We are so puzzled and frustrated not AT ds per se but just at what is going on. I know intellectually that to a certain extent everything he is doing is pretty typical 2 year old behavior, but he has become SUCH an authority challenger, defiant, stubborn, uncooperative, obstinate....you get the idea. I am a pretty stubborn person myself (and was as a child....even extremely aggressive spankings didn't faze me) but I am still perplexed by him because I just can't get inside his head and relate to figure out WHY he is challenging us. The only thing I can think of is the impending new baby, but we aren't making a big deal about her, we haven't set up any baby furniture, all we have for her are a few newborn clothes and a box of diapers, which are put away, so it's not like all this attention is being diverted from ds into the setting up of a nursery, baby shopping etc. Right now he is home with me every day, and I do feel like he's craving more stimulation that I can rev myself up to provide (being that I'm due in 3 weeks and fat, and tired and grouchy). But I really do try and we go somewhere every day even if just for a walk, or to do a load of laundry at the laundromat, or something, to get out of the house. Some examples:
We went to the laundromat and he asked for a quarter. The deal is that he "helps" me and at the end of the laundry when it's all done, he gets a quarter to spend on the candy machine. He had already gotten his quarter (he took it without asking before we finished) so I told him no more, so he went and asked someoen else for money, several times, even after she nicely refused. Of course I'm trying to stop him, but every time I turned back to laundry he would run over and ask again. Then I saw him, faster than I could scoot over there, go up to her very quietly, watch her for a second to see if she was looking, and then stick his hand in her pocket and pull out a dollar bill and try to run off with it. I was so embarrassed.
we were at the playground and he snatched a bucket from a little girl, even though he has his own bucket. Then, when the little girl's mother intervened nicely (and I was headed that way, remember I'm pregnant and I waddle) asking him to please share, he took the bucket and scooped up sand and threw it at the little girl, while telling the mother "I throw sand at your girl and make her cry."
He fights with anyone who will fight with him. Not necessarily hard beat-you-uo fighting, but he just wants to wrestle, roll and scuffle even when people make it clear that they are not interested in that. He just can't seem to paly like the other kids. If they are making a sandcastle, he has to step on it. If they are playing trains, he snatches their trains. If they are builing with blocks, instead of trying to help build the tower, he kicks it over, or takes the blocks away. If they start fighting with him, he gladly fights back.
The thing is that he doesn't seem angry, and he is constantly saying he wants friends. He doesn't even seem mad when he bullies other kids...he just *does* it constantly. I'm not a helicopter type parent either, and for the most part I let him fight his own battles. When kids pick on him, I don't jump in immediately, but let them work it out. But when he picks on someone else, I feel obligated to step in because I don't want people to think I don't care, or think that's ok. We have talked over and over about when it is appropriate to hit....if someone is hurting you, only. I can't tell him to NEVER hit because there are situations where I feel he is jsutified in defending himself. And he isn't throwing punches so much as just being destructive.
He is destructive at home too. His level of intensity is just.....overwhelming. It makes me think either something is wrong with me, and I've forgotten (after years of childcare experience) what two year olds are like, or something is wrong with *him*.
For instance today alone: He climbed on to the dresser and opened my makeup bag (which is where I keep anything I want out of his eyesight/reach) and was taking all my contact lenses out. I asked him, nicely, to come down off the dresser and leave those alone because they are expensive. He understands what "expensive" means. you may not beleive me, but he does. The child can use the word "aggravate" correctly in a sentence. Instead he threw them on the ground and picked up a bottle of tums (which I have TOLD dp to put them up higher, multiple times) and opened the bottle and started eating them. At this point I jump up to grab it before he makes himself sick, so he grabs the teacup with spare change and dumps it out and starts spreading the coins wildly all over the dresser, rubbing his face and arms in the coins.
