My 16yoDS was dx'd w/childhood onset schizophrenia when he was 7. He has other diagnoses but as he's approaching adulthood this seems to be the most predominant. Now that he's 16 his dx is Paranoid Schizophrenia, and he has positive symptoms 24/7 even with medication, although the medication does help tremendously. About 2 years ago he set the house on fire and we learned he'd been torturing animals. He was placed out to a treatment facility for about a year, and came home about a year ago. Since he came home he's been doing amazingly well. He's in Advanced Placement classes at school, has a girlfriend, hangs out with friends, straight A student, the works. Everyone who meets him adores him. He has constant positive symptoms (ex: 100's of A/V hallucinations 24/7) but is surprisingly functional the large majority of the time.
Until Monday.
He'd been getting more and more obnoxious and a bit belligerent for several weeks, but nothing out of the realm of 'normal' teen attitude. When he got home from school I asked him to do his chore (dishes) before he hung out with his friends, since he had not done it all weekend (this is our agreement). He started doing his chore. and got more and more angry. He began saying horrid things to me, which he NEVER does. Even when he's annoyed w/me he's respectful 99% of the time, and NEVER like this. He called me a 'fat f*cking b*tch', 'stupid f*cking fat*ss', telling me I'd better watch out or I'm 'gonna get knocked upside the head' etc. I went to my bedroom to give him space to cool off. A few minutes later he walked in my room (unheard of, btw) and locked my door (from the inside), then superglued the lock and pulled the door close (from the outside), holding it shut.
I finally convinced him to let me out (he's 6'2" and 200 pounds, MUCH stronger than me) and calmly told him I wanted to help him calm down so we didn't have to involve the police (which has had to happen before). He immediately tells me I'd better not try to call the 'f*cking cops' and storms into the living room, ripping pictures off the walls and destroying them. I went over towards the phone and he saw me, came over and ripped the phones out of the wall and the computers, screaming at me that I'd better not call the cops if I know what's good for me. He blocked every exit I walked towards. I got to my cell phone without him realizing it and called 911. As soon as he realized I was on the phone he came running at me, trying to rip the phone away from me and screaming at me "you f*cking b*tch! You're gonna feel my pain you f*cking b*tch, I'm gonna f*cking kill you!"
And he started punching me. In the face, the arms. I didn't want to fall because I'm 6 months pregnant and I was terrified the baby would get hurt. He punched my glasses off my face. When he stopped I told him I had hung up on 911 (I hadn't, they heard the whole thing, I just hoped they wouldn't talk to me) and he quit punching me. I asked for my glasses (I'm legally blind, can't see ANYTHING without them) and he grabbed them and snarled at me "you wont need these when I'm done with you" and headed into the kitchen.
While he was distracted I ran out of the house. When the police got their he'd barricaded himself in the house and was threatening the police. They called in their supervising sergeant and an ambulance and told me their was a possibility they'd have to use a tazer since he was threatening to kill the police and possibly had a weapon. It was terrifying.
They spent almost an hour talking their way into the house. Two officers broke into my upstairs window to come around behind him.
He is charged with assault, false imprisonment, and interfering with public services. He told the police when he 'gets out' he has every intention of 'finishing what he started' with me. He was transported to the psych hospital and is being held in ICU.
The doctor wants him placed long term higher level of psych care with security, but there is a huge possibility that the insurance company won't approve it. Huge. If that happens they will call me to take him home.
I can't.
I just can't.
I haven't slept all week. I can't eat. I have headaches, not just from the knots on my head from getting punched. I cry constantly, for hours at night. When I sleep in brief bursts I have nightmares. I can't be still without the entire thing replaying in my head over and over again. I'm having anxiety attacks. I'm so angry. I'm so sad. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. His dad beat the crap out of me when he was little, and I've spent years healing from that abuse. To have my son do the same opens up wounds so deep I can't even begin to tell you.
He came home to me when he was 2, almost 3. I'm the only person in his life who has EVER been there for him. He's a great kid, when he's not insane, and I love him so much. Everyone in his life, his bio mom, his dad, his sister, have all walked out on him. He's so smart, he's not an 'out of control teen', he's so responsible. I've never EVER had reason to think he'd hurt any of us, but especially me. Every therapist he's ever worked with has been amazed that he and I have such a strong bond, and he's spent the last year moving solidly in the direction of independence and self management, with my total encouragement.
And he's severely and permanently mentally ill. And my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.
