Ah Mama, I think many of us have been there.
My DH has worked here at home from day one. In the early months, as it is with most babies, it was ALWAYS me. DS started to accept/prefer DH more often when he was around 9 months to a year. I absolutely remember feeling jealous from time to time. For me, those feelings were more about me, and not so much about DS as the jealously was especially acute if DS and I had had a rough day--fussy, or perhaps I was feeling distracted and not as tuned in, save for nursing and the essentials--and DH walking into the room changed DS's mood for the better. I remember feeling frustrated as it was was usually after having had a very long, overwhelming day of motherhood. I don't mind admitting that I felt a fair amount of indignation that DH could just breeze in and change the weather.
Ah, but at the end of the day, having DS accept DH as a full-fledged parent was a HUGE blessing for us all. I finally got
guilt free moments (we began a DS&DH evening play time as DS was
finally in a good space to do so). It wasn't until I started this routine that I realized how much I desperately needed this time! It was daily time I could count on [without tears] and was an important opportunity to nurture myself. And well, when I feel good about myself, I'm much less apt to fall prey to negative feelings such as, jealously. Perhaps just as important than getting a moment for me however, was that in taking that time, I left room for DH (after many months of "Mama Mama Mama" and feeling as though he wasn't a substantial part of DS's life) to begin building a strong bond with DS. This was good for us both, even more so for DS, but I admit, it was difficult for me to give up control. I had become quite "the coach" much to DH's consternation, and I see now just how important it was for DH to succeed and fail with DS on his own terms, in his own way, but it wasn't easy! Well, enough about me and my issues... I should add however, that I in no way, assume that this is your situation, Mama.
It's common for kids to have a "favored parent" at any given time, and for kids with both parents at home, it's not hard to imagine that this dynamic would be a fluid thing, lots of back and forth. DH and I theorized that the favored parent was usually the one who was less stressed/more cheerful, and for us, this tended to flip-flop heavily in those early years--if one of us was "off" the other was usually "on." The off parent usually the one who had been doing much of the parenting for a period of time, and starting to burn out... stands to reason.
Sometimes it helps to remember that your DH and you
each share a very special
and unique relationship with your DD. There will be those things he handles brilliantly, and then those things when only MAMA will do. And at your DD's age, you likely still have a VERY strong edge there, and for many years to come.
Funnily enough, just about the time I'd be getting used to my new found freedom, DS would dip into an emotional growth spurt and "Mama Mama Mama" was back to being the order of the day. Sometimes it was just as difficult to get back to that mindset as it was to leave it.
Best to you, mama. And hang in there. Enjoy some time to yourself at DH's glorious expense (gain!) and remember, your DD has only ONE Mama!
The best,
Em
