Thats a lame title, sorry.
I am going to be adopting my foster son, and his 8 yr old sister. I have known her since July (when i was placed with my fson) but dont know her REALLY well. So far, she has spent one overnight with me, and i will be getting her for about four days during easter break. She really likes me alot, and when she was here she said she wanted to live with me...but i know alot of that is just her wanting to be agreeable.
She is a kid who always tries to stay happy or silly and doesnt show alot of sad or mad feelings. She has stuffed all her hurt down inside, and i hope to get her into individual therapy after she comes to live with me (she was in family therapy at the agency for over a year, with her mom, but she cant express those types of feelings around her mom so that seems kind of pointless.)
One issue i'm having, is the FM that she is living with took it upon herself to tell fd that TPR went through, in a VERY casual way...i was pretty irritated about that. She has been asking fd quite regularly "where do you want to live? Who do you want to live with? Do you want to stay here or live with your brother??" She says sometimes fd says she wants to live here, sometimes she says she wants to stay.
I think its really inappropriate she is talking to her about these things, in the manner she is doing it (without sensitivity just very casual)...the foster care worker seemed VERY unhappy when i told her, but i guess she didnt talk to her about it. I tried to tell her to please stop asking where she wants to live (because ultimately she doesnt get a say, the adoption worker will make that decision)...she JUST turned 8 years old. The fm had an attitude and said the adoption worker told her she'd ask fd so why shouldnt she ask her??
So i guess my question is, after she comes home to me for good....how should we talk about these issues? About losing her mom, about adoption which she seems to not really understand.
I am going to be adopting my foster son, and his 8 yr old sister. I have known her since July (when i was placed with my fson) but dont know her REALLY well. So far, she has spent one overnight with me, and i will be getting her for about four days during easter break. She really likes me alot, and when she was here she said she wanted to live with me...but i know alot of that is just her wanting to be agreeable.
She is a kid who always tries to stay happy or silly and doesnt show alot of sad or mad feelings. She has stuffed all her hurt down inside, and i hope to get her into individual therapy after she comes to live with me (she was in family therapy at the agency for over a year, with her mom, but she cant express those types of feelings around her mom so that seems kind of pointless.)
One issue i'm having, is the FM that she is living with took it upon herself to tell fd that TPR went through, in a VERY casual way...i was pretty irritated about that. She has been asking fd quite regularly "where do you want to live? Who do you want to live with? Do you want to stay here or live with your brother??" She says sometimes fd says she wants to live here, sometimes she says she wants to stay.
I think its really inappropriate she is talking to her about these things, in the manner she is doing it (without sensitivity just very casual)...the foster care worker seemed VERY unhappy when i told her, but i guess she didnt talk to her about it. I tried to tell her to please stop asking where she wants to live (because ultimately she doesnt get a say, the adoption worker will make that decision)...she JUST turned 8 years old. The fm had an attitude and said the adoption worker told her she'd ask fd so why shouldnt she ask her??
So i guess my question is, after she comes home to me for good....how should we talk about these issues? About losing her mom, about adoption which she seems to not really understand.
) in such a casual way makes me so mad and shows just how clueless she is. I just hate to think even more damage is being done before she can get here.
