Any single Mamas that don't plan to date? - Page 2

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by MomofMusa

Oh, good.

The love of my life is 2 yrs old. I divorced while less than 2 mo pregnant. I'm kind of like someone here, I don't have time for anyone, not even old friends on the phone.. That kind of sucks because, one recently wasn't too pleased when I admitted to not having time to even pick up the phone and listen to a message she left a week prior. I work full time out of the home, when I pick up my son from his babysitter granny, it's about him and I.

Also, I am afraid.. I watch reports about these boyfriends not being so nice to their girlfriend's child while she is away. Yeah, I am a bit paranoid..

It is very easy to isolate yourself as a mother by making your primary and ONLY focus your child. Please be very careful. Isolation is unhealthy for both a mother and a child.

When I don't take care of myself, I am a miserable, disconnected and grumpy mommy. Maintaining my friendships, doing someone fun for myself (a manicure, pedicure, a quick trip to the bookstore ALONE, etc.) and taking care of myself (physcially and emotionally) are fundamental priorities for me as both a mother and a human being.

Additionally, it is how I would want my son to take care of himself and live his life. As I am his greatest role model, I believe it is imperative that I walk the walk.

[Freedom~Mama]

Oh wow! Good for you! How did it go?!! Give us the details!!

Originally Posted by Labbemama

LOL, So I answered this thread and the neighborhood cutie came knocking and asked me out for tonight. To go to some friends to a neighboring town for drinks and dancing. He got my number and said he'd call me when he got done with this other event he had going on and now it's late and he hasn't called. I am so puzzled. But I really wanted to go OUT tonight.
Not so much to get in a serious relationship but just to get to know him a bit better. We do flirt here and there and I just thought he might be FUN to hang out with and I know none of the singles hangouts here and if I don't get some adult conversation I'm going to lose my mind.

When he asked me out I had just come back from walking the dogs. LOL. He just said fix your hair and I'll be back later. So here I am all dressed up and no place to go.

Edited to add: I shaved my legs and everything. I'm checking my phone like a school girl. LOL. Yes even called my sister and it is working properly.

[AKA_PI]

Honestly, I don't think dating or being with someone is in the cards for me. period. I would love for that to be a possibility but with the all other drama sounding my life, its not likely. Probably not until my son is out of the house and I have 17 more years before that happens. In the meantime, I'll just date myself.

[Labbemama]

BL, Nothing happened, Not a darn thing. He didn't call me. I'm hoping that there's some misunderstanding.

I really did feel alive, excited.

How does this sound ladies?
I think I'm going to say" R. Your Last Name," That's how mad I am that I'm going to call him by his last name when I find it out. LOL.

you have one chance to take me out on the town if you still are interested in me,Cuz I was really looking foward to getting to know you better.

You don't leave a lady all dressed up with no place to go on a saturday night. Especially not a fiesty red-headed one. (He is constantly flirting with me about my hair)

HE really does have good manners and what attracted me to him at first was he saw my rose bushes outside and asked me where I wanted them planted. LOL I want a guy who will PLANT a rose bush not bring you a single rose. ;-)

It was a good test run to see how the kids feel about it and handle it.

My youngest had a hard time with it though.
She was like mom you are never home at night you are always at the ER. (3 times in 3 months, 2 of em for her brother.) Anyhow, she was crying her eyes out begging me to stay home and I was like look I'm not even sure I'm going out... "but I want you all to myself." "I don't want a new stepdaddy." And so went the waterworks. I got her all calmed down.

When I do go out I'll make sure she has a fun activity scheduled to take her mind off what I'm doing.

My oldest thought it was cool. She's moping over her bf back home, 13 hours away.

My son gave me a lecture on safe-sex. (Blushing) Well atleast someone knows his stuff. His love life is dead. LOL. He just got an email from the love of his life back home wondering where we went.


I was like who said anything about marrying anybody? I just want to go out dancing and have ONE margarita. Is that SO much to ask for???

