I had the craziest day today!
I'm relieved on one hand. So annoyed on the other. This involves mostly babywearing but other aspects of AP, and also venting. So I hope it's in the right spot. I seem to have trouble with that...haha...
My one biggest, can't-live-without, must-have, bestest, most loved baby item I have is my beco. Throw out all swings, high chairs, jumperoos, I don't care...must have my beco. My favoritest thing about the beco is being able to get my son on my back (who is 9 but almost 10 months and 23 pounds) all by myself. As a matter of fact I do it better by myself. I get housework done and do chores and go on hikes and always shop with him on my back. Sometimes, but only very rarely does he sit in a double jogger with big sis. She usually doesn't go in the stroller either and I have even worn her a couple of times but she doesn't really care for it anymore. Anyway, I have beco butterfly in Sara, and I have four "skins" or slipcovers I have made for beco to change my look.
Today, I went out with my mother. We went in a store in a plaza and then she wanted to go into McD's so we went there. We went back to my car and I got DS in his carseat and we drove away. We went back to our town which is a half hour away and went to another store. I got out of the car to get baby in the back and asked where my beco was. It wasn't anywhere. I said, "Oh no, I put it on the back of the car and drove away...we have to go back there now!" and my mother said, "Calm down. Don't get so upset, it is just a material thing" I said, "I know, but it is the one thing I cannot live without. I need that. I cannot replace it. It costs approx $140 new and I bought it for $80 used." (It is really my only carrier too. I think I have an old Peanut shell hanging around here, oh yeah and there is a Snugli around that hubby uses) I knew how she was going to react to that and wished I didn't say it. I am driving back towards the store....
Her: You paid $80 for that?
Me: You don't understand...it's worth that and more, it's the best thing I have and that I use all the time.
Her: Is there anything I buy that you think that it's stupid to spend that much money? There is, isn't there...tell me...
Me (not directly answering that): Why do you think that it's a waste of money? People tend to balk less at an $80 stroller and since I'm not as much of a stroller person as I am a carrier person....
Her: Well I would never pay more than like $11 for a stroller (she bought an umbrella stroller back in 2001 for a boy that she watched)
Me: What, that umbrella stroller? Yeah that's practical.
(Mind you I have two children, I live on dirt roads and driveways and my second must-have baby equipment is the jogger. She has a 9 yr old umbrella stroller that is rickety and you have to lean way over as the handles only come up to your thighs.)
I tell her that I love to carry Griffin because it's soothing to him and he loves it. People comment all the time how happy he looks and he never fusses while in the carrier.
Her: Well you say that he fusses unless you pick him up and put him in the carrier. Maybe you should stop putting him in the carrier. It's like giving candy to a baby just to make him stop crying.
Me: A mother holding a baby to comfort him really is not equal to giving a baby candy. I know you and motherinlaw have a problem with the way I parent. This is the way I parent. I know not everone does what I do...
Her: No, it has nothing to do with that. You want it to be, you think it's about you being progressive but you're not...
Me: Progressive? What are you talking about? This is an ancient practice, carrying your baby...
Her: Oh yeah, well those people didn't need an $80 carrier to achieve that they used what was available..
Me: And they also went to the bathroom in the woods, should I do that?
Her: Maybe you should. Why don't you find cheaper fabric and try to make something with that.
Me: I have tried that. I have bought different types of fabric to make a wrap. It didn't work well and it hurt me, I ended up spending a fortune on fabric and I like the convienence of the beco. So that's what I have. I want it and I need it. I'll be very very sad if I have lost it for good.
We arrive at the store and she gets out and walks in the store and asks the people as I check all around on the ground. I was sure someone might have found it. I thought it was gone forever. My mother comes out of the store holding my beco up high. Some older woman said to my mother, "I'm so happy because you're happy!" And I am so happy that someone was nice enough to pick up my carrier in that parking lot and bring it into the store. I wish I could thank that person. I will try to return the karma by helping someone out the next time I can...
