WWYD First Birthday

[GreenGranolaMama]

My DSs first birthday is at the end of next month and I would like to do something special/have a small gathering at our home. But here is the problem- my parents are divorced, my mom and dad get along ok but my sister (21) hasn't spoken to my Dad in like 2 years because she hates my stepmother (but really, most of my family/other folks doesn't like her- that is another thread entirely). I also do not care for my stepmother, but love my Dad and understand that they are kind of a package deal.

I know everyone wants to celebrate DSs birthday as they all love him, but really, I don't want to end up having to have a birthday party at each individual family members house. I also don't want to have to deal with the same issues for his birthday every year- I would like to have just one get together at our home- but is this reasonable or is this me not wanting to cater to others special circumstances?

So my question- Do I have a party at our home and just not invite some folks, invite everyone knowing that some might not come because others might come and expect that they are still going to want to see him for birthday related things on their own time?

How do other families do these things? It is his day and I want to include his extended family, but am worried about drama. Help?

[tracymom1]

sorry double post!

[tracymom1]

This is the first in many, many years of sharing your DS with both sides of the family. I really believe the best way to do that is invite everyone and be as honest as you can be - tell your sister that your Dad and his wife are coming and let her decide whether to attend or not. This issue will keep coming up as long as you allow it to.

My husband's mother and father have been divorced for several years. It was a bitter, hateful breakup and they had not spoken since parting. DH's father is married to the 'other woman'. When DS was born, they were all invited to the party we held to celebrate his birth. We simply said to all of them that if you want to come and celebrate with us, then come. If it's too uncomfortable for you, well then (sorry this sounds so crass) too darn bad for you.

I do not involve myself in the problems between other family members anymore. I just try to get along with everyone and let that be an example. Good luck!

[bajamergrrl]

Have the party at your house and invite everyone. If some adults can't be mature enough to put their differences aside and realize the gathering is for your DS then they are welcome to stay home. If anyone chooses to stay home and celebrate your DS's birthday in another way that's fine as long as all you have to do is show up.

Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt.

[snoopy5386]

we have this issue too. Both mine and DH's parents are divorced and mine divorced just before DD was born so it is still very sensitive. We invite everyone to everything and make sure they know the other people are invited. If they choose not to come it is their problem not mine. My Dad has only come to one of my DD's bday parties and that was only because my Mom was sick and was not coming. It makes me sad of course, but there is only so much you can do. We usually do celebrate with him at another time.

[lotus.blossom]

I have been thinking about my ds2's first birthday lately too. ds1's party was huge. We have a lot of extended family. So this time around I have decided that only the people who have been a big part of his life this past year will be invited to his party. That means some family and some friends.

I think that you should just invite the people that care about him the most and let people make their own decisions if they are going to let their disagreements keep them from celebrating with you. After all, its HIS day! Who will he appreciate seeing in the birthday photos and stories?

[GreenGranolaMama]

Thanks Mamas
I'm going to have DH read this because it's hard for him to understand where I am coming from sometimes- his family is SO much different than mine! I didn't mention it before but my Mom also just got remairred to a guy she met like a week before (yet another thread entirely). I know they would never say anything to my face, but I know DHs family laughs at how completely and totally crazy/ridiculous my family is (I love them, but moved away after college and had NO intentions of moving back...and yet...here I am...) all of this makes any get together we plan tough.

I can't believe my little guy is going to be one! I completely and totally want this day to be about celebrating our amazing first year together and don't want to get bogged down with other peoples issues, KWIM?

[blumooned]

Originally Posted by bajamergrrl

Have the party at your house and invite everyone. If some adults can't be mature enough to put their differences aside and realize the gathering is for your DS then they are welcome to stay home. If anyone chooses to stay home and celebrate your DS's birthday in another way that's fine as long as all you have to do is show up.

That's what we're doing. DS's bday is in April, too & we have a very similar situation. We invited everyone we thought should come - it's up to them now whether or not to come. I used an online party invitation (Evite) that shows all the guests' names & RSVPs, so everyone can see who else is coming. (Not everyone has RSPV'd yet, so we'll see what happens . . .

I was worried about it, too (& still am a little), but finally just decided that it is not MY problem. I want to enjoy DS's party & not be stressed, so I'm just not worrying about it (too much ). If anyone misbehaves, they'll just have to leave! Good luck with your party!!

[GreenGranolaMama]

Originally Posted by blumooned

That's what we're doing. DS's bday is in April, too & we have a very similar situation. We invited everyone we thought should come - it's up to them now whether or not to come. I used an online party invitation (Evite) that shows all the guests' names & RSVPs, so everyone can see who else is coming. (Not everyone has RSPV'd yet, so we'll see what happens . . .

I was worried about it, too (& still am a little), but finally just decided that it is not MY problem. I want to enjoy DS's party & not be stressed, so I'm just not worrying about it (too much ). If anyone misbehaves, they'll just have to leave! Good luck with your party!!

Thanks Mama Good to know I'm not the only one with wonky circumstances! Have fun with your party as well!

[firewoman]

I would invite everyone and not worry about everyone else's issues. This day is to celebrate your son's very first birthday and if people can't put all their issues aside to be there, that is their own problem. I wish adults would act like adults. I don't care for my stepmother either (no one in my family really does) but your sister doesn't have to stand next to her. She can hang out by the baby or you or your mother and if she must speak to her just be civil and talk about how adorable your one year old is.

[pumpkin]

I would invite everyone. Over the years my divorced grandparents went back and forth on how well they could get along at an event. In bad years they coordinated so one left the party early and the other just happened to arrive late.