Ah, where to start?
I fought infertility for 13 years until I FINALLY had a beautiful baby boy in Feb 2008, that is the reason of my name newmom 0208
He left me for a co-worker when the baby was 8 months old.
It was super hard, the pain, the hurt and adapting to single mothering overnight, particularly because I admit he did a lot of the work around the house and taking care of the baby.
About 4 months later i was doing great, really detached and I felt over the world. I no longer felt incomplete, my son and i were family, nothing was missing. I had arranged for him to pick him up Sundays at 7 am and drop him 8pm same day. I had him the other 6 days and every night. It was perfect for me!
He managed to sneak back into my life during a time where I was very sick and I didn't like bothering my friends, so I took his help. Before I knew it we were living together and I was pregnant again.
I lost my little Sweet Pea at 5 weeks.
Fast forward to January 2010, I got pregnant again. I lost sweet Sunflower Seed at 9 weeks. I was still mourning that loss when i learned last Wednesday that he never left the co-worker.
I was no longer upset, just deeply disappointed and disgusted. I calmly told him I was no longer interested in a relationship with him, to please go and leave the key.
I really wish I had ended it last time with my son at 8 months. Now he is two and the second night i had to face his fears for the future, he was waking up screeching, I never heard something like that. He would asked me for a hug just to push me away as soon as I got closer, he he moved his feet in desperation. Eventually he felt sleep exhausted just to repeat the same two more times that night. A friend of mine who has a psychology degree and knows a lot about children behavior though her work with foster kids explained me how 'normal' this was and suggested I made the process slower. So I ask his dad to come over a few minutes before bed time so my son could see him and play calm games or watch TV. It did the trick.
Now I am left to grieve my miscarriages and the loss of my marriage and dreams and feeling so damn stupid for putting myself back here. i am healing much faster this time, but I have to go through a lot of the logistic again. Thanks God I kept the finances separate and I even asked him not to use MY bedroom other than to sleep on it, all his stuff was kept on a separate bedroom. We need to arrange the son arrangements again and the child support. my lawyer recommended I tried to get agreements before I introduce divorce because he will be more willing to negotiate.
I am so drained but now he is very compliant, this is my time to try to get a fair deal.
1) Belongings: it should be easy, whatever is on his room is his, the rest is mine
2) Child visitations: Sunday from 7am to 8pm, this he accepted already, I also want him to pick up his son Tuesday and Thursday from preschool (this is around 5:30pm) and drop him home at 8pm. He can not keep him overnight because he starts work at 6:00AM
3)Child support. I want him to pay half tuition and to provide diapers and food for the times he has the kid. In the past I provided this.
Can you guide me so some resources to know what else to get agreed upon now? I think there is a sticky about it. I want to cover the basics in the following weeks while is is such eager to please. From last time I know he will get bitter and bitter as time pass by.
i am overwhelmed... Please pray for clarity and that I can stay fair and mature. Please pray for healing as well.
I fought infertility for 13 years until I FINALLY had a beautiful baby boy in Feb 2008, that is the reason of my name newmom 0208
He left me for a co-worker when the baby was 8 months old.
It was super hard, the pain, the hurt and adapting to single mothering overnight, particularly because I admit he did a lot of the work around the house and taking care of the baby.
About 4 months later i was doing great, really detached and I felt over the world. I no longer felt incomplete, my son and i were family, nothing was missing. I had arranged for him to pick him up Sundays at 7 am and drop him 8pm same day. I had him the other 6 days and every night. It was perfect for me!
He managed to sneak back into my life during a time where I was very sick and I didn't like bothering my friends, so I took his help. Before I knew it we were living together and I was pregnant again.
I lost my little Sweet Pea at 5 weeks.
Fast forward to January 2010, I got pregnant again. I lost sweet Sunflower Seed at 9 weeks. I was still mourning that loss when i learned last Wednesday that he never left the co-worker.
I was no longer upset, just deeply disappointed and disgusted. I calmly told him I was no longer interested in a relationship with him, to please go and leave the key.
I really wish I had ended it last time with my son at 8 months. Now he is two and the second night i had to face his fears for the future, he was waking up screeching, I never heard something like that. He would asked me for a hug just to push me away as soon as I got closer, he he moved his feet in desperation. Eventually he felt sleep exhausted just to repeat the same two more times that night. A friend of mine who has a psychology degree and knows a lot about children behavior though her work with foster kids explained me how 'normal' this was and suggested I made the process slower. So I ask his dad to come over a few minutes before bed time so my son could see him and play calm games or watch TV. It did the trick.
Now I am left to grieve my miscarriages and the loss of my marriage and dreams and feeling so damn stupid for putting myself back here. i am healing much faster this time, but I have to go through a lot of the logistic again. Thanks God I kept the finances separate and I even asked him not to use MY bedroom other than to sleep on it, all his stuff was kept on a separate bedroom. We need to arrange the son arrangements again and the child support. my lawyer recommended I tried to get agreements before I introduce divorce because he will be more willing to negotiate.
I am so drained but now he is very compliant, this is my time to try to get a fair deal.
1) Belongings: it should be easy, whatever is on his room is his, the rest is mine
2) Child visitations: Sunday from 7am to 8pm, this he accepted already, I also want him to pick up his son Tuesday and Thursday from preschool (this is around 5:30pm) and drop him home at 8pm. He can not keep him overnight because he starts work at 6:00AM
3)Child support. I want him to pay half tuition and to provide diapers and food for the times he has the kid. In the past I provided this.
Can you guide me so some resources to know what else to get agreed upon now? I think there is a sticky about it. I want to cover the basics in the following weeks while is is such eager to please. From last time I know he will get bitter and bitter as time pass by.
i am overwhelmed... Please pray for clarity and that I can stay fair and mature. Please pray for healing as well.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hold on, I'm sure others with relevant experience will come help you along with your questions.
and am sending you healing 
Going through that and a divorce and learning of partner infidelity must be so difficult. 
