Am I a bad mom?

[mommy212]

Because I sure feel like it. I have gotten a LOT of comments lately on the things I am doing, mostly about not taking my baby to a doctor. The only reason i do this is because I am on medicaid, and there are no doctors in my town taking medicaid except for a public health clinic. I do not want to go back to this doctor because the first question he asked me was, "How many ounces does he eat a day?". And then he went on to suggest (read, "order") I supplement with formula so he would eat less often (at his one week checkup). If my baby was ever sick, I would take him back, because even a crappy doctor should be able to tell me if it is serious or not. Anyways, I don't usual go around proclaiming this fact to people, but when they do find out one way or another they act like I am do some horrible thing. My LO is obviously gaining weight, isn't sick, eats great, is developing faster than average... but somehow I need to see a doctor to tell me this? Also I am getting a lot of talk about having him in a carrier, dirty looks for NIPing, lots of people telling me he needs to be in a warmer/colder outfit (he is always dressed just fine...), that I should get his cradle cap "checked on"... GAH! I feel so down right now.

[maryeb]

Oh Mama, take heart. You sound like such a loving mom! I rarely took my first to his ped for well baby visits, even though I loooove the ped, he is the best. My second, I took only for his first visit after his birth. He was a week old and we never went back. For me there wasn't a point. That is different for everyone, but I remember my dad being terrified just because I never took my first to regular check ups. That one always puzzled me but I've learned just not to discuss that kind of stuff, and also to brush off what others say. Easier said than done I know. As for nursing, today a woman looked downright stunned to see me nursing my 19 mo. old! It was kind of funny, but sort of uncomfortable. Just keep going, keep listening to your instincts and be gentle with yourself. And remember you don't need to answer to anyone but your baby and yourself. Mary

[lilmom]

Don't worry! I used to get plenty of flack for not taking my son to the doctor. He is 2 1/2 now so it has died down alot because now people are used to it. He has been to the doctor when he was sick, but mostly, there is just no reason to, and I am not one for "well baby" checkups and all that. He honestly is very healthy and if nothing is wrong there is no reason to do it, IMO.

Also, my brother (no lie) had cradle cap for a long, long time. I think he was 3yrs old and still had it. Now if that is the case, and nothing is helping, you might want to get it checked out! But if you have a very small baby, I really wouldn't worry about comments from others. My suggestion though is (if you can afford it) get some California Baby shampoo and use that. It worked wonders for my DS.

Try not to let others bring you down. If you know your baby is healthy and happy..well.. it's really none of their business anyway.

[butterfly_mommy]

I'm sorry mama that you are feeling down. You don't sound like a bad mom, you sound like a mom who loves her baby and is in check with his needs and is trusting her instinct instead of the "well meaning" yet unsolicited advice.

I would never go back to a dr. who told me to supplement a healthy, thriving nursing baby

You keep doing what is right for your LO and for you. Remember that what other's say and do is more about them then about you. It is coming from their experiences, history, fears, emotions etc. Try not to take it personally, feel confident in your mothering instinct you have thousands of years of mothering knowledge in your instinct.

I find it very helpful to surround myself with like minded people, met at La leche League, AP online communities, babywearing groups, AP meet up groups, etc.

[tzs]

i think we all get the comments no matter how we parent. either they are dressed to warm or to cold, too fancy or not fancy enough, they are either too big or too small, they cry too much...basically there's always going to be something.

if you want to address the cradle cap just rub in some olive oil, wait 10 minutes or so, and brush off with a toothbrush. you might have to repeat. aLOT comes off!

if you are concerned about your doc and at least want to have somebody you can trust to fall back on, can you ask around for recommendations for that clinic? for example, at one of the public health clinics here there is this midwife who is one of the best around. and everybody i know tries to get in with her, even though we have more of a choice of where to go on medicaid. but she's just that good, that most moms i know would forgo a fancy office to see her down in the barrio. just saying, there may be a better doc for you.

[blumooned]

Not much to add, but wanted to offer s

I know it is easier said than done, but just keep listening to yourself & ignore the comments you know are wrong. I wish everyone knew how much their silly comments affected new mothers! People need to mind their own business!!
If the people making comments are strangers, ignore them; if they are your relatives/friends, maybe you can explain your way of doing things. (Or maybe not, I know sometimes it's not worth it!)

You know what's best for your baby!

Btw - I second the olive oil tip for cradle cap - it worked wonders for DS.

[Jessnet]

If you are a bad mom then so am I!

I am in the exact same situation. I am on Medicaid the clinic doctor was awful. She tried to retract his foreskin, told me to offer solid food early (and before breastfeeding so DS wouldn’t “fill up on milk”) and then misdiagnosed his eczema on his thighs as a yeast infection because of his “discharge down there” (even though I tried to explain it was the baby powder I use with his cloth dipes!!! )
I only went to one visit, too. I did eventually find a great pedi in my town that really worked with me on the prices when I explained my situation. Due to finances, we only do sick visits (but they weigh and measure him at these, too) But sick visits are way cheaper than I ever imagined they could be after finding a compassionate office, so it’s worth it to ask! Because I found that when my boy did get sick for the first time, I didn’t trust the clinic enough to take him back when it was something serious.
As a bonus, in my state at least, it also doesn’t seem to matter who writes your prescriptions Medicaid will still cover them, and the local health dept. does his shots for free (we selectively vax).
I will never step foot in that clinic again.
I would consider looking into his cradle cap though. Sometimes I think it can get itchy and my DS had a hard time sleeping some nights because when he was young because he would be scratching. Olive oil and Eucerin cream seems to work well for over the counter solutions.

