He's getting married to the other woman - update 12 - Page 2

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I'm so sorry.
Here's what I don't understand--how could ANY woman be with a man who is still with someone else AND has kids? If I REALLY had to--I guess I could understand how a girl could date a married guy with NO kids--but WITH kids?
OR PREGNANT????? Is there NO level of guilt or shame that is associated with the behavior of people today???? How does a person sleep at night KNOWING that the pregnant wife is home alone??? That there is a BABY on the way??? Is there NO humanity any more???? Please help me to understand the level of just PURE evil that this takes. On BOTH their parts. Really.

May there be a hurricane worse than Katrina on their "holy" (or should I say HOLEY) day.

[lilyka]

:

The conclusions I have come to, purely speculation of course.

1. She has no self esteem and thinks this is the best she can do.
2. He is lying through his teeth to her and she really wants to believe him.
3. She is willing to believe a lie. A lie like "we are tsill married but the marriage is over"
4. She feels really special because here is this guy who loves her so much that he is willing to choose her over his WIFE and FAMILY and self respect and intergity and dignity. What girl wouldn't be a little flattered by that? I mean, you must really be something if a guy will choose you over his wife right?

[haydn'smommy]

that:
No kidding. You just know that guy's not out there telling everyone about his beautiful, hardworking, wonderful, long suffering wife. He's telling them that she's the c***wh***b*tchfrom h*ll and that she's frigid and he's only there cause he loves his kids soooooooo much.
Sorry...I'm bitter. My dad was a cheater and I suspect cheating with my STBX

[TearyCloud]

I've wondered for years now how she could possibly ever think that it was OK to be with a guy who would do that. I know he told her I was b@tsh!t insane (which, after I found out about her, I kinda was) and he must have told her how hard it was to be with someone like me... but what kind of woman would trust a guy who kicks out a pregnant woman with nowhere to go and just moves in the new girlfriend?

I suppose that if nothing else comes out of this for me, at least I know exactly what to look for if I date a guy with children. The second he says a bad thing about the mom, I'm out of there.

Thank you for the kind words. Ex had ds call me from some big party tonight. I thought I was going to be sick, and I had to just act so normal. Ugh.

[lilyka]

I also wonder about the people who go to those weddings. I mean I know some of the people don't know what happened but what about the ones who do? The ones who stand up and say with their presence "Well this whole affair business worked out well. welcome to the family. I guess we can stop calling you "the mistress" and start calling you daughter" I mean really, are they not just as sick as the cheater and the home wrecker in question. People get away with affairs and live happily ever after because everyone seems so supportive and accepting of it. I don't think my xh has lost any standing with friends or family and it appears his girlfriend (the woman formerly know as "the mistress") is being welcomed with open arms. Well, good grief, why not cheat? Everything seems to be coming up roses. He got rid of the crazy wife, the mistress slid seamlessly into his extended family (hey there is an empty chair at the table now anyway right, no need to skip a beat), none of his friends or family seem to think less of him (he is riding on the wave of non custodial dad superhero status, we talked about this in another thread, about how low the bar is), and he gets to be in public with the mistress now. its win win win win.

meh, I am going to go vomit now. Its what I like to do after thinking about them together. cleanses the palate.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I also wonder about the people who go to those weddings. I mean I know some of the people don't know what happened but what about the ones who do? The ones who stand up and say with their presences "Well this who affair business worked out well. welcome to the family. I guess we can stop calling you "the mistress" and start calling you family" I mean really, are the not just as sick as the cheater and the home wrecker in question. People get away with affairs and live happily ever after because everyone seems so supportive and accepting of it. I don't think my xh has lost any standing with friends or family and it appears his girlfriends (the woman formerly know as "the mistress") is being welcomed with open arms. Well, good grief, why not cheat? Everything seems to be coming up roses. He got rid of the crazy wife, the mistress slid seamlessly into his extended family (hey there is an empty chair at the table now anyway right, no need to skip a beat), none of his friends or family seem to think less of him (he is riding on the wave of non custodial dad superhero status, we talked about this in another thread, about how low the bar is), and he gets to be in public with the mistress now. its win win win win.

meh, I am going to go vomit now. Its what I like to do after thinking about them together. cleanses the palate.

OMG--this is SO true! My x RAN home to his crazy parents and family--that he formerly hated--and they did the same thing. And he seems to have lost NO ONE in the process of literally walking out on his two LITTLE kids and his wife of 20 years! A wife, by the way, who was a good person--didn't spend money, didn't cheat, didn't leave so much as a dirty sock on the floor, or drank too much at parties! I'm by no means perfect--but his biggest complaint (that I've heard so far) is that I'm "mean". When was that? Angry once in a while, yes (and with good reason)--but mean? Really? This from a guy who is looking for a way out and needed to pin something on me. LOL. Insane! Even the kids (who are little, buy my dd is pretty intuitive and savvy) said (when they heard him yell at me and then stomp out of the house one morning over the summer, screaming "you have been so mean!")... both said: Daddy is the mean one, he left us! From the mouths...

You know what I think--they should remake that movie with Glen Close and the butcher knife--and the rabbit in the pot on the stove. Oh, what was that movie--oh yeah, Fatal Attraction. It should be like some type of marital prerequisite for all engaged people to watch--an allegory of sorts (even if it doesn't really happen like that--at least it will scare some of these men to keep in their pants once in a while).
Why do we, as a society and as individuals, play along with this kind of thing (i.e., attending a wedding or party of those who betrayed their families but are now together)?
If that woman were my friend, I'd be nailing a big scarlet "A" on her front door and spitting on her doormat as I walked away.