If had gf's here I would have hit the town with them and declared it Girls Night OUT! But all I have is my sister and she is way hotter than me. LOL.

Jeez louise their dad already moved in with his new flame like 3 months ago, Is it too much to ask for that I get one night out?

I did tell her HECK even you have had TWO dates since we got here! I took her and a girlfriend to PuttPutt Golf for go-carting to meet up with her first crush. Then the next weekend I took her crush to Alice in Wonderland the movie with us.

I mean come on now. My almost 12 year old dd has a more exciting love-life than me. Pathetic.

I was so mad and bored I cleaned the heck out of this place.

Then I went over there all made up this morning with my dogs and some bs reason to go over to tell his friend W that I was going to church now, to repent of my wicked wicked ways, LOL, and find me a good man of upstanding character. W remarked how good I looked and smelled and that wow I got all that dressed up for that hound dog, R. His best friend hugged me and said R. was a fool. They have been friends since high school.


So I'm gonna have to like curl my hair and put makeup on and stuff when I walk around this town. NO more sweatpants. ;-)

I asked his best friend if he said anything that scared him away. LOL Because I told W I'm not the kind of girl who goes all the way on the first date because it came up that R. was planning to stay overnite in the next town over and W. wanted me to leave him my car keys so he could go get me if I decided to come home.

Well I had already had a plan to do that and called my sister to let her know I had a date. ALso I wanted access to her wardrobe because I have nothing the slightest bit sexy in my closet. LOL.

And at this point I might be that kind of girl. but I don't want my kids and the whole neighborhood knowing my business!!! But anyhow if that's what he's after then I'm glad I didn't go.

His best friend had told me to stay away from him that he'd break my heart. I told him "I'm heartless." And my heart is already broken so not a problem. (That's the rumour anyway from my ex and my kids) and that maybe R. Should stay away from ME. I am nothing but trouble. ;-)

But anyhow if R. comes around I'll ask him what happened I thought we were going out last night and ask him if still wants one shot to take me out.

His best friend, W. is going to introduce me to some guys he thinks would be better for me. :-)

So it's not a total waste. His best friend W and W's gf M feel sort of parently towards me. I adore M and W I don't want them all thinking I'm skeevy. They might know someone good for me.

I just want a night out and a little affection. Nothing serious. It would be nice to dance with a fellow.
Ok it would be nice to learn to dance. My ex did not dance and I have two left feet.

Anyhow, no my hormones are not in check and I probably just need to get this out of my system. I can't remember the last time I had a proper intimate time. Sorry if that's TMI. But yeah, I was all excited, I packed a toothbrush for goodness' sake. All he had to do was show up and be his charming self.

But you know I have to set a good example for my kids and all that.


So I cooled my jets at church this a.m. and am joining their once a month singles again ministry. Will give me something to look foward to atleast.

Oh I'm so frustrated because I don't know why he didn't call me. I mean maybe he lost my number or just got busy or found someother date or decided not to go or went thinking I wasn't that kind of girl. Idk. But for Pete's sake, call and make something up. I hope he shows up because I'm wanting to know what happened and hoping we can still go out one night. Like tonight. LOL. I am so restless now.

I haven't been stood up since I was 16 and it p's me off because this is the first real date invitation I've had and it went so pathetically. IF that guy hadn't stood me up I wouldn't have been with my ex! So I'm a tad worried. LOL.

It's probably a good thing I didn't go and I need to go take a cold shower. But I have needs tooo..wah. wah poor me.

And it's got me thinking y'know I deserve some kind of life other than cleaning and driving ungrateful ppl around.

[racheepoo]

It's been 2 years since I left and I have no plans to date for another 2 years, at least. Between my Masters classes, FT job, and single parenting I'm lucky to have time or energy to do laundry. Let alone let someone yap at me about their life for 2 hours while I pay for a sitter. (No, I'm not cynical at all!) I'd rather use that 2 hours to get a pedicure or sit at Barnes & Noble with a coffee.

