5yo anxiety (OCD?) / upset - what would you say?

[flitters]

hi,

one handed typing - other arm wrapped around ds on my lap.

he has a history of anxiety, which has evolved to center around mainly 2 things: sensory stuff (he's been in OT since January) and change.

change is the big one and that is why he is sobbing right now.

this particular episode has to do with a computer game - he was playing bejeweled which has some puzzles and as you solve the groups of five, the planets turn from orange to green. anyway, he solved most of them and now there are only two orange planets and he wants his galaxy map back the way it was.

we've had other issues like this when he accidentally rearranged the desktop icons, or when we got new counter tops, or a new roof, or removing old stinky carpet, or that he won't wear new shoes, or that he is completely distressed about the upcoming new carseat, or... almost any kind of environmental change like that.

generally, it doesn't take too long to come to terms with the new thing and accept it once he has this huge meltdown, but i'm looking for advice on what to say. i've read the book "freeing your child from anxiety" (or close title to that) and it has given us some tools to discuss his worry alarm, but he is not very accepting of that concept in himself (though readily identifies it in others) and it doesn't seem like a direct match for this where he isn't worried, he's just miserable, but well outside the bounds of normal response for something like this. (i mean, this is kind of normal for him, but not for any other kids we know).

so, any advice on what to say to respond to this kind of massive meltdown over a change, trivial or not so trivial? i talked him through what happened, and i've just been holding him since.

[oddly, he has been amazingly fine with the whole future sibling thing and i really don't think that is related to these other issues.]

thanks foor any advice!

[mrsfru]

[oddly, he has been amazingly fine with the whole future sibling thing and i really don't think that is related to these other issues.]

What follows is not to be the voice of negativity--just to offer another perspective on the new baby, so if it isn't as well received, you won't be totally blind-sided:

So was our ds--until his younger brother got old enough to get into his stuff, chase him, annoy him, be louder than him, disrupt his peace and quiet, etc. They don't really "get" it until that baby is crawling and grabbing stuff. We found the children's books by Dr. Sears about the new baby and nursing the new baby to be VERY helpful--and we were given, literally, a dozen books about having a new baby and being a big brother. Many of them stunk...and overemphasized the possible negatives and negative feelings that a child could have, which didn't make ds feel great about the upcoming baby.

Besides all of that, he may not exactly have the words to express those strong emotions.

Our ds struggles w/change of some things, and when he does, he reacts like your ds...I can really empathize. I don't really know how to help him communicate those feelings and deal w/the anxiety that well either. We're learning.

Best wishes and congrats on the new baby on the way!

mrsfru

[flitters]

After doing some more research, I finally found some information that will hopefully help us find more tools to help with this. Until now, I hadn't associated this directly with what I know of OCD (and ds really doesn't have compulsions, except for perfectionistic tendencies which can sometimes manifest as repetitive).

This article framed it well:
http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/ocdchild.asp

"There is often a severe fear of change in those contracting the problem young, any sort of change from people going away to moving the TV a few inches."

Anyway, just wanted to bump and add that bit of info.

And I just ordered Tamar Chansky's Freeing Your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so hopefully that will have some helpful suggestions too.

[flitters]

Oh - crosspost!

Hi mrsfru and thanks for the reply!

It's funny you should mention the "getting into his stuff". Dh and I have already been trying to think of how to deal with this as it was a huge issue for dh with his younger brother. I do suspect this will be a problem, but hopefully we'll be able to navigate it.

I'm sure there will be difficult times (loudness was another one we have already given some thought to) and some adjustment, but we were expecting him to tell us to make the baby go away for the entire pregnancy, and instead, he's pretty interested and accepting of the whole thing. (This, from the child who, upon seeing his friends become older siblings, told us for 2 years that he wanted a family of just a mommy and daddy and one boy. We never asked him if he wanted a sibling - for a long time he just made it clear he didn't. Another change-resistance example was when we were getting the barn ready for the alpacas and ds was SOOO against getting the alpacas for the months leading up to it, had a major meltdown when they arrived, then by two days later, loved them.) So I am immensely relieved about ds' response to pregnancy and future-sibling.

I guess I mostly wanted to mention that his anti-change thing is of a different origin and has been evolving for a long time. I think our moving just prior to his 3rd birthday was also very stressful for him and had a profound impact on him.

Oh - And thank you for the warm wishes and the Dr. Sears book recommendation - I'll check it out.