As for mother. We went back to her house. I looked around and said to her that yes, there are things she spends money on that I would not, I would rather spend it on my children. Examples were her expensive light fixtures, wall decor and sconces. I don't have really expensive things for the children, not by a long shot. My mother inlaw buys a lot of it, I get things on Ebay, consignment and thrift stores. But my mother thinks my kids things should only be from Walmart (even if some of my things are cheaper than Walmart) and for the most part it's not worth it to spend money on them at all. I don't go spend crazy by any means, but don't think I need to feel like crap if I want to spend money and buy a cute outfit for my child...you know?
Then my dad comes home and my mother tells me to tell him the baby carrier story. So I did. And I threw in about how my mom was criticizing me using it and she said, "I just wanted to make you feel better in case you couldn't get it back. So you wouldn't blow more money" and then she said she really didn't want to talk about it anymore. She threw in that she bet that I would be scarred over this for months and that she was just "trying to have a discussion" about babywearing. I was like, "that was NOT a discussion" and she said, "I bet you're going to go home and tell hubby all about what an evil witch I am and forget to tell him the things you said." I said, "What did I say?" she said, "I don't want to talk about it" Ummmm....okay...
Both mother inlaw and mother have seriously attacked me and my parenting style over the last week, as has also his aunt and cousin's wife. According to the things they have been saying, I need to let my child(ren) cry it out, they are spoiled, I need to put them in their own crib, stop giving breast whenever he cries, make him sleep through the night even though he wakes due to teething pain, put them in a playpen, make them sit in the stroller/on the floor, natural products for the kids aren't really worth it and don't buy them anything that doesn't come from the dollar store. Wow. Oh and I got accused of not matching son's clothes correctly.
I feel very attacked and upset. I know what I am doing is best for them and my children are very well adjusted. I feel attacked mostly by my mother and mother inlaw, but mostly my mother. Should I hand out brochures on AP? Snarky comments? What did you do to handle this?
I'm relieved on one hand. So annoyed on the other. This involves mostly babywearing but other aspects of AP, and also venting. So I hope it's in the right spot. I seem to have trouble with that...haha...
My one biggest, can't-live-without, must-have, bestest, most loved baby item I have is my beco. Throw out all swings, high chairs, jumperoos, I don't care...must have my beco. My favoritest thing about the beco is being able to get my son on my back (who is 9 but almost 10 months and 23 pounds) all by myself. As a matter of fact I do it better by myself. I get housework done and do chores and go on hikes and always shop with him on my back. Sometimes, but only very rarely does he sit in a double jogger with big sis. She usually doesn't go in the stroller either and I have even worn her a couple of times but she doesn't really care for it anymore. Anyway, I have beco butterfly in Sara, and I have four "skins" or slipcovers I have made for beco to change my look.
Today, I went out with my mother. We went in a store in a plaza and then she wanted to go into McD's so we went there. We went back to my car and I got DS in his carseat and we drove away. We went back to our town which is a half hour away and went to another store. I got out of the car to get baby in the back and asked where my beco was. It wasn't anywhere. I said, "Oh no, I put it on the back of the car and drove away...we have to go back there now!" and my mother said, "Calm down. Don't get so upset, it is just a material thing" I said, "I know, but it is the one thing I cannot live without. I need that. I cannot replace it. It costs approx $140 new and I bought it for $80 used." (It is really my only carrier too. I think I have an old Peanut shell hanging around here, oh yeah and there is a Snugli around that hubby uses) I knew how she was going to react to that and wished I didn't say it. I am driving back towards the store....
Her: You paid $80 for that?
Me: You don't understand...it's worth that and more, it's the best thing I have and that I use all the time.
Her: Is there anything I buy that you think that it's stupid to spend that much money? There is, isn't there...tell me...
Me (not directly answering that): Why do you think that it's a waste of money? People tend to balk less at an $80 stroller and since I'm not as much of a stroller person as I am a carrier person....
Her: Well I would never pay more than like $11 for a stroller (she bought an umbrella stroller back in 2001 for a boy that she watched)
Me: What, that umbrella stroller? Yeah that's practical.