[MomofMusa]

Originally Posted by Holland73

It is very easy to isolate yourself as a mother by making your primary and ONLY focus your child. Please be very careful. Isolation is unhealthy for both a mother and a child.

When I don't take care of myself, I am a miserable, disconnected and grumpy mommy. Maintaining my friendships, doing someone fun for myself (a manicure, pedicure, a quick trip to the bookstore ALONE, etc.) and taking care of myself (physcially and emotionally) are fundamental priorities for me as both a mother and a human being.

Additionally, it is how I would want my son to take care of himself and live his life. As I am his greatest role model, I believe it is imperative that I walk the walk.

My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by MomofMusa

My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.

i'll speak for Holland (instead of doing my chem hw).

even i read 'isolate' when you said you dont even pick up the phone.

what holland is saying is what many of us single moms all suffer from. we tend to put everything into our children without saving anything for us. and then one day it hits you - it really hits you that you really have done nothing for yourself. she is just saying save a tinee bit for yourself that is not your son related.

i would tell you teh same thing. i hope you do little things for yourself and just not focus all the time around dd. i speak from experience and i discovered when i take care of myself i also take care of dd. i am an older mom too. i remember so well my xmil (also my best friend) and my mom asking me what i was doing for myself and telling me 'no tell me what you did for yourself that did not include your dd'. could be anything. just sitting and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate after dd was asleep or taking a midnight shower or even going out with friends. but they always asked what was i doing for myself.


DATING!!!!! I have never ever said no or yes to it. it happened naturally. the first year and a half i was so messed up emotionally that i never noticed anyone. a year and a half later i picked up my head and hey hello!!!!

i have never wanted to close any options.

i have had fun. some not so. but i realised i am so different now than when i was dating before. i have become far more choosy.

i have met a couple of hopefuls. one whom initially i really liked. but then i found i am really enjoying my single life. the fun i was having with them was not enough for me to change my life. many of them i loved as friends - but oh boy not partner material.

i have not actively pursued dating. nor will i ever do it in the future. nor have i actively stayed away from dating. i am content where i am. i dont have the problem of loneliness because i was FAR more lonely in our relationship rather than out of it.

i just dont ever want to put up with anyone's bs again. and these days i seem to find that everyone seems to have some baggage.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by MomofMusa

My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.

In your initial post, you wrote:

I don't have time for anyone, not even old friends on the phone

AND

I work full time out of the home, when I pick up my son from his babysitter granny, it's about him and I.

AND then this:

I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend.

It is from the first two quotes that I drew my isolation-potential conclusion. The last one just makes me wonder further.

You work full-time and take care of your dc all the rest of your time. When do you have time to yourself? To nurture yourself?

I am also an older, 100% solo mama... it's just me and ds, no family, no X involvement, etc. And, I work full-time as an elementary school teacher.

Speaking ONLY for myself, if I didn't make the time for myself and to nurture myself as a human being, I would be an emotionally and physically unhealthy and miserable mama. Additionally, it wouldn't be the kind of life I would EVER want my ds to have in his future, but that would be what I would be modeling for him.

Therefore, I do go to the gym 3-4 days a week and ds goes to the gym childcare, which he loves. I also make sure to stay connected with my friends by calling them after ds goes to bed or going out for a quick dinner or cup of coffee on a weeknight or weekend. Oh, and I also splurge on a pedicure every 2 weeks.

Regardless, everyone's needs are different. I imagine at 44, you know what you need. Therefore, I meant no offense.

Originally Posted by meemee

i'll speak for Holland (instead of doing my chem hw).

even i read 'isolate' when you said you dont even pick up the phone.

what holland is saying is what many of us single moms all suffer from. we tend to put everything into our children without saving anything for us. and then one day it hits you - it really hits you that you really have done nothing for yourself. she is just saying save a tinee bit for yourself that is not your son related.

Thanks meemee!

[momma2girls]

I have no plans to start dating anyone anytime soon. I got divorced in 2008 and had a on/off relationship for a short while after that and then reconnected with an old high school boyfriend this last summer who left me alone and pregnant. So, I am pretty much done with men for the moment. I really feel I need to focus on my babies and myself as that is what is really important. I would like someone to go out with occasionally but not someone to date. I am so not ready for that.

