Finding my way back to this board as a single parent.

[christine1977]

I was on this board a year ago when I was pregnant with my little girl. I gave birth on May 11, 2009 to a premature baby girl who was actually due June 30, 2009.

My ex and I ended our relationship in September 2008 and in October, I found out I was pregnant with his baby.

We had tried to work on things, but no go. He's had several relationships since and I have had none.

We had resumed a physical relationship in June of 2009 which only ended a few weeks ago. He still continued relationships with other people from before birth until now but we somehow always came back to the physical with each other.

My baby will be a year old soon and I'm only just now, starting to look at dating. I've met someone on POF (plentyoffish.com) but not yet in person. Problem is, is that I'm still hung up on my ex. He's obviously moved on several times over, but I haven't and it's affecting me now.

I want to be happy, I want to share my daughters life with someone but I don't want to do it while I'm hung up on the ex.

Problems with my ex date back a few years, and can get into this later.

Just needed to find an outlet to talk with people about single parenting/dating/relationships/raising children.

Thanks,

Christine

[Halfasianmomma]

Hi Christine...I'm also a single mama, raising a 20 month old DD, living in Canada too

[Theia]

Hi Christine. Can I just offer that it doesn't sound like you should engage in dating at this time? Your DD is so young, a few months younger than my own DD. Anyway, it just doesn't sound like you are ready to seek out a healthy relationship. I am sure that is what you want. It just doesn't seem like you are emotionally ready for that. I have a history of going from relationship to relationship and not being healthy in that way, so I'm just basing my opinion off of my own experiences. My last relationship was a real bang up job. It convinced me that I need to be alone for a while so I can work on myself. I don't want DD to do the same thing I did going from relationship to relationship. I also see a relationship as a distractor, something that would keep me from being able to give DD the attention she needs. I'm sure it has been a traumatic upheaval for my own DD to experience the transition from a 2 parent household to a single parent. She is just now getting over some anxieties that I believe are related to her father never returning.

Anyway, I offer this gently as a consideration. Of course it is your life and you can do as you wish. I'm not judging, just hoping that my mistakes might be helpful in helping another person avoid that kind of pain.

eta - I'm not saying that single parents shouldn't date, or that it is wrong to redirect energies we would normally give our children into a healthy relationship. I am just urging caution.

[MissLotus]

I agree with Theia. You have every right in the world to date and find someone that you enjoy - I just think that plunging in immediately after a long, confusing relationship would not be positive for you.

I advise taking some real time to yourself - I was always had a boyfriend from a young age, until my divorce - then had a looooooong time to myself, and found that not only do I do really well "alone", I actually like it! Who knew? And it's fantastic knowing that I don't "need" someone to feel complete. I have dated one person since divorce, and it didn't work out - I was very disappointed by this person's behavior, but was not sad to be single again. There just doesn't need to be a rush to date - maybe you feel like that since your ex is actively dating, but he doesn't necessarily sound like a model you want to follow. I think the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself true time and distance away from your ex, develop who you are on your own, and then, if you choose, find somebody. Independence is a great thing.