I can't bring him home. And my only other option is to turn him over to the state.
I was a state ward from age 12 onward. I know what the system is like.
I don't want to have to do this. But I have to protect myself and my kids. And I have to let go of him to do it.
I hurt so much. So very very much.
Until Monday.
He'd been getting more and more obnoxious and a bit belligerent for several weeks, but nothing out of the realm of 'normal' teen attitude. When he got home from school I asked him to do his chore (dishes) before he hung out with his friends, since he had not done it all weekend (this is our agreement). He started doing his chore. and got more and more angry. He began saying horrid things to me, which he NEVER does. Even when he's annoyed w/me he's respectful 99% of the time, and NEVER like this. He called me a 'fat f*cking b*tch', 'stupid f*cking fat*ss', telling me I'd better watch out or I'm 'gonna get knocked upside the head' etc. I went to my bedroom to give him space to cool off. A few minutes later he walked in my room (unheard of, btw) and locked my door (from the inside), then superglued the lock and pulled the door close (from the outside), holding it shut.
I finally convinced him to let me out (he's 6'2" and 200 pounds, MUCH stronger than me) and calmly told him I wanted to help him calm down so we didn't have to involve the police (which has had to happen before). He immediately tells me I'd better not try to call the 'f*cking cops' and storms into the living room, ripping pictures off the walls and destroying them. I went over towards the phone and he saw me, came over and ripped the phones out of the wall and the computers, screaming at me that I'd better not call the cops if I know what's good for me. He blocked every exit I walked towards. I got to my cell phone without him realizing it and called 911. As soon as he realized I was on the phone he came running at me, trying to rip the phone away from me and screaming at me "you f*cking b*tch! You're gonna feel my pain you f*cking b*tch, I'm gonna f*cking kill you!"
And he started punching me. In the face, the arms. I didn't want to fall because I'm 6 months pregnant and I was terrified the baby would get hurt. He punched my glasses off my face. When he stopped I told him I had hung up on 911 (I hadn't, they heard the whole thing, I just hoped they wouldn't talk to me) and he quit punching me. I asked for my glasses (I'm legally blind, can't see ANYTHING without them) and he grabbed them and snarled at me "you wont need these when I'm done with you" and headed into the kitchen.
While he was distracted I ran out of the house. When the police got their he'd barricaded himself in the house and was threatening the police. They called in their supervising sergeant and an ambulance and told me their was a possibility they'd have to use a tazer since he was threatening to kill the police and possibly had a weapon. It was terrifying.
They spent almost an hour talking their way into the house. Two officers broke into my upstairs window to come around behind him.
He is charged with assault, false imprisonment, and interfering with public services. He told the police when he 'gets out' he has every intention of 'finishing what he started' with me. He was transported to the psych hospital and is being held in ICU.
The doctor wants him placed long term higher level of psych care with security, but there is a huge possibility that the insurance company won't approve it. Huge. If that happens they will call me to take him home.
I can't.
I just can't.
I haven't slept all week. I can't eat. I have headaches, not just from the knots on my head from getting punched. I cry constantly, for hours at night. When I sleep in brief bursts I have nightmares. I can't be still without the entire thing replaying in my head over and over again. I'm having anxiety attacks. I'm so angry. I'm so sad. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. His dad beat the crap out of me when he was little, and I've spent years healing from that abuse. To have my son do the same opens up wounds so deep I can't even begin to tell you.
He came home to me when he was 2, almost 3. I'm the only person in his life who has EVER been there for him. He's a great kid, when he's not insane, and I love him so much. Everyone in his life, his bio mom, his dad, his sister, have all walked out on him. He's so smart, he's not an 'out of control teen', he's so responsible. I've never EVER had reason to think he'd hurt any of us, but especially me. Every therapist he's ever worked with has been amazed that he and I have such a strong bond, and he's spent the last year moving solidly in the direction of independence and self management, with my total encouragement.
And he's severely and permanently mentally ill. And my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.
I can't bring him home. And my only other option is to turn him over to the state.
I was a state ward from age 12 onward. I know what the system is like.
I don't want to have to do this. But I have to protect myself and my kids. And I have to let go of him to do it.
I hurt so much. So very very much.
How horrible! I am so sorry you are living this. Please do take good care of yourself. You definitely should not let him come home. I am so sorry for him, too, but you are doing all you can for him. I am so sorry!!!
I wish I could help with any advice. You have it so tough... I hope he can find help. 