[MomofMusa]

Originally Posted by Holland73

In your initial post, you wrote:



AND

AND then this:



It is from the first two quotes that I drew my isolation-potential conclusion. The last one just makes me wonder further.

You work full-time and take care of your dc all the rest of your time. When do you have time to yourself? To nurture yourself?

I am also an older, 100% solo mama... it's just me and ds, no family, no X involvement, etc. And, I work full-time as an elementary school teacher.

Speaking ONLY for myself, if I didn't make the time for myself and to nurture myself as a human being, I would be an emotionally and physically unhealthy and miserable mama. Additionally, it wouldn't be the kind of life I would EVER want my ds to have in his future, but that would be what I would be modeling for him.

Therefore, I do go to the gym 3-4 days a week and ds goes to the gym childcare, which he loves. I also make sure to stay connected with my friends by calling them after ds goes to bed or going out for a quick dinner or cup of coffee on a weeknight or weekend. Oh, and I also splurge on a pedicure every 2 weeks.

Regardless, everyone's needs are different. I imagine at 44, you know what you need. Therefore, I meant no offense.



Thanks meemee!

I am offended... I didn't come here to be judged, lecturecd and have my small post picked apart.. I answered a question that was asked and only tossed in a tiny bit of who I am..

I don't pick up the phone becuase, we get home late, we have activities and dinner with my son and then, we are sleep... Weekends are for us to play and do what we want to do..

As mentioned.. My friends are peakers.. They peak in and out of my life.. I don't have time for that kind of friendship.. My family does not peak in and out of my life...

Again, I am being judged and lectured on a thread that asked a question about dating, I just happened to mention a tiny part of what isn't all of me...


Don't read between the lines of a person you don't know.. A book should not be judged by it's cover..

Peace out to you all.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Lol. I'll pipe up and say that I'm pretty much like MomofMusa...from what she's posted.

I've been single for almost three years and my son is my primary cohort.

I work full time, grab my son from school, complete our evening routine together and on weekends were out the door together for activities.

There are people IRL that have approached me about isolation issues, but truly I am the best judge of what is considered isolation in my life.

I am an introvert (which Momof Musa doesn't say about herself either way) so your definition of isolation is my definition of relaxation, recharging, re-energizing.

To the OP, I've had so many people ask me when I'm gonna start dating again, but I really could careless. I reserve the right to change that anytime, but 3 years from divorce and I still don't have an interest.

Anyhow, just different perspectives. I am enjoying ME time, figuring me out, learning about me.
And just having my son as my focus without complicating his current life with me dating. (not saying that as a judgement on other mommas...just what works here )

[MomofMusa]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

Lol. I'll pipe up and say that I'm pretty much like MomofMusa...from what she's posted.

I've been single for almost three years and my son is my primary cohort.

I work full time, grab my son from school, complete our evening routine together and on weekends were out the door together for activities.

There are people IRL that have approached me about isolation issues, but truly I am the best judge of what is considered isolation in my life.

I am an introvert (which Momof Musa doesn't say about herself either way) so your definition of isolation is my definition of relaxation, recharging, re-energizing.

To the OP, I've had so many people ask me when I'm gonna start dating again, but I really could careless. I reserve the right to change that anytime, but 3 years from divorce and I still don't have an interest.

Anyhow, just different perspectives. I am enjoying ME time, figuring me out, learning about me.
And just having my son as my focus without complicating his current life with me dating. (not saying that as a judgement on other mommas...just what works here )

Phew... I could kiss you and bless your heart...

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

Lol. I'll pipe up and say that I'm pretty much like MomofMusa...from what she's posted. ...

...I am an introvert (which Momof Musa doesn't say about herself either way) so your definition of isolation is my definition of relaxation, recharging, re-energizing.