Breakfast, he eats a little bit, standing up, rocking from foot to foot the entire time, then puts down the spoon and starts trying to eat with his hands...things like yogurt, cold cereal, oatmeal, etc. Then when he gets dirty he freaks out and wants me to wipe him off.
After breakfast, I go use the bathroom and come out to find that he has pulled a chair up to the counter and climbed up there to get his paints out. he is now naked, with stickers covering his body, and he is using his glitter glue to paint the table. while I'm cleaning that up, he gets into the fridge and starts eating a stick of butter. After being told 3 times to stop I finally put him in timeout so I could finish cleaning the paint mess. As soon as I'm done cleaning I let him get down off the couch and I sit down to try and eat. My phone rigns and right in front of my eyes I see him grab a bag of flour that I forgot to put out of reach and start reaching inside to throw it on the floor. When I tell him to stopp, he throws more on the floor and then rubs his bare feet in it, while telling me "I make a mess, mommy". While I'm cleaning THAT up he finds a bag of cookies that were supposed to be hidden, because he is allergic to red 40, and takes all the cookies out and licks the front where you can see the bright collored m & m's in them, then throws them away or drop them on the floor. When I tell him to stop he gets on the couch and hangs upside down until he falls and hits his head. Then he asks for juice so I give him a small cup, whcih he accidentally spills a little of onto the floor. I don't get mad but tell him he can just wip it up. I dont get upset by messes, typically, especially if it's an accident. Before I can hand him the paper towel he pours the rest of the drink on the floor, throws the cup into the sink and then starts delightedly splashing in the "puddle." I hand him a towel and ask him to wipe it up, which he starts doign, and I go pee and when I come back he has dipped the entire towel in the mop water from earlier (the flour thing) and is in his words "washing the floor." And he is grinning up at me "I so helpful, mommy," he says.
The whole day goes like this. He won't fall asleep unless I pat his back or butt, hard, for sometimes up to 2 hours. He never winds down. I see other kids and they wind up, but they wind back down. He is up early in the morning, talking a mile a minute, doing his "naked baby dance"
as he calls it, and he doesn't wind down until he is forced into bed. Sometimes it is 10 PM or later before he actually falls asleep.
None of this would bother me so much if he just listened every once in a while, but everything, from going potty to putting shoes on, to using a spoon to eat, to getting in the carseat, EVERYTHING is a fight. I have tried everything I know how to do and I feel like he is getting more out of control instead of less. I don't even think HE knows what to do with himself....he is constantly spinning, moving, swinging, hanging upside down, stomping....we went to the park and all the other kids saw this mud puddle, maybe dipped a foot in or splashed a few times, and went on and played. Ds literally rolled in it, like a puppy dog, and continued to paly in it for close to 2 hours. And yes, I let him, because I didnt' see any harm in it. Who cares if it makes me a bad mom....he had a great time and actually took a nap that day. But we can't always find that level of stimulation every day.
to amke it worse, he is so stinking smart that we can't even SPELL in front of him, let alone talk, because he understands and repeats everything. He now knows what quite a few spelled-out words mean, and I had to stop spelling certain things because he repeats everything. I know he understands everything because later on he will tell you an entire story about soemthing that happened, and even describe things in a way that lets you know he understands what went on, but if you ask him a question, he freezes and just repeats whatever you said to him. But he is extremely intelligent. He knows dozens of songs word for word, soem after only hearing a few times. He knows almost all his letters and their sounds. He can count, spell his name, even tell you how to say things in Spanish. He loves to do "schoolwork' and even sits still for one on one workbook activity. But he is exhausting to be around.
Is this all just normal 2 year old stuff or what? Please don't get me wrong. I laugh so much because I have a child who can find the fun in just about anything. He is cute, and sweet, and loves me to death, and I swear I don't know what I'd do without him. this is not a complaint about him. But he is exhausting us all...me, my bf, my parents, everyone. I'm noticing less and less offers to watch him or to have us over. Playdates are vanishing into thin air even as he begs me for friends to play with. Inevitabl if we go somewhere he breaks something, ro messes something up somehow. He;s clumsy too which makes me feel bad for him when he is *trying* to be "good" and still spills or breaks soemthing.
