Anyone with a young babe who DOESN'T want to be held a lot?

[jennybear]

DD is 3 months and I had done so much reading on the concept of the 4th trimester/that young babies need to be held all the time/etc. that it took me forever to figure out that when she's fussy it's often because she wants DOWN. She loves nothing more than to be on the ground kicking away and throwing her arms around--she just squeals in delight. When I hold her for more than a bit, she seems to get frustrated because she wants to be moving and exploring. We've transitioned from holding her during dinner to letting her lay on the dining room table, lol.

I had also planned on baby wearing all the time, but again, she really would rather be checking stuff out (though she does great in carriers when we're out of the house). In general, she's just an incredibly easy/happy baby, but I'm feeling...somewhat less AP than I planned on or something? In some ways, I wish she was a little more needy and snuggly.

Anyway, would love to hear the experiences of others. All I keep hearing/reading about is how important a ton of physical contact is for young babies (and really, she's probably getting more of that than a lot of babies as is), but I don't want to force her in arms if she's not happy there.

Advice? Reassurance?

[sewaneecook]

Doing things the AP way doesn't entail holding a baby X amount of time each and every day, it's more about listening to your baby to see what is needed! It sounds like you are listening to your DD's needs very well.

DS1 wanted to be held all day, every day (and still would at 3.5 years old!) and DS2 is much more independent and would rather play on the floor and explore. Once he started crawling he wanted to be held a bit more (stranger anxiety set in), but he's still the complete opposite of his big brother.

[sunnygir1]

Ds doesn't want to be held as much as dd did. He also decided around 4 months that he hated baby carriers...I hope that changes when he can be on my back because he's getting heavy and we can't take the stroller everywhere!

My mama says that when I was a baby I would nurse and then cry until she put me down. She thinks I had hypersensitive skin and didn't want to be touched too much (because that's how I was as a child too).

I agree with the pp that AP is about responding to your child's needs and desires, not necessarily holding him/her all the time.

[octobermom]

first was a lot like this she did like to be held and such but when shes was ready to sleep leave her alone when shes was ready to play put her down (loves to kick and look) prefered a stroller to say a sling we did both breast and bottle and she learned to hold the bottle pretty early and then insisted on doing it herself.. Sehs alwasy been my highly independant one sometiems to a stubborn point as she has to examin everything herself.
This one however is a deffinate snuggler and prefers to be carried though she sleeps better "alone" Thats the one trait this entire family seems to have.

Deanna

[em123]

My son is 15 months now, but he was like this from a very young age. He did not like being held/cuddled too often, he seemed to prefer playing on his tummy or his back. I've learned to let him lead, and to this day he is incredibly independent. The only times he wants to (and lets me!) cuddle him is when he's very tired or sick. He is always on the move, always climbing, running, etc. and I think the wanting to see what his body could do without being held was an early sign of this. He also walked early at 10 months, so he's always been physical and hates being restrained.

I sometimes wish I had that snuggly baby I imagined, but he's a fantastic, outgoing kid now. When we go out he'll go play with other kids and adults with no problems. I totally understand feeling like it's not as you pictured, we bought so many slings that went mostly unused. But I bet you are going to have an awesome independent lady very soon!

[Xavismom]

Originally Posted by jennybear

I had also planned on baby wearing all the time, but again, she really would rather be checking stuff out (though she does great in carriers when we're out of the house). In general, she's just an incredibly easy/happy baby, but I'm feeling...somewhat less AP than I planned on or something? In some ways, I wish she was a little more needy and snuggly.

Anyway, would love to hear the experiences of others. All I keep hearing/reading about is how important a ton of physical contact is for young babies (and really, she's probably getting more of that than a lot of babies as is), but I don't want to force her in arms if she's not happy there.

Advice? Reassurance?

I so get what you are saying!! I did all the reading/research while I was pregnant too, and I envisioned myself wearing DS all day, around the house, and anywhere else we decided to go. But DS hates being worn. Had a sleepy wrap... hated it after he was about 3 weeks old. Bought a ring sling... never been able to carry him in it, he screams before I even GET him in it all the way. Bought a babyhawk... this he will tolerate for about 15 min before he gets upset and starts squiming and fussing.

Now his stroller... OMG he absolutely loves his stroller. He is happy as a clam in it, plays with toys, or just watches me, or passes out and sleeps like a little angel. I did not think I would be the Mama with the baby in the stroller... but I am because thats what DS likes. Its hard though, I have this hang up that I am not doing what I feel like I 'should' even though I am doing what he wants... I SO need to get past feeling like that, but its hard because I want to wear him so badly Sounds really silly too... but today we went to the mall, and DS was in his stroller, and I saw two mamas babywearing... I felt SO guilty. I had to keep reminding myself that DS loves his stroller, and its what he wants, and that no one is judging me to be a bad mama because I'm not carrying him.

Other than the babywearing/stroller thing, DS does love being held. But he is SO heavy and my arms get so tired.. I'm not sure what he weighs right now, but he was 14.5 Ibs @ 2 mo. Sometimes when he doesnt want to be put down, but wants to be held... or when we are out and about, and I have to take him out of his stroller and hold him in my arms while walking to nurse him.. I just think.. CHILD, why oh WHY cant you like Mama to wear you!! It would make things so much easier!

[cheryllynn]

Yup - my DD tolerates a carrier or sling for about 10 minutes and then wants OUT. It took me awhile when she was younger to figure out that she wanted DOWN. Now it's on my list of 'what to do when Olivia cries' for the nanny/babysitter. Now that DD is 10+ months old, it's easier to figure it out because she turns into a wiggle worm and it's obvious she's squirming to get down. I was surprised as well as I kept hearing about babies that were worn all the time and fussed when put down. That lasted for about eight - 10 weeks with my DD.

Now she plays this game though - she wiggles to get down, then turns around and cries to be held, the wiggles to get down... We just do what she's asking so it's up - down - up - down. I think she's just tired and trying to figure out how to get comfy. Not long after this exercise she is sleeping.