To the OP, I've had so many people ask me when I'm gonna start dating again, but I really could careless. I reserve the right to change that anytime, but 3 years from divorce and I still don't have an interest.

Single for five years here. I thought I might like to date someone but...it didn't pan out and I am not looking. If it happens, it happens. Right now, DS and I are best buds; he's growing up too quickly as it is.

[Freedom~Mama]

MomofMusa- I understand what you mean. This thread is about support and love...not judgement! We each live our lives differently and no one is perfect. I am an Introvert and I definitely am not having much of a social life. that is okay for this time in my life though. No one thing works for everyone! I think you are doing great.

[Theia]

I will agree that our LO's are growing up too fast. I am an introvert, and I do tend to isolate a bit. But I'm also working through that in counseling. I think there is nothing wrong with being our LO's main squeeze, especially in the younger years. We all have different needs and likes for our lives. I think isolation is a problem if you are a grumpy unhappy mom and that you don't actively seek out opportunities for your DC to explore and learn about the world and other people as age appropriate. Spending the weekend going to activities with your DC isn't what I would call isolating. Isolating is fearful to leave your home, fearful of letting anyone get to know you. Sitting at home and not getting ANY social interaction for yourself and your DC is isolating. For me, I have 2 whole hours every week without my 2yo DD. That's it and it's a relatively new thing in our lives. But it's a huge step considering our recent history.

I imagine it will be over a year before I consider dating, probably much longer. DD is only going to be so young for such a short period of time. I want to ensure that we have a strong healthy relationship with each other as well as local friends before bringing another person into our personal lives.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

Originally Posted by MomofMusa

Phew... I could kiss you and bless your heart...

Woo-hoo!!! Look! I CAN still get some action!!



Peace and love to you!!

[Holland73]

Wow, do I feel like a witch burned at the stake.

I am not exactly sure where everyone read judgement in my posts. I meant absolutely NO judgement. And what hurts is that instead of asking, "are you judging me? Or am I reading your words wrong?" Everyone automatically jumps to defend and crucify me.

And, I am honestly not sure where lecturing was involved in my posts? I was sharing about MYSELF and my needs. But, apparently, since my needs are different from others than I definitely shouldn't be sharing them.

In fact, I believe I even wrote at the end of my last post that everyone has different needs and that I meant no offense with my initial post.

[Theia]

I wasn't judging you. And I am sure the OP wants this to be a place where everyone feels welcome to share. Let's just share a and move on with the love.

[*bejeweled*]

MomofMusa, I'm with you. You should be offended. It sounds like you are happy and satisfied with the decisions that you are making for you and your son. I totally understand that you are prioritizing what is important for you at this point in your life. Go girl!

Originally Posted by MomofMusa

I am offended... I didn't come here to be judged, lecturecd and have my small post picked apart.. I answered a question that was asked and only tossed in a tiny bit of who I am..

I don't pick up the phone becuase, we get home late, we have activities and dinner with my son and then, we are sleep... Weekends are for us to play and do what we want to do..

As mentioned.. My friends are peakers.. They peak in and out of my life.. I don't have time for that kind of friendship.. My family does not peak in and out of my life...

Again, I am being judged and lectured on a thread that asked a question about dating, I just happened to mention a tiny part of what isn't all of me...


Don't read between the lines of a person you don't know.. A book should not be judged by it's cover..

Peace out to you all.

[*bejeweled*]

Holland 73, you are really being overly dramatic. No one is trying to "crucify" you. Your post just came across as judgmental.

Originally Posted by Holland73

Wow, do I feel like a witch burned at the stake.

I am not exactly sure where everyone read judgement in my posts. I meant absolutely NO judgement. And what hurts is that instead of asking, "are you judging me? Or am I reading your words wrong?" Everyone automatically jumps to defend and crucify me.

And, I am honestly not sure where lecturing was involved in my posts? I was sharing about MYSELF and my needs. But, apparently, since my needs are different from others than I definitely shouldn't be sharing them.

In fact, I believe I even wrote at the end of my last post that everyone has different needs and that I meant no offense with my initial post.