the gut feeling or predicting your child's behaviour

[meemee]

i am curious how you guys feel about this and when did this happen to you - if it did.

i have a 7 year old.

i notice from about 5 onwards i could not fully predict what her reaction would be to a certain thing. for instance - school. i know i made the right decision about afternoon K but the school was not the correct choice. she totally surprised me with what she expected out of school. i totally hadnt seen that coming.

at the same age we had gone camping. and had left our flashlights in teh car. so i had to go back and get it. but dd was way to tired to walk the 15 mins to and back from the car. so my never slept alone, petrified of the dark child chose to stay alone in the dark in the tent while i got my stuff.

when she was younger even at 4 close to 5 i could so easily predict a lot of stuff. but i see the gap widening. part of it is she is getting courageous. willing to try something even though it is scary for her (that is huge as she has anxiiety). plus she is changing too. my extremely good eater is becoming v. v. picky these days.

things she would NEVER do before she is happily doing it. i cant always say she HATES that now, because its just the opposite.

this in a sense has really helped her. because if she is afraid of trying something that i am encouraging her to try i remind her of something out of the ordinary she tried earlier and it wasnt so bad. she then is open to trying.

these days i KNOW what wont work for her is when she is absolutely adamant.

we are increasing her boundaries too. for instance now i dont stand right next to her watching her as she cooks on the stove top. i am still right there cleaning the kitchen as she cooks and i can see she is even more proud that i am not watching the pot boil.

i guess this is part of parenting. evolving parenting. this is how they grow. its probably normal. it is how it should be.

in a sense it is bittersweet because my baby is growing up.

and its a little scary for me these days making decisions for her 'wellbeing' when now i dont really have an idea of what her well being is. she who still cosleeps happily will do a sleepover with friends. wierd.

i think for me the biggest is not knowing her fear level. she used to be so super sensitive about movies and she shocked me at 5 when she sat through a Harry Potter not afraid in a movie theater. one day she couldnt go to an Imax theater because it was too loud and then suddenly it was all ok.

so today i mostly include her in the decision making, however where other things are concerned - like school i am not quite sure if i AM making the right decision.

any thoughts?
is this the same for you.

[neetling]

Yes, my 7 year old daughter seems much more capable and confident lately. She's our oldest. Sometimes it feels like a tightrope walk to let her be "big" and trying not to hold her back, yet keep in mind her realistic limited capabilities and decision making skills.

I can see her mind working out more adult things that she would have a year or so ago.

[Jessy1019]

Both of my kids have always been fairly predictable and also very independent, but I credit that largely to the fact that they've been included in decision-making from the time they could speak. I never felt like I was raising children . . . I am raising future adults, and I treat them as much like that as their ages and abilities allow.

I think keeping her in the loop and talking things out with her when you're not sure yourself is the best way to go. That she's developing confidence and her anxiety is lessening is a really positive thing!!

[One_Girl]

My dd has changed a lot over the last few years also, but she is still very predictable in many ways. A lot of the changes seemed to happen when she started school and we did go through a time when she surprised me by the new things she was willing to do and try that she would have been terrified of a few months before. I get so excited to see her growing, maturing, and letting me know that she is ready for responsibility she didn't want a few years ago. My mother told me that watching your child grow up and become independent is the most rewarding thing you can do in life and I think she was correct.