[Catherine12]

It's no one else's business whether you take your baby in for well-baby visits. I'm sorry you're getting so much flak - sometimes it seems like everyone's a critic. Just have faith in yourself, and don't let them get you down.

All three of my dc had cradle cap until about 18 months. I did the oil thing a few times just because it looked awful. But it didn't seem to bother my dc at all, and it did eventually go away. Our doctor never said a thing about the cradle cap (even though it was very obvious).

[Jayray]

I am also so sorry you're having to hear all that stuff! I think you're doing a great job! My son still has cradle cap and I don't care!

I also know there are some natural-minded mamas in Lynchburg! I can try to connect you with some if you're interested! (I used to live there and still have some friends there!)

[Dr.Worm]

Hug No, you're not a bad mom!! Yes, it's true...no matter what you do someone will find a reason to judge you....you should be home with your baby; you should be working; your baby's too fat/too thin; you name it...i often got the "you're too attached to your baby" thing and it worried me so I would investigate more mainstream-style parenting but it just didn't sound right to me. Cry it out...tried it once and never again....as was suggested, I would read things that made me not afraid to trust my instincts...I would come here and read Mothering magazine; read Dr. Sears; La Leche League books...etc. and now my proof is that I have a wonderfully empathetic self0confident ten-year-old dd!!

[miami mommy]

Actually you sound like a great mom! I worry more about moms who don't question what their dr tells them. I'm lucky that I found a great dr, but I still don't find well baby visits that useful. I go because my insurance covers it 100%, if I had to pay I'd think twice. The visits are so short and mainly consist of things I can do myself, like measuring him and pulling him up by his hands. Mamas know their babies the best. If you feel like he's developing well and he seems healthy, you don't need a dr to tell you what you already know. My dr always tells me that he looks great and to keep doing what I'm doing.

My DS has cradle cap, too. The dr said to massage some olive oil in everyday and periodically rub his head throughout the day to gradually loosen the flakes. He wasn't concerned at all.

I've found that there's just something about having a baby that makes ppl judge you and give unsolicited advice. But for me, it's only the ppl with really troubled kids that give me advice! Advice such as "Don't pick him up every time he cries because then he'll learn that you're going to pick him up when he cries."

[MeepyCat]

They think you should get the cradle cap checked on? Why? What's a doctor gonna say? "Yep. That's cradle cap."

I'm sorry you're getting this kind of stupid flak. If this is the only pediatrician available to you, I'd probably be keeping him on tap just for sick child emergencies too. And it absolutely bites that you don't have better options. I wish you had a pediatrician who was a better source of support for your parenting, which sounds fine to me. You're doing great. Keep it up.

[AFWife]

My son will be a year next month and hasn't been to a doctor since he was 2 months old. We moved and I LOVED the ped we had...and now we're military...and military docs just don't jive with my parenting style. (I've heard stuff from other moms when they do visits and my personal doc visits haven't been that great)

My son is like yours. He's growing fine (there are charts online) and hit all the milestones early (started sitting up at 5 months) so I never worried. Even when he got sick I was careful to monitor his BFing and general demeanor. It was a cold I'd had the week before so I "knew" what the basic symptoms were.

We went to visit ILs around Thanksgiving and FIL said, "What has the doctor said about his weight??" I told him "nothing because we don't go. What's the doctor going to say anyway? Cut back on BFing? He doesn't eat solids yet so it's not that...and I wouldnt' listen anyway so it would be a waste of time."

[mauinokaoi]

You are a great mom!

I also only take my baby to the doctor if he's sick. Seems like common sense to me.

Coconut oil from the grocery store pretty much cured my baby's cradle cap.

Doctors recommend formula for everything and nothing!

It drives me crazy....

When people question your parenting choices it's because they think you are condemning there's.

[jess152]

Don't feel so down on yourself! If your baby has lots of wet and poopy diapers and is gaining well, why the need to measure ounces? I don't get it. Doctors!

My baby is almost four months and hasn't been vaccinated yet. I've gotten nothing but grief from our local health nurse, yet there's this really young mom down the street with a baby younger than mine and she's feeding her infant cereal (not ideal, but whatever) and mashed potatoes (OMG, so wrong!!) and a few weeks ago her FB status indicated her baby did not like cucumbers! That baby is clearly at risk of choking, more of a risk than my baby catching Polio!

[Alisse]

I'm glad that there are different ways of doing things and treating things. I'm also glad that for the great majority of children it is very easy to monitor their health and wellness progression especially in those cases where the parents are so vigilant and proactive. But there are still those things that our guts and intuition can't alert us to because we aren't born with the knowledge to be aware of everything that can happen to a child. Case in point: A friend of mind went to her routine dental check up with her son in tow. At some point during her appointment her dentist noticed something about her child's gums and told her she should get him a check up with a physician and have a blood test done. Turns out he has leukaemia.

So i'm an advocate for having check up appointments, even if it's with a doctor who likes formula because after all, you can just continue to exclusively breastfeed for as long as you feel is appropriate for your child, and at the same time, you can let the doctor inform you on those things that your intuition can't.

[Katie T]

Sounds like you are doing just fine. One thing I learned when I had my first is that every one had a opinion and thought there opinion was the right one. Like I have head at my LLL meeting, take what works for you and leave the rest.