Anyone raise a newborn alone?

[mamacassafrass]

I am coming to grips with the fact that in July I will be bringing home a newborn and 100% of the care responsibility will be mine, along with taking care of a 7 year old. I have NO family in the area, very few living relatives at all in fact. My girlfriends have job/babies/responsibilities of their own. I just looked online and found an article written by a mother who took care of twins alone, so that made me feel like YES I can do this! Other articles suggest having a family member or friend come stay with you, but that is unlikely in my situation. I could use some encouragement, tips, and personal stories to help me plan for the arrival of my little one! Thanks!

[FourTrees]

I did! He's 16 months old now. It definitely gets lonely and exhausting, but you can do it. I recommend doing anything you need to do to get sleep - like cosleeping. I felt like the newborn and early period was actually a lot easier than it is now. Now he can tear all the toys out in the blink of an eye and throws tantrums to walk while grocery shopping. lol In the early days he slept a lot and I was able to get my homework done while he slept in my lap. Now it is more difficult to fit enough time into the day to do what I need to do. But regardless of how the challenges vary at the different stages in their life, it is all doable if you are creative.

I think your 7 year old will be a big help! They are really good at entertaining babies while you cook or shower.

My family all lives within 15 minutes, but they don't help. I've had two date nights in the past two years and the only other time I've been away from him was to take a few proctored exams. Try to find someone who can babysit if you find you need some free time. That is honestly my biggest wish now that he is older. In the beginning I had no desire at all to be away from him, but now I'm feeling more comfortable with it and really need a break occasionally.

But take it from me - it is very unlikely that you'll need someone to stay with you. You can handle this! Just sleep when baby sleeps and it will all be ok! Oh - and invest in a good sling!

[mamacassafrass]

Thanks! I'm definately into co sleeping and my 7 year old is very nurturing by nature and is already helping! "is the baby hungry for ice cream?" Lol. Was it hard the first week like when you first had to get groceries? My friend has offered her 14 year old to baby sit her place or mine and her other daughter is my daughter's age so they play so that's my one decent emergency resource (she also has 3 others including a baby, bless her heart). Did you labor alone? How did you get to the hospital? Did you drive yourself home? Did you fix up the baby room by yourself? Thanks for your storY!

[FourTrees]

I actually had help with a lot of those things... I worked 50 hours per week and had three college classes at the time, so I had to ask for help. My sister and her husband helped set up the babies room (that we never used). My mom drove me to the hospital two hours away with my sister in the back seat. My cousin met us there, so I had them with me while I labored. I will readily admit it was at that point that I realized exactly how scared I was of doing it all alone. I held it all in and played the tough girl role until my water broke and then I turned into a baby. lol But, once you get to the pushing part it is all you think of and you forget everything else. Then of course once you see the baby, you'll never miss having a man around for sure! My sister came back to the hospital to pick us up and bring us home. Are you planning on laboring alone? Is there any chance of being able to hire a doula?

From that point, I drove myself and have done everything alone. He started seeing a chiropracter when he was two days old and his well checks were an hour away. Groceries were easy - he was really happy in his sling. If he needed to nurse, I just found a spot to sit...

How sweet that your daughter is already such a good big sister! I am so glad you have the help of the 14 year old too. I think that will really come in handy!

[eckmannl]

First of all, get a birth doula! You deserve support during your labor. I was lucky enough to have a very supportive family. You may also benefit from some postpartum doula help. Check into the doula services in your area. You can most likely find a no or low cost doula in both the labor and postpartum fields, depending on your situation. Many doulas who are starting out will work for next to nothing in order to get their certification (I did!) Do a search and call every single doula that comes up in your area, explain your situation and ask if they can help.
When I had my kids, I did a baby room the first time around, then the second one ended up just sleeping in my room so I didn't have any worries about that. You should not drive yourself to or from the hospital. Maybe your friend's 14yo can watch your dd and she can drive you to the hospital? Or you could ask your doula.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

You can do it. I was single while I was preggo too. My sling became my best friend. I learned how to nurse in it, so I went EVERYWHERE for the first few months. I even bought those putty ear plugs that go outside your ear, not in the ear canal and brought DS to the movies with me. I put him in the sling, let him nurse while I walked, sat at a movie, shopped for groceries, etc, and we did everything. I was so determined to make contact with the outside world, that I made it work, and surprisingly it did.

