driving and crying

[Lirazel]

DS does not care much for the car. I always try to make sure he is well fed and changed before we go anywhere. He'll amuse himself for maybe 5-10 minutes but then gets fed up. If DH is with me and the ride will be longer than that I'll sit in the back with DS to amuse and comfort him. But when I have a longer drive to do on my own, there's not much I can do.

At home DS never CIO. But then we get in the car and he gets frustrated and can't even see me (I do talk and sing to him so he can at least hear me) he starts crying until he finally falls asleep. At home that would be letting him CIO, but in the car there's nothing I can do about it. Granted these longer trips on our own are very rare, but I feel terrible about it anyway! I imagine that all the times I do respond vastly outweigh those few that I can't in the car, but it still gets to me.

Any thoughts?

[Bokonon]

Like you said, it's not CIO because there is nothing you can do about it. You're not letting him cry to "teach" him anything, and I assume you are talking to him, singing to him, trying to soothe him through it.

My DD hated the car for a while too. So I limited longer drives when possible, and kept a white noise CD and a lullaby CD in the car, which helped.

[kismetbaby]

I feel ya mama! My LO still hates the car although he tolerates it for longer stretches now without going into full-blown crying. Its hard though, I remember early on he wouldn't last more than 5 min and then we'd BOTH be crying the whole rest of the way. Basically, I just crafted my life so that I didn't (and still don't) have to drive anyplace that is more then 15min away. . .at least not during the week when me or DH can't be in the back with him. But I know that may not be possible for you.
So a few thoughts:
--get a mirror that allows you to see him (doesn't help him, but it helped me to know I could see him and if he reached the red-faced cry I would pull over and nurse/comfort him.
--have a fun toy that is only for the car. This has been great for us, he has one toy that he loves but I only give it to him in the car, so its like a whole new, exciting thing each time and he'll be busy with it for 10 min. (This will get more useful as your babe gets a little older too.)
--Sing, loudly. Really, I always sang or talked to him very loudly in the car and it seemed to help.

[Path2Felicity]

I WISH I had words of wisdom for you but I don't. We are in the EXACT same situation. DD hates... HATES the car right now. I try to avoid leaving the house, but that's not exactly practical. She can also tolerate it for a few minutes, and if she feels like it, sometimes she'll even fall asleep. But, man, when she doesn't want to sleep, she starts crying and screaming. Most of the time, I can't really pull over anywhere either. And even if I do, and I pick her up, as soon as I start the car, she starts screaming again. Strangely enough, sometimes if I sing Bob Dylan's Blowin in the Wind, she stops screaming.

I tell my husband that if this isn't CIO, I don't know what is. And I feel awful. So, I'm right here with you.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful...

[marinak1977]

DS is just starting to do this - especially in the dark. I sing and talk to him (singing sometimes works) and sometimes turning the radio up loudly also calms him. But it is often nervewracking to drive with him.

[kismetbaby]

sorry, duplicate post

[Lirazel]

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I do know that I'm not actually practicing CIO, but what bothers me is that *he* doesn't know it. He doesn't know that I'm not picking him up because I am unable to rather than that I'm just ignoring him.

I do have a mirror that lets me see him and it is indeed some comfort for me. And I do talk and sing very loudly to get over the road noise. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

He's only just barely learning to grab things so toys aren't really an option right now, but I'll keep it in mind as he gets older.

Thanks for all the thoughts and encouragement! Keep the ideas coming if anyone has more!

[miami mommy]

I had the same problem, it's absolute torture! I think my DS hated the seat (Graco Snugride), was getting motion sick and was also frustrated at being understimulated since he's in a phase of needing tons of stimulation. So I gave away the Snugride and bought a convertible carseat (Britax Marathon). The new car seat is more comfortable for him and it also gets him up higher so he can see out the window. While I can't say it's perfect, it's definitely an improvement. I took him to the dr the other day, which is a 25 min drive each way, and he was so much better. A lot of the time he was staring out the window and totally quiet. I think it also helped that I opened a couple windows part of the way to keep fresh air circulating.

[maptome]

Try going out right after naps. If he's falling asleep, maybe he's tired which is contributing to the crankiness. That being said, my 8 month DD will cry all the way home and stop once we get into the garage. By the time I get back there to get her, all smiles.

[mambera]

I keep a bag of toys in the front seat and pass them to DD one by one as she gets cranky. 3 mo may be on the early side for this tactic though.

[belltree]

Our little guy does the same since he is about 2.5months on most car rides are just horrible. We have tried everything, there is no guarantee things work, but it seems to help when I drive and dh sits with him in the back (we all have the same commute:45 min one way each day). If I am in the back with him, he will scream, cry, turn red, exhaust himself and there is nothing I can do to stop it, except stop the car, take him out of his seat. It also seems to help, when he falls asleep in the carseat.

Some days are better, some days are worse.

I hope he will grow out of it at some point, as I find his crying very stressfull, it does something to me and puts me on high alert.

[ElliesMomma]

my son hates the car too. always has. since he was days old. unfortunately, i have a very active almost 4 year old so staying home is not an option. i will add that she, too, used to cry her head off in the same car set. now she couldn't be happier to ride in the car! interestingly, we also have a graco snugride for the baby. we upgraded DD to a Britax when she was 1+. one of the comments above makes me wonder if we should go ahead and get DS the Britax sooner than later. might help a lot for him to be able to look around. although he has DD back there with him, and he still cries. (she does her best to tune it out, but says the crying really bothers her too.)

[gkb2215]

My daughter has always been a really unpleasant car passenger. Just awful. Toddlerhood has been an improvement, mainly because we let her tyrannically control the music we listen to, and she can flip through her books in the car.

Your little one is still really young, so books, music, etc. probably aren't going to make a huge difference yet. It will get better, though. In the meantime, try to soothe yourself and him by singing along with whatever music you like...it may help him fall asleep sooner.

[Truckerdoo]

I turn up the radio and put on an AM static station - it is perfect white noise and captures his attn and usualyy puts him out!

[summerforever1977]

Originally Posted by Truckerdoo

I turn up the radio and put on an AM static station - it is perfect white noise and captures his attn and usualyy puts him out!

This is exactly what I was about to post. It can drive a mama a little batty but I prefer the static turned up to hearing a baby cry.