fostering and pregnancy

[veganjoy]

My partner and I have always planned to adopt, and have one [biological] child. We started the foster certification process last year, and all our training and paperwork is finished. The only part left is the homestudy, which will probably happen sometime next month.

I just found out I'm pregnant, and I wonder how this will be viewed by our homestudy social worker and DHS. Our county doesn't have any rules about pregnancy or other children--and I'm sure pregnant moms have successfully fostered--but I'm not sure how this looks from their perspective. We're requesting children younger than my daughter (2 1/2) and hope for the chance to adopt (legal risk), so I expect the wait will be fairly long and we won't have an instantly huge family.

I would love to hear your experiences with this, from any side of the process.

[bluebunny]

I don't know from personal experience with fostering but I work in the family court arena and in my county there is such a need for foster parents that I can't imagine that pregnancy would be an issue.

[marsupial-mom]

In my county, the rule is that foster parents can only have one infant (child under 12 months) at a time unless they're twins/triplets. It applies to any infant in your care - bio, foster, adoptive. So, if you had a baby in my county, you could only foster toddlers and older until your baby's first birthday.

[veganjoy]

Thanks bluebunny, I hope that is the case in my county too.

I think I kind of feel like a jerk walking into foster parent support groups with a big pregnant belly, and another child at home, and hoping to adopt. A lot of the other prospective foster parents I've met are struggling with infertility or can't adopt internationally/domestically, so maybe part of the concern is my own guilt.

marsupial-mom, thanks, I will look into that. I know my county looks for families who will take multiple children (it asks how many under age 2 we would be willing to foster), but there could still be an age restriction with very young children.

[liz-hippymom]

it will totally depend on your agency. my old agency made me put my home on hold a few months before Aquila was born- and then refused to let me be taken off hold after she died. so i got a new agency- one who says it is up to me to know what i can handle and when. so we are back in the game

[Polliwog]

I wouldn't worry about other prospective foster and foster adoptive parents. There are plenty of children to "go around" and the goal of most foster placements isn't adoption. At least initially.

[mariaz]

Our first placement was placed with us when he was 7 weeks old and I was 6 month pregnant. We went on to adopt him two years later--so he and his sister are only 5 month apart.

I am expecting again and have gotten plenty of calls throughout this pregnancy.

In our county you can't have more than two under two year old or more than 5 under 5 years old.

[Thandiwe]

Granted we already had little one in our home for a year, but I found out last summer I was unexpectedly pregnant. I was afraid to tell our social workers, but we were within the guidelines of number of infants in the home. They really didn't do anything until the birth, then just jotted down his info.

Honestly, as a mom who has four under the age of four, with two unnaturally close and both at a "fun" age of 2, I would be more concerned about you day to day. I don't think the state will care if you're within the guidelines, but I can say it's a lot of work. I am stressed many days and wonder if I can truly do it all over again the next day. But I get up and do it again. Having little ones so close is very taxing. Make sure you have as much help and support as possible. Each stage will present new challenges, from the exhaustion of the pregnancy to just not having a big enough lap to accommodate all the need for love at once.

((hugs)) You're heading out on a journey. Good luck!

[sugarmoon]

I've been pregnant and fostering lots. My first foster son was transitioning from residential care to my home during my first pregnancy. I had my second while he was with us. My now-adopted dd moved in and I got pg 3 months later. During that pg, her newborn 1/2 brother was placed with us -- he ended up being reunified with their mom, but we would have adopted him if he hadn't.

In my state, the rules are no more than 2 under 2 and no more than 4 under 6. If the baby hadn't been reunified with his mom, we'd have been in violation of the 4 under 6 part (I would have had a 5, 3, 3, 6 months and nb if he'd stayed until my babe was born), but the worker said they'd do a variance, b/c of keeping sibs together, and stability for the kids, esp my dd who had been w/ us for 2 years.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, just find out what the regs are in your state.

[IncompetentHousewife]

I'm glad you asked this question as I had a similar one — currently fostering a baby with the goal of adoption, and having the opportunity to privately adopt another child due this summer. What others have said about the number of children allowed under a certain age in your state makes a lot of sense. Good luck!

I do know that at least in my state foster parents are so desperately needed that it seems like a worker would be more concerned about having the minimum number of bedrooms for the number of children than anything else.