, don't point them at my kids. I mean, they point a gun at my 4yo and she cries in terror, and that's fun for them? Ugh...

So, am I the only one that has a problem with this sort of thing? (please tell me I'm not the only one!)

[Mamabeakley]

It is totally normal and acceptable for you to expect other kids not to point toy guns at your kids if they are not playing the game involving the toy guns.

Are there other parents around? Because if so, I think it would also be appropriate to talk to the other parents about it. My kids do play with toy guns, but I grew up in a very toy-gun-leary home. I am okay with toy guns that don't shoot anything that could actually hurt anyone but I try very hard to help my kids have good manners about it, which includes NOT pointing the toy guns at people who don't like it (or whose parents don't like it). I also talk to playmates parents about it and make sure they are okay with toy gun play before allowing it on a playdate.

That said, yes, getting a reaction out of another kid - and especially a grown-up - IS fun for kids. So the more calmly and groundedly you can express yourself and help your DDs express themselves, the more effective you will be.

[spirit4ever]

your feelings on the whole gun thing are totally justifyable, esp if your girls are not enjoying the game. I would say something as well.

I grew up playing with guns, heck I even had a very real looking toy gun and holster, I do allow my boys to play guns, its very natural for them, esp with each other. BUT they do understand that if at any point other kids are not enjoying it they are to stop and play a new game. I also have friends who do not like the gun thing at all and when we get together my boys know that they are not allowed to play guns out of respect for my friend and her family.

I would also like to add that I don't like it when they point guns to me as well, I have explained to them that I don't like guns, that they hurt people, so they dont' even try anymore.

[NiteNicole]

It kinda gives me the creeps and I don't espescially love it, but it's not something I'm going to make a big deal about with random kids at the park. IF my daughter were to get upset (she wouldn't, she likes to be included at all, in any way, and would giggle. And has), then I would say something or move us to another area. With kids we know, I would remind them about the rules - no pointing at people who don't want to play.

By the time my youngest brother was my daughter's age, we were playing laser tag in the yard and getting each other with super soakers so I suspect my POV is a little more loose on this one.

We have Nerf guns and water guns NOW that we enjoy in the yard and the pool. I draw the line at real looking guns or "killing" games.

[Dukey25]

It only bothers me if it bothers my kids. If they are bothered I just tell the kids not to shoot my kids, they aren't playing. That is also the rule in my house. You need consent to shoot people.

ETA: we don't have actual toy guns but he always finds a substitute.

[One_Girl]

My dd used to be very bothered about this and she had the same reaction. Most kids wouldn't point a toy gun at a person because the parents around here tend to frown upon that, but on the rare occassion when it would happen I gently told the kid not to point the gun at dd because guns kill people and we don't enjoy games with murder in them. I never had a problem with a kid questioning that.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

I would encourage you to talk to the parents of the child(ren) in a friendly, open manner. I'm a mom of a 4 year old who is really into good guy/bad guy play right now. He loves playing "shooters". We have conversations all the time about only playing these games with others who are willing participants, but he just turned 4 and he gets wrapped up in his fantasies and forgets. If you were to approach me and have an open discussion about it, I could remind my DS of our rules. If you yell at my kid (which it kind of sounds like you are doing to these other kids, sorry if I'm wrong) I will have an issue with that.

[ramama]

I probably should have said that these are neighborhood kids that normally are 7yo and older. They're not toddlers or preschoolers outside with their parents. We live in a neighborhood where kids play outside from sun up to sun down with little to no supervision. Sounds crazy, but I actually love it!

I don't want this really to turn into a debate over whether or not kids should play with guns. Admittedly, I am really uneasy around guns of any type, toy or not BUT if there is a group of ten kids running around outside with toy guns for 12 hours a day playing Star Wars, well they're not inside watching TV, you know? If either of my DDs wanted to play with guns, I'd probably let them, but have a very serious talk with them beforehand.

No, I do not yell at kids for pointing guns at my kids! You can be firm without yelling. I don't take it upon myself to tell these kids what they can and cannot play, but I can make a simple request in order to protect my children. Normally this wouldn't be a problem with DD1 who is good at standing up for herself, but last summer a kid shot her in the face, point-blank (twice!) with a nerf gun and left welts on her face, so yeah, she doesn't dig having a gun pointed at her. Or for DD2 when a kid shot her in the face with a squirt gun, and to DD2 getting water on her face is a fate worse than death LOL.

I also think there's a big difference between kids running by and saying "look, a stormtrooper! (or whatever, I'm so out of the loop LOL Stormtroopers are bad guys right?)" and pointing a gun at DD in passing, and a kid pointing a gun at them in order to intimidate and frighten them. I think that 7yo+ kids should know that that's not cool at all.

I played with guns/swords/battleaxes (hey, I'm the He-Man generation LOL) as a child, but my mother was really strict about not pointing them at people. She didn't even allow us to point at people that we were playing with, which I thought was weird. So I didn't know if my aversion to having guns pointed at my kids was a product of how I was raised, or if it was common in gun play not to point guns at people who aren't involved in the game. That's all!

Thanks for the responses! My girls are generally good at standing up for themselves and making requests for kids to stop things they don't like. The general rule of thumb is ask three times and if they don't stop, tell a parent (as long as the "offense" isn't something dangerous). I'll try to work with them on this one, working with their fears, so that in the future they can verbalize whether they want to participate in gun play or not.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Originally Posted by ramama

I also think there's a big difference between kids running by and saying "look, a stormtrooper! (or whatever, I'm so out of the loop LOL Stormtroopers are bad guys right?)" and pointing a gun at DD in passing, and a kid pointing a gun at them in order to intimidate and frighten them. I think that 7yo+ kids should know that that's not cool at all.

I absolutely agree. I would take issue with that as well! And yes, there is a difference between a preschooler doing it and a 7yo+ kid. I would still talk to the parents if it continues to be an issue after you/your DD ask them to stop. I would want to know if my child was doing it, and would hope other parents would as well. It really isn't even about the weapon play to me, it is about the disrespect for others and their feelings. I think that is the real issue.

Also, yeah, stormtroopers are the bad guys. But now there are clone troopers and they are good guys! DS is very specific about which kind of trooper he is playing, it all depends on his mood.