And I LOVE the remark made earlier about nasty comments about x-wives as a warning sign. That's one for me to take note of for my own future--in case I ever do meet anyone again! Thanks for that serious gem of advice--that's a keeper for certain!

[number572]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I also wonder about the people who go to those weddings. I mean I know some of the people don't know what happened but what about the ones who do? The ones who stand up and say with their presences "Well this who affair business worked out well. welcome to the family. I guess we can stop calling you "the mistress" and start calling you family" I mean really, are the not just as sick as the cheater and the home wrecker in question. People get away with affairs and live happily ever after because everyone seems so supportive and accepting of it. I don't think my xh has lost any standing with friends or family and it appears his girlfriends (the woman formerly know as "the mistress") is being welcomed with open arms. Well, good grief, why not cheat? Everything seems to be coming up roses. He got rid of the crazy wife, the mistress slid seamlessly into his extended family (hey there is an empty chair at the table now anyway right, no need to skip a beat), none of his friends or family seem to think less of him (he is riding on the wave of non custodial dad superhero status, we talked about this in another thread, about how low the bar is), and he gets to be in public with the mistress now. its win win win win.

meh, I am going to go vomit now. Its what I like to do after thinking about them together. cleanses the palate.

Yeah, it's funny.. I'm still friends with my cheating x's sisters and they always have told me that they didn't get a good feeling from my x's affair partner... my/our group of friends tho, That's different b'c none of them came to me to tell me that the affair was happening and seems that most of them even would hang out with *her* when my x and she went to a social situation. I've concluded that most of that group that I called my friends for so many years just simply have no inner courage and were trying to avoid conflict. I may feel differently about that, if my x and the other woman were still going strong, but the fizzled shortly after I found out about them and I guess took the excitement of doing something wrong out of the mix. Who knows. If they were on their way to the alter, maybe I'd consider that my old friends really did like her for some reason, but that would be pretty tough to swallow too... especially if they had referred to her as "his mistress" or whatever.

I'm sorry that this still upsets you so much. He sounds like someone pretty unkind and I hope you find what you deserve, which is someone much more loyal and caring and genuine. And also that you find peace and happiness knowing that you're better off without him around you now. He probably gave you a big gift by letting you go on to find a life without him. I can't seem to word this reply "right" so I'll stop now... I just wanted to say that I understand and I'm sorry that you and other pp's in this thread have been hurt. I was really hurt, now a few years after the fact, I think it was a huge blessing, even if it hurt like nothing else for so long.

[lilyka]

Hey, TearyCloud, how are you doing tonight? I hope you are hanging in there
(((())))

[storyofmylife]

I would not believe this if it didn't happen to me.....

I was indecisive about being with "him"

I broke it off with him.

Then I found out I was pregnant. He told me he was seeing someone else.

At that time I told him we could co-parent, then it hit me I wanted us to be a family.

He never gave me a straight answer, whether he was going to be with me or not, but we were still affectionate with each other.

He told me he was moving but did not say with her. I found out after the fact when I heard her voice in the background....something told me to ask him (he said yes)

.....He never told me (that he was getting married), until 1 week before the wedding which was also 1 week after my birthday.

I was planning my baby shower and he was under the impression that he could invite her. I told him hell f*ing no. He decided that he would not come to the shower.

Something once again told me to make it clear to him that she was not allowed within feet of that hospital when I was giving birth. He said he would respect my wishes.

..... Wouldn't you know it she ended up at the hospital not only that she ended up in my room.

I had to fight so hard to keep from breaking  down. This has been my secret from my family.... I am so embarassed... the father of my child got married to someone  else while I was pregnant!!!! How could I ever reveal this to them.

Its tearing me apart inside.... I still love him soooooo much... I think about him all day everyday.

He tries to include his wife in every way.

I told him this is so hard for me and that I need him to wait until the wounds are not still so fresh.... (he still shows me affection) this is why it is so hard to get over him.

[nikkidrances]

Dear Teary Cloud, Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. I am going through the same thing right now except I am 3 months pregnant and going through this all by myself. I feel like the past 7 months of my life have been a complete lie. I feel like I never knew him at all and that he was never truly mine. He was sleeping with a client (he's a trainer) who is 43 with 2 older children. I am 28 and this is my (and his) first child. He always had a reputation for being a playboy but I truly thought I changed him. What a joke. Today he sent me a text after I confronted this lady by text and he told me to please not threaten her again in any way. (I let her have a piece of my mind, I didn't threaten her) He told me he cared about her deeply and loved her. Even more, she sent me a text message he sent her saying that he wishes this was their child and he wishes and dreamed of calling her his wife. Same exact stuff he told me. On Wednesday I heard the baby's heart beat and now I do not know if I can go on with this pregnancy because I know he will make my life a living hell for as long as the baby is a minor. I am thinking of having an abortion but I feel like this is all too real now because I just heard the sound of the baby's heart for the first time two days ago.... I am so lost and so depressed but it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I wish I could create a single mommy club in my area and help all the single mommy's just like me. We need to be helping each other, giving each other support. I truly wish you the very best. I hope you get everything your heart desires.

[BabyBearsMummy]

TearyCloud

FYI in some areas the new stepparents income will factor in under certain circumstances. Under Canadian law this is called undue hardship and the court system can order higher child support after examining the financials of all adults in both households to reach its child support ruling.

[Trinette Mack]

Hi,

I believe it depends on where you live. I live in Philadelphia and if a man owes child support and can not afford to pay up when he gets married his wife is responsible to pay. Also sometimes the courts will factor in her income because they are married and in the same household. Go to the free library and read up on child support.