I also had a doula at DS's birth. She was getting her certification, and had to attend three births at no charge, so she didn't cost me anything. She was ok, but my labor and birth were extremely hard on both me and her, so that was part of it. Definitely check to see if any doulas in training are trying to get some pro-bono births in before their certification.

You can do it mama!

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by mamacassafrass

I am coming to grips with the fact that in July I will be bringing home a newborn and 100% of the care responsibility will be mine, along with taking care of a 7 year old. I have NO family in the area, very few living relatives at all in fact. My girlfriends have job/babies/responsibilities of their own. I just looked online and found an article written by a mother who took care of twins alone, so that made me feel like YES I can do this! Other articles suggest having a family member or friend come stay with you, but that is unlikely in my situation. I could use some encouragement, tips, and personal stories to help me plan for the arrival of my little one! Thanks!

I did; I also finished my BA and worked full-time while doing it. I paid a friend to babysit him in the evenings two nights a week but that was the only support I had. He's four now and we moved from one region of the country to another (where I still have no support) when I was laid off from my job. I found a new one but it took us four moves before we settled in our house. The last few years have been very...interesting, to say the least.

[singin'intherain]

I did it, too. The first year was very hard for me, but it was my first, and I didn't know enough to avoid some mistakes. Like I should have slept with her during the day- I refused to nap which was a disaster! And I should have made more of an effort to socialize- I was exhausted and lonely, so I got depressed, so I didn't feel like I could get out or do anything for myself, etc. I suggest you be absolutely unbending about taking care of yourself as best you can- nutrition, rest, exercise, hot baths, yoga, whatever it takes. It's so easy for your needs to snowball when you don't have a backup.

You need at least one friend who your baby knows really well so that it's not a big deal for you to leave her with them. That way you won't have to wait until it's an emergency before you get a break. We all know how bad things are when mamas are having an emergency!

I know you can do this! Look how many of us just here are doing it! It's totally doable and beautiful. You and your kids are going to be such a little team!

[MomofMusa]

Oh, yes.. I did it.. The love of my life is 2 yrs old now.. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[organicpapayamama]

yup, btdt. He is almost 2 now. And I plan on doing it again in may this time by choice. you can most def do it! I think I am a better mom for having gone through it. and it also made me confident that I could do it again by choice.

[cycle]

Yes, and he is five now! It was actually much easier when he was a baby then it is now. We co-slept and I exclusively breastfed so I actually got a lot of sleep. I wore him in a sling when I needed to be mobile. I had no help at all, no family nearby. I made sure that we got out, when he was about 8 weeks old we started going to baby massage and yoga classes and continued on through toddler classes with the same moms and babies. I also had a doula and I highly recommend that you hire one so that you have someone with you during birth and afterward. You can do it!

[betony707]

Absolutely!!! Mine is 1 year in July. Not to say it was easy, but it was no where near as difficult as I was led to believe, and I never had a point where I felt it was too hard to handle. Totally agree with the cosleeping -its the only way I get any sleep! I have VERY little help as well - My sister was supposed to be my babysitter but she got pregnant and was on bedrest until last week, so I have only left him for very short periods with my mom- I have never been away from him for more than 15 minutes, and I am not tired of him yet! It is so worth it and has really made me a better person, and I couldn't love my son more! Good luck - I am sure you will do a great job

[zebra15]

Yes! Ds is 9 now. I worked full time, had a sitter, and really didnt know any better. I spent a week in the hospital and literally came home running. The day I came home I had to get groceries, mail, pay bills, etc etc etc. i took the full 12 week mat leave and it was totally worth it for me.

9 1/2 years later DS is self sufficient, homeschooled and some how it still all works out.

[baby1november2010]

OMG, thank you for this post, I really needed to read that.

[feminist~mama]

I did it too! My DD is 11 1/2 now!

It wasn't as bad as I feared- I didn't have any family within 6 hours, so no help there. I was blessed with some good friends who were able to help some.

