Hair care - whose decision? (10 year old) - Page 3

[MusicianDad]

My suggestion comes from babymomma who has hair that tangles very easily.

I say, get the tangles out and try having her wear it in a braid to bed. Since it's bound up in a way that keeps it relatively controlled at night, there are far less tangles in the morning. Babymomma went from having to spend at least 5 to 10 minutes getting tangles out in the morning to being able to brush it pretty easily when she started wearing a braid to bed. I also know she tried different styles for night time, apparently two braids are best for back sleepers and one braid is best for side sleepers.

[magpie mamma]

I could have written this post about my DD, almost 12. She has a very sensitve head and brushing is very hard for her. With long thick hair, with a bit of a wave, it tangles. She dances and wants/needs it long to put it a bun so cutting it is not a solution she is happy with, although she does not dance in the summer, so it gets somewhat cut then. I have learned to accept the messy hair, most of the time. I figure it is not worth the battle every day. She knows when it gets bad and then we get it taken care of again. (about every 3-4 days) I get tired of the cycle that doesn't change and am amazed she is willing to sit so long while I get the tangles out. I mostly figure that when she gets a bit older, she will take more interest in her appearance, and I may miss the days of little to no primping. I wonder if there will be peer pressure or how she will feel when she looks back at photographs? I wonder what others think about how she looks? She has always been so confident and self-assured about herself, I just don't want to keep pushing and cause doubt, so we draw the line at hair that is not greasy, and I accept the messy pony tail as she hurries off to school.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by ananas

Yup, totally agree with this post. I can't count the number of women I've met with hair down past their waists because they're afraid to have it cut because of a traumatic hair cutting incident when they were younger. I know people in their 20's who still shed tears at getting a tiny bit trimmed off.

This kind of resonates with me, except that I have hair past my waist (just barely *sigh*) that I don't get trimmed, because hairdressers all think I'd look better with a "good cut", and they make me tense. I'd have it as long as it would grow, no matter what, but I'd keep it a bit more neatly if hairdressers hadn't hacked it in the past. (The last "trim" I got was about 20 years ago. She took off a foot.)

[CookiePie]

Hmm, I guess your dd is opposite of my dd who showers daily washing brushing through, blowing it out, curling or straightening, pulling back her hair away from her face, & just playing with her hair every morning in front of the mirror for almost an hour, until her hair is just right! Oh & begging for a trim when she see the slightest dry ends!

[happysmileylady]

One thing I haven't seen mentioned, make sure you are getting regular trims too. Takl to the hairdresser to see what they recommend, , but regular trims will help. Hair with split end tangles much more easily, in my experience.

[bronxmom]

This is/was my daughter. She just turned 11, has very long, thick but fine, and curly hair. It was constantly knotted. I would say for a good 2-3 years she had chronic rats nests that sometimes took up her entire head. We would go through these gigantic multi-hour detangling sessions every couple of months and then not want to deal. I tried to get her to brush her hair but she was also sensitive. My friends and family were always complaining. Anyways, on New Year's eve of this year, her best friend and cousins spent the evening getting her hair out and beautiful. Ever since then she has kept it in perfect condition and if it starts to get a little tangly she'll ask me for help. But otherwise she keeps it perfect. It's been 5 months. Something shifted in her and she was ready to take care of it. I'm glad I waited. It's so great to see her having taken control of the situation because she was ready.

[ces]

When dd was little I had a friend who insisted that she'd keep her daughter's hair short 'until she could take care of it herself.' That never quite seemed fair. I care for the rest of her, why not her hair? My own preference was to keep it short, for my ease of caring for it, but when she hit 4, she insisted she wanted it long. I agreed, as long as she, or I, kept it brushed and out of her face. She's now 10 and has only recently taken on the daily brushing. Until then I brushed it. I still help get it back or braid it two or three days a week. It's thick and long and beautiful and tangly as all get-out, but she loves it long.

I don't think it's micromanaging to insist that it looks decent, especially if I'm willing to help. But if she won't accept help and she won't maintain it,then I think it's ok to cut it. Personal hygiene isn't optional for most functional humans; if I'm teaching my child to be a functional human, I expect her to accept the basic expectations of personal hygiene.

ces

[quest4quiet]

We had these same issues starting at around this age. DD's hair is super-thick and wavy. She would get these rat's nests at the nape of her neck. She's also very tender headed, which turned everything into a battle. It's amazing how something as simple as hair brushing can be so emotionally draining. I finally gave the haircut ultimatum. We also found Goody ouchless brushes. http://www.amazon.com/Goody-Ouchless.../dp/B000KOOCQO They are fantastic. The bristles retract slightly when they hit a tangle and don't pull as much. Between the brush and the No More Tangles, she says it's pretty painless now.

BTW, last year, her hair was blue

[ctdoula]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I put my foot down. You take care of it or it gets cut.

Your dd is old enough to take care of it, but IMO she is young enough to need reminders. Also she still might need help knowing how to do it correctly. Allow enough time in the morning to do it.

I agree 100% In our home, we don't leave the house w/out our teeth brushed & hair brushed & up (out of face, which usually means pony tail, braids, barrettes, etc). My dd's had hair from mid back to chin & every where in between. If she wants in long, that's fine, but it MUST be taken care of, or it's cut.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

been there too with dd2......absolute BEST product (inexpensive) is Infusium23 leave in conditioner. I am telling you that it was a total lifesaver!!! Just spritz it in either wet OR dry.......amazing. And it leaves hair soooo soft! We sometimes use the wide-tooth comb in the shower and comb through regular conditioner. We also did the loose braid at bed-time then more recently moved to long layers.......
Try the Infusium23(available at most any store)......spray directly onto tangles and the pick or comb just slides through like magic!

[19spitfire]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Not quite that bad since longer hair drops out less than short hair.

Joensally, it sounds like you have a good plan in place. If you do have problems with tangles in the future, I've found that combing in the shower helps a lot. The water running through the hair really aids the comb. As in, a section of hair that a wide tooth comb wouldn't move more than an inch in can be combed the whole length by a fine tooth comb.

Combing in the shower was the answer for my dd. She also has fine, thick, long hair. And last year, when she was 10, we were having the same issues (maybe it's an age thing). I decided not to make it a battle and instead make it a challenge for US, not HER.
She would shower and comb through her hair while the conditioner was in it twice a week. I would check when she got out to make sure the knots and conditioner were out. If they weren't I would say something like "I want you to be able to have long nice hair and I know you do to. So you should get back in the shower and comb (or rinse) until the knots (or conditioner) are out". Then each morning she would brush her hair and I would check to make sure all the knots were out. If they weren't I would help her.
I find that understanding that kids are just learning and sometimes need help to learn is the best method. Sometimes we braided at night, but with a baby around that didn't last long. Really, I think the combing in the shower and me helping her learn to care for her hair was what worked. Good Luck!