(Mind you I have two children, I live on dirt roads and driveways and my second must-have baby equipment is the jogger. She has a 9 yr old umbrella stroller that is rickety and you have to lean way over as the handles only come up to your thighs.)
I tell her that I love to carry Griffin because it's soothing to him and he loves it. People comment all the time how happy he looks and he never fusses while in the carrier.
Her: Well you say that he fusses unless you pick him up and put him in the carrier. Maybe you should stop putting him in the carrier. It's like giving candy to a baby just to make him stop crying.
Me: A mother holding a baby to comfort him really is not equal to giving a baby candy. I know you and motherinlaw have a problem with the way I parent. This is the way I parent. I know not everone does what I do...
Her: No, it has nothing to do with that. You want it to be, you think it's about you being progressive but you're not...
Me: Progressive? What are you talking about? This is an ancient practice, carrying your baby...
Her: Oh yeah, well those people didn't need an $80 carrier to achieve that they used what was available..
Me: And they also went to the bathroom in the woods, should I do that?
Her: Maybe you should. Why don't you find cheaper fabric and try to make something with that.
Me: I have tried that. I have bought different types of fabric to make a wrap. It didn't work well and it hurt me, I ended up spending a fortune on fabric and I like the convienence of the beco. So that's what I have. I want it and I need it. I'll be very very sad if I have lost it for good.
We arrive at the store and she gets out and walks in the store and asks the people as I check all around on the ground. I was sure someone might have found it. I thought it was gone forever. My mother comes out of the store holding my beco up high. Some older woman said to my mother, "I'm so happy because you're happy!" And I am so happy that someone was nice enough to pick up my carrier in that parking lot and bring it into the store. I wish I could thank that person. I will try to return the karma by helping someone out the next time I can...
As for mother. We went back to her house. I looked around and said to her that yes, there are things she spends money on that I would not, I would rather spend it on my children. Examples were her expensive light fixtures, wall decor and sconces. I don't have really expensive things for the children, not by a long shot. My mother inlaw buys a lot of it, I get things on Ebay, consignment and thrift stores. But my mother thinks my kids things should only be from Walmart (even if some of my things are cheaper than Walmart) and for the most part it's not worth it to spend money on them at all. I don't go spend crazy by any means, but don't think I need to feel like crap if I want to spend money and buy a cute outfit for my child...you know?
Then my dad comes home and my mother tells me to tell him the baby carrier story. So I did. And I threw in about how my mom was criticizing me using it and she said, "I just wanted to make you feel better in case you couldn't get it back. So you wouldn't blow more money" and then she said she really didn't want to talk about it anymore. She threw in that she bet that I would be scarred over this for months and that she was just "trying to have a discussion" about babywearing. I was like, "that was NOT a discussion" and she said, "I bet you're going to go home and tell hubby all about what an evil witch I am and forget to tell him the things you said." I said, "What did I say?" she said, "I don't want to talk about it" Ummmm....okay...
Both mother inlaw and mother have seriously attacked me and my parenting style over the last week, as has also his aunt and cousin's wife. According to the things they have been saying, I need to let my child(ren) cry it out, they are spoiled, I need to put them in their own crib, stop giving breast whenever he cries, make him sleep through the night even though he wakes due to teething pain, put them in a playpen, make them sit in the stroller/on the floor, natural products for the kids aren't really worth it and don't buy them anything that doesn't come from the dollar store. Wow. Oh and I got accused of not matching son's clothes correctly.
I feel very attacked and upset. I know what I am doing is best for them and my children are very well adjusted. I feel attacked mostly by my mother and mother inlaw, but mostly my mother. Should I hand out brochures on AP? Snarky comments? What did you do to handle this?
s
My response is always, "look you made your mistakes and messed us up... now let me make my mistakes and mess up mine how I see fit. I think this is best, but if it isnt I am saving up for therapy. ok?"
I have seriously said this to me parents and inlaws....