What am I doing wrong? Not disciplining him enough? Not enough boundaries? TOO strict and making him act out? We have a general routine we follow every day and I do watch what he eats.
We went to the laundromat and he asked for a quarter. The deal is that he "helps" me and at the end of the laundry when it's all done, he gets a quarter to spend on the candy machine. He had already gotten his quarter (he took it without asking before we finished) so I told him no more, so he went and asked someoen else for money, several times, even after she nicely refused. Of course I'm trying to stop him, but every time I turned back to laundry he would run over and ask again. Then I saw him, faster than I could scoot over there, go up to her very quietly, watch her for a second to see if she was looking, and then stick his hand in her pocket and pull out a dollar bill and try to run off with it. I was so embarrassed.
we were at the playground and he snatched a bucket from a little girl, even though he has his own bucket. Then, when the little girl's mother intervened nicely (and I was headed that way, remember I'm pregnant and I waddle) asking him to please share, he took the bucket and scooped up sand and threw it at the little girl, while telling the mother "I throw sand at your girl and make her cry."
He fights with anyone who will fight with him. Not necessarily hard beat-you-uo fighting, but he just wants to wrestle, roll and scuffle even when people make it clear that they are not interested in that. He just can't seem to paly like the other kids. If they are making a sandcastle, he has to step on it. If they are playing trains, he snatches their trains. If they are builing with blocks, instead of trying to help build the tower, he kicks it over, or takes the blocks away. If they start fighting with him, he gladly fights back.
The thing is that he doesn't seem angry, and he is constantly saying he wants friends. He doesn't even seem mad when he bullies other kids...he just *does* it constantly. I'm not a helicopter type parent either, and for the most part I let him fight his own battles. When kids pick on him, I don't jump in immediately, but let them work it out. But when he picks on someone else, I feel obligated to step in because I don't want people to think I don't care, or think that's ok. We have talked over and over about when it is appropriate to hit....if someone is hurting you, only. I can't tell him to NEVER hit because there are situations where I feel he is jsutified in defending himself. And he isn't throwing punches so much as just being destructive.
He is destructive at home too. His level of intensity is just.....overwhelming. It makes me think either something is wrong with me, and I've forgotten (after years of childcare experience) what two year olds are like, or something is wrong with *him*.
For instance today alone: He climbed on to the dresser and opened my makeup bag (which is where I keep anything I want out of his eyesight/reach) and was taking all my contact lenses out. I asked him, nicely, to come down off the dresser and leave those alone because they are expensive. He understands what "expensive" means. you may not beleive me, but he does. The child can use the word "aggravate" correctly in a sentence. Instead he threw them on the ground and picked up a bottle of tums (which I have TOLD dp to put them up higher, multiple times) and opened the bottle and started eating them. At this point I jump up to grab it before he makes himself sick, so he grabs the teacup with spare change and dumps it out and starts spreading the coins wildly all over the dresser, rubbing his face and arms in the coins.
Breakfast, he eats a little bit, standing up, rocking from foot to foot the entire time, then puts down the spoon and starts trying to eat with his hands...things like yogurt, cold cereal, oatmeal, etc. Then when he gets dirty he freaks out and wants me to wipe him off.
