Frustrated with the demand to nurse my 19 month old every hour ... HELP!

[JanineRivera]

We just recently night weaned my 19 month old because I was just at the end of my rope being steamed rolled all night long and not sleeping for more than an hour at a time. She actually took to night weaning rather well and has been sleeping for 8 hours straight before waking up.

The down side, I have discovered, is the increase in daytime nursing. I use to love to nurse my dd whenever and wherever she wanted but I have to say that lately I am beginning to resent it. And when I try to distract her or ask her to wait a minute before nursing she throws quite a fit; she gets herself so worked up that I feel that there is no other choice but to nurse her AGAIN even though I just did less than an hour ago.

I feel guilty for feeling so resentful and I don't know why all of a sudden I hate nursing so much. Any ideas or words of wisdom?

I am not completely ready to wean; I wanted to make it to at least 2 years, but not sure how I am going to do it. I thought at one point that I would be all for BLW and feel sad that I no longer think I can hang that long. Although, the idea of weaning is not that attractive either because of my recent experience with what my dd does when I do try to ask her to wait a little longer between nursing sessions.

How do I slowly and gently wean?????

Thanks you so much Mamas,
Janine

[doubledutch]

i wonder if it would work to find a way to make it sound like you are saying yes, when you are saying wait - because right now "wait" may be coming across as "no". so when she asks to nurse, how would she respond if you say, "yes! we will nurse right after lunch and it will be so nice." and then redirect by engaging her in what you're doing, like, "would you like to help mama by bringing the forks to the table?"

is she asking to nurse all the time, including when you are out/busy? at this age, mothers often find that if they ever sit down, their toddlers are all over them, demanding to nurse, but if they stay busy, it's easier to get through longer stretches.

[calendula]

Janine,
I have a 19mth old also and I am going through the same thing. Although she has been night weaned for a good while, the day time nursing seems to be really increasing lately. The past few days it's certainly every hour. I do try to put her off by offering solids, sippy etc. but most of the time she throws a fit. The fit is so bad, it's easier just to nurse but then it's a catch-22.

I just wonder if there's a growth spurt right now? Does anyone know?

I do find on days that we're out a lot or she's been with another caregiver we can go much longer without nursing. But boy does she make up for it the next day!

I also plan to wean by or around age 2 but often think we won't make it!

Anyway, you're not alone.

[kiwiva]

I know that can be so frustrating! Those feelings can be normal with a demanding nurser. My DD nursed like that at that age before she suddenly had a big language explosion and then the nursing backed way off. So she really could be gearing up for a growth spurt or cognitive leap.

It is normal for her to want to nurse more during the day since she is no longer doing so at night, I think. Also if you are feeling frustrated by it, she will pick up on it and try that much harder (been there).

I agree with the pp who suggested using a "yes" to put her off. Another suggestion is to try to change your routine so she is too busy to ask. I know my DD was always much more apt to ask if we were hanging out a lot.

The best way to slowly and gently wean is to drop one nursing at a time. You will need to substitute other bonding activities for the nursing so she gets her attachment needs met. Since sitting around reading books or whatever may not work bc she will ask to nurse, perhaps put her in a sling and take some walks, she'll be close but not necessarily programmed to nurse like that.

Sometimes when you are trying to lessen the nursing, it can make them that much more demanding about nursing so if you can try to let her have at it for a little while, she may be more amenable to limits in a week or 2. If you try to tell yourself it won't last forever and you can stick it out on her terms for a week or 2, it may make it easier for you to get there and then be able to start limiting.

[JanineRivera]

Just wanted to say thanks Ladies.

Doubledutch - I think you are right about her hearing a "no" and how trying to rephrase may be helpful. I do think that staying busy would help also ... thanks.

Calendula - Thank you for letting me know I am not alone on this sometimes rocky journey. I wonder if it could be a growth spurt or a new skill thing?? Hmmm ... something to think about.

Kiwiva - I totally agree that my feelings of frustration are causing my dd to want me more!! I have made a conscious effort to try to think about this in a new light and say yes as often as possible and I have seen an ever so slight change in her willingness to go longer between sessions without asking.

Thanks again,
Janine

[NJKim]

I posted on your more recent thread about my recent nightweaning... my 22 month old has done the same thing, once we nightweaned, he's been nursing so much more during the day. It's a big transition for them so I think it's just a phase, but as others have said, it could also be other things going on too.

Try to change up your routine, at least with the weather getting nicer and being able to get outside more, it might be enough of a distraction. I find that when we're home all day, he'll nurse all the time but if we go out, he doesn't think about it, especially if I'm proactive with snacks and water before he has to ask for milk!

Hang in there, life with a toddler can be exhausting and frustrating at times but it's such a short time period, I promise you'll look back on these days in a few years and miss the constant nursing

[TiredX2]

This won't help *now* but hopefully it will give you a little hope.

For most children it seems like there is a REALLY heavy nursing window sometime in the 2nd half of their 2nd year. So many people come on saying "my 19 month old nursing round the clock" "my 18 month old nurses hourly" or "my 20 month old nurses like a newborn"--- yeah, if you have a 25 lb newborn who considers you a piece of gymnastics equipment!

My theory is that there is a HUGE intellectual growth spurt right around two for many kids. They start really talking. They start getting more independent. They turn their focus outside of themselves for awhile. To get ready for that they literally need to "tank" up their resources. For nursing toddlers those resources cycle around nursing!

BUT, on the other side--- in 4-6 months there are lots of posts, "23 month old suddenly sleeping through the night!" "is my 24 month old weaning?" "25 month no longer so interested in nursing--- is this a problem?"

Basically just another stage.