More 50/50 thoughts

[rosadesal]

While we're on the seemingly popular topic of 50/50 custody - right now, dd does Sun pm through Thurs am with me, I drop her off at her grandparents (ex's parents) before work and then he picks her up Thurs afternoon and keeps her until Sunday. I work Thurs - Sun and am at home with her (except for when I go to school) MTW. He works MTW, Thurs and Fri (his parents watch her those two days because it's his time) and is off Sat and Sun. Following me? I was just reading through the threads here and doing some google searching for the state mandated 50/50 custody that someone mentioned and it got me thinking - for those of you who do 50/50 (we've been doing overnights since dd was 1), do you prefer the block schedule like we have now (4 w/me, 3 w/dad), or week on week off? I grew up going back and forth, weekdays with mom and weekends with dad who was 6 blocks away. I HAAAAAAATED the back and forth, hated packing a duffel bag of stuff for two days, it felt temporary and I never settled in and just wanted MY room, MY house. I hate the passing back and forth, and I worry that dd will feel like her time with each parent is not enough. I miss her terribly when she is gone, but am trying to swallow that stress and think about what is best. I'm not even looking at the childcare situation right now and how that would work, I'm solely considering whether or not 4/3 is better than week on week off. Thoughts? What is your 50/50 setup? FWIW, ex and I were never married and have not yet gone through the courts to arrange anything, though we may soon just for peace of mind.

[dziwozony]

How old is your DD now? From what I've read, when kids are under 3/4yo it's best that that see each parent regularly, as in every few days (this is of course when abuse is not present). Then the week on/week off sort of schedule is suggested for more middle-childhood aged.

Obviously it all varies so much depending on the personality of your child! So there really isn't a set way it should be for all children (& if someone tries to tell you there is, be weary!)

Were you ever given the chance to share what you wanted when you were a child? Is your child old enough to tell you if it's working for them or not? (Or does it seem to be working for her?)

I know right now my DS (3yo) is with me M-TH & then with his dad F-Sun & he's perfectly fine with it. Personally, I know I would have a hard time being away from him for a whole week!! But if we decided he needed to settle in one place for a longer period of time, I guess I'd have to cope. So far he's shown no signs of stress about switching so often.

But generally, if they are under 4yo or so, a week away is pretty long.

[grisandole]

My 7yo ds2 does Sun nite to Friday with me, ex picks him up friday from school or the babysitters and keeps him til about 6pm Sunday. DS2 never packs, he has a room, clothes, etc at each house and as far as I can tell seems to feel settled.

My ex, as mentioned in other threads, wants to do the week on/week off which I don't want. I think it's too long to be without him, especially since his older brother lives with me full-time...it isn't just me he misses, yk? If the court mandates it, I would prefer a 4/3 rather than the eow, but I'm hoping to stick with our current arrangement.