After breakfast, I go use the bathroom and come out to find that he has pulled a chair up to the counter and climbed up there to get his paints out. he is now naked, with stickers covering his body, and he is using his glitter glue to paint the table. while I'm cleaning that up, he gets into the fridge and starts eating a stick of butter. After being told 3 times to stop I finally put him in timeout so I could finish cleaning the paint mess. As soon as I'm done cleaning I let him get down off the couch and I sit down to try and eat. My phone rigns and right in front of my eyes I see him grab a bag of flour that I forgot to put out of reach and start reaching inside to throw it on the floor. When I tell him to stopp, he throws more on the floor and then rubs his bare feet in it, while telling me "I make a mess, mommy". While I'm cleaning THAT up he finds a bag of cookies that were supposed to be hidden, because he is allergic to red 40, and takes all the cookies out and licks the front where you can see the bright collored m & m's in them, then throws them away or drop them on the floor. When I tell him to stop he gets on the couch and hangs upside down until he falls and hits his head. Then he asks for juice so I give him a small cup, whcih he accidentally spills a little of onto the floor. I don't get mad but tell him he can just wip it up. I dont get upset by messes, typically, especially if it's an accident. Before I can hand him the paper towel he pours the rest of the drink on the floor, throws the cup into the sink and then starts delightedly splashing in the "puddle." I hand him a towel and ask him to wipe it up, which he starts doign, and I go pee and when I come back he has dipped the entire towel in the mop water from earlier (the flour thing) and is in his words "washing the floor." And he is grinning up at me "I so helpful, mommy," he says.
The whole day goes like this. He won't fall asleep unless I pat his back or butt, hard, for sometimes up to 2 hours. He never winds down. I see other kids and they wind up, but they wind back down. He is up early in the morning, talking a mile a minute, doing his "naked baby dance"
as he calls it, and he doesn't wind down until he is forced into bed. Sometimes it is 10 PM or later before he actually falls asleep.None of this would bother me so much if he just listened every once in a while, but everything, from going potty to putting shoes on, to using a spoon to eat, to getting in the carseat, EVERYTHING is a fight. I have tried everything I know how to do and I feel like he is getting more out of control instead of less. I don't even think HE knows what to do with himself....he is constantly spinning, moving, swinging, hanging upside down, stomping....we went to the park and all the other kids saw this mud puddle, maybe dipped a foot in or splashed a few times, and went on and played. Ds literally rolled in it, like a puppy dog, and continued to paly in it for close to 2 hours. And yes, I let him, because I didnt' see any harm in it. Who cares if it makes me a bad mom....he had a great time and actually took a nap that day. But we can't always find that level of stimulation every day.
to amke it worse, he is so stinking smart that we can't even SPELL in front of him, let alone talk, because he understands and repeats everything. He now knows what quite a few spelled-out words mean, and I had to stop spelling certain things because he repeats everything. I know he understands everything because later on he will tell you an entire story about soemthing that happened, and even describe things in a way that lets you know he understands what went on, but if you ask him a question, he freezes and just repeats whatever you said to him. But he is extremely intelligent. He knows dozens of songs word for word, soem after only hearing a few times. He knows almost all his letters and their sounds. He can count, spell his name, even tell you how to say things in Spanish. He loves to do "schoolwork' and even sits still for one on one workbook activity. But he is exhausting to be around.
Is this all just normal 2 year old stuff or what? Please don't get me wrong. I laugh so much because I have a child who can find the fun in just about anything. He is cute, and sweet, and loves me to death, and I swear I don't know what I'd do without him. this is not a complaint about him. But he is exhausting us all...me, my bf, my parents, everyone. I'm noticing less and less offers to watch him or to have us over. Playdates are vanishing into thin air even as he begs me for friends to play with. Inevitabl if we go somewhere he breaks something, ro messes something up somehow. He;s clumsy too which makes me feel bad for him when he is *trying* to be "good" and still spills or breaks soemthing.
What am I doing wrong? Not disciplining him enough? Not enough boundaries? TOO strict and making him act out? We have a general routine we follow every day and I do watch what he eats.
) and other issues. But his environment is much more chaotic than ds's, even in spite of the instability we went through last year. His uncles' environment is abusive. But knowing that he has those issues and that ds' bio dad also has serious mental health issues and *I* have ADD and have battled depression/anxiety, I am always looking for ways to try to prevent those issues before ds even has to deal with them.
