As for how to make an interfaith relationship (or in our case, one with one religious partner and one non-religious/agnostic/atheist partner) work, so far, the key has been respect. And sometimes acting with respect I think there are probably times when we don't really feel incredibly respectful of the other's beleifs, and cannot understand how the other person could possibly think that. However, by acting with respect for their beleifs in those moments, we get through them, and come back to true respect for their beleifs.
I think the hardest parts of being in an interfaith or mixed faith relationship are home observances (which are more important or prevelant in some religions than others), how to raise the kids, and wishing you had a partner to participate in/discuss your religion.
For us, we have respectful, frequentish discussions about how we will raise our kids in terms of religion. It's really like discussing any other aspect you agree upon though. What we have discussed is that we will have a jewish home, our children will be educated with regards to judaism, and will be raised jewish. However, they will not be forced to be jewish. We will also teach them about and how/why my DP does not beleif in G-d/religion. When they are old enough, if they do not want to be jewish, they don't have to be, though they will still be expected to participate in home observances, because it is "family time". (Basically, if the 6 year old says she doesn't want to go to shul, because it's too early in the morning, then she goes with me anyways. If the 12 year old says, "You know mom and dad, I've been thinking about it, and I really don't beleive in G-d. Judaism doesn't speak to me." then we'll listen, and respect that.
We do share home observances, and actually, DP rather enjoys them with me. they have become special family traditions for us. Because I know that while he loves lighting candles and having a nice dinner on shabbat, but I also want to respect his beleifs, we do less hebrew prayers at home for shabbat (some of them can go on for oh... 8 minutes+
) than I might like, which is a compromise I make to respect him. I say private prayers, I say the long prayers at shul or friends houses, and I sing prayers and songs in hebrew throughout the evening.
There are times when I wish he came to services with me, however I've developed a group of friends there, and it's fun to go, pray, and then hang out with my friends for a while. Afterwards, we usually go and do something just the two of us for the afternoon (when we have kids this will become doing something as a family). He occasionally comes to services with me. For instance, there are a few services that go til very late at night (there are a few that go to midnight-beyond), and our shul isn't in the greatest neighboorhood at night, so he goes so I can safely go. Or if we are going to lunch with someone directly after, he'll come with me so we can go together after. I'd say he has come about 6 times this year. It's important that I never pressure him to come to services with me, or really any religious observance. That's my part in respecting his choices. I will ask him to come with my to a special service, or if it's late and I want to go. He knows he is welcome to say no. If I want to begin a home observance that affects him, I'll tell him that it is something I'm interested in, and ask if he is ok with us giving it a try. Often the answer is yes, and then sometimes we find it fulfills us, sometimes not. Sometimes we're lukewarm on it, and do it sometimes.
yes, I very much wish sometimes that I could engage in deep discussions of torah with my partner. You know what? I value the deep discussions we have on other stuff more, and I can find other people to discuss torah for.
We have some crazy weird boundaries that work for us. For instance, my DP LOVES pork. As he says, if he made a religion, it would require eating pork at every meal. I don't eat pork because of my religion. So DP occasionally will buy a sausage or something, cook it on foil in the toaster oven, and eat it with his hands (or he could use disposable silverware, or even special silverware just for pork, though we don't have any.) If we go out to eat, or eat at someone's house, he will partake of pork, shellfish, etc. It's a little challenging and it works for us. Finding spaces that work for both of you is important.
It's not easy to have a full spiritual life in a very different path than your partner/spouse as well as a good relationship. It is possible.
Re the baby. I don't know how long your meetings are, or how far from your home they are. If they are short, or nearby, could your husband take the baby, and the baby would be ok without you for a little while, or could come a few times throughout the meeting with the babe for you to nurse?
I'd say talk to your partner about what you want your religion to look like for you. Are there specific things you would like him to do? Can you both compromise on those in a way that works for you? How does he feel about you taking the children to services.
. It's possible like good communication.
(and in a joking but totally true to the heart of matter conclusion to this too long post: I heard a story about a gay couple who was long time friends of an interfaith bride and groom. their toast was about how they thought such a mixed relationship could never work, and this couple has proved them wrong. a man and a woman can have a relationship. (gender being the "mixed" factor) the point being, there are so many differences between everyone, if you talk and communicate about the differences between you, religious or otherwise, you'll do ok.)
sorry it's so long. hth.