I did do her nursery by myself, and just kept it low-key- no painting or anything like that! I had a friend who went to childbirth classes with me and another friend who took me to the hospital.

Postpartum wasn't terrible, and I had a section! I lived within walking distance to the grocery, so that was easy- I just took my DD with me. We co-slept and breastfed and hung out at home a lot. I was a bit lonely at times and SO VERY BROKE. I think that was the worst part for me, I was so worried about $$, especially in the first couple weeks.

Honestly, it worked out fine for me. I'm due in a few weeks with my 2nd and I'm actually a bit freaked out about all these other people who are going to want to spend time with the baby too- like my partner and my daughter! Lol- sort of sick, isn't it? It's just hard for me to imagine doing it a different way I guess...

You'll be fine. and congratulations!

[LoveOhm]

I have family close by that would give their life for my daughter but she is mine and especially when she was young I did ALL the caregiving of her. My mom took family leave for two weeks and felt she was not needed but she did the laundry, cooked, etc. which helped a TON. But you can cook and freeze in advance, you can let the laundry pile up till you have no panties left, etc.

I don't encourage anyone parent completely without help. I parent solo, but believe in building a support system ---- which I am lucky to be establishing now. (It took me a while to be open to having help and seeking it out.) Either you find that support in family, friends, mom's groups, etc. or you pay a sitter for that help.

[MittensKittens]

I did it... twice. In a country I did not grow up in. When my DD was born, I didn't speak the language properly, and did not have a support network at all. The relatives geographically nearest were 2,000 miles away . I didn't experience the baby stage as hard, really. When they become toddlers it gets a bit more challenging, as you can't just take them everywhere and they'll be happy as long as they can nurse and be carried around.

Not only can you do it, but you can also thrive and enjoy yourself a lot! My perspective is slightly different as I am a solo mom by choice, so I knew and planned to do it by myself right from the outset. I had a homebirth with a midwife, and then a UC with my second, but if you are birthing in a hospital I would definitely recommend a doula for support.

MDC is a great place for mental support, so I hope you stick around!

[justmama]

I did it. I raised a newborn preemie with a JUST turned 3 year old(2 days after her preemie baby sister was born) and a 7 year old at home as well. It was not easy. But we all made it mostly without blood, with lots of tears, and she's 2 now. So I think I've done admirably well.

I came home 20hours after giving birth and was home alone doing diaper laundry and washing dishes and making dinner with my older two(baby in nicu) and put one on the bus the next morning and headed up to the hospital to feed the baby with a toddler in tow. You just somehow keep plugging along. You have to hit the ground running or life will run you over. Having a trusted friend or family member come by the house 2 times a week or more if possible to sit with the baby while you jump in the shower is a great plus if you can swing it. Everything else pretty much can be done with baby in the sling or in arms but showers are done best solo and hard to manage with a baby and other kids around.

[swellmomma]

Yup twice now. I had my 3rd as a single mom by choice when my older two were 4 & 5. We came home 48 hours after birth and I ran errands, cooked dinner, played with the kids etc. The next time the kids were 4, 8 and 9 I spent a week in the hospittal while baby was in the nicu but came home with my feet running. For the first 2 weeks with her I spent a lot of time just sitting on the couch holding her. I was homeschooling by then so we did lots of read alouds for that week. After that we were into our full routine.

My family did not come to stay with me, they will occasionally watch the older 3, incl over nights at times but Ihave only just recently started leaving dd with my mom for short periods of time (and she is 2.5 yrs old) for things like dentist or dr appt.

I am still homeschooling all 4, and do not anticipate planning any more children as a single parent, but if I did get pregnant again while single I know we would be just fine on our own.

[corysmilk]

I did it! with my 12 year old DD, I knew I would be alone. but I had family help! my DS#1 's dad took him on the weekends and one day during the week.
when DD was 5 I had another baby, single again, I would love to say my family was there for me, but mostly they just judged me.
I made sure DD had lots of attention when she came home from school. I slept durning the day with DS#2. I only did one cleaning thing perday, some days it was the dishes, some days it was vacuming. and I never put myself down for having a messy house. I just figured if the kids are happy then its all worth it!
I co sleep, so that helps alot