all nerved up about ob and vbac ~long

[mamaflutter]

So I am 20 weeks along and I am freakin out about this ob group! I have tried to find out about them as much as I can but I can't find anything good about them. I was told by someone that in 5 yrs she has never heard about anyone having a sucessful vbac with them.this thurs I go for my only us and ill meet with another one of their dr there are so many! I just don't think this office is truely vbac friendly I get the let em think what they want and ill do what I want vibe from them. When I interviewed one of the drs I got a bad vibe from the start. When I asked her if they followed the progress on the hour philosophy she said no but we go by the labor curve. I took that and looked it up that is expecting 1.5 cm an hour during active labor! And they still practice this despite studies that show this is incorrect and outdated practice that leads to incresed cs rates. Ugh! Then when I asked her what would indicate a cs was unavoidable and she said decels ok fair. So I said u mean decels other than the normal decels expected during ctx and pushing. To which she said we could sit and debate what's normal and what's not all day but I spent years going to school for this and ill tell u what's normal. It could be just me but that sounds like there way out like if we just tell thease woman the babys in destress we can let them think they tried do our cs no liability on us either way. Is it just me being parinoid?
I had my dd vbac so I'm not really worried about the vbac itself more the being "allowed" to labor freely. My dd was born in a hosp but with a midwife who was great! She was there with me the whole time made sugestions but never pushed me to do anything I was checked a total of 3 times, once at the office once at the hosp and once after my waterbroke. When I screamed in pain she never once told me to be quiet, with ds they told me to be quiet I was scareing the other moms, she showed me how to make them productive taught me how to yell from deep down not in my chest and waste all that energy. It was a great experiance and I think in a way I mourn that experiance yk? I want that again so badly but no not with this insurance in this state. In ct state insurance dose not limit your options it covers everything! Cb classes homebirth birthing centers everything! It makes me want to go home to have this baby. And that's not an option. My mom says screw going to louisville she's not heard anything good either. She says to waite untill its too late for them to do anything but let me push and go to the local no vbac hosp. But she is really all for uc. A friend of hers bob mels wife sheila her water broke she labored for 10 days woke up one morning said bob if you want to see your son born get up hoped in the tub and had a healthy baby boy. I think I could do hb with a midwife but dh is terrified due to dd asperated mec and was in the nicu for 7 days. I keep trying to tell him how safe ect it is but the closest good nicu is in louisville. And state insurance dosent cover. Now the insurance thing is another problem. My dh just got a new job(yeah!) and they offer ins but not for 90days so I would be near the end and would need a new dr, the hosp dosent take it! So I am at a stressful crossroad rite now. What do I do? Deal with the dr I have? Fire them now? Push dh to hb and figuer out how to pay? Go to the local hosp close to time to push? But what if I go too soon? I just don't know and its driving me nuts! Any advice would be great! Thanks so much in advance.
Candi 26 mom 2 mj 9 juje 3 and one still cookin

[AustinMom]

Ok, you do have lots going on.

First, if you are uncomfortable with the practice you are with, I believe you should switch. I think that any husband would be supportive of this. It's your body, your who-ha parts that they are looking at and neither you, or him want to be pushed around when it comes to having your baby. You obviously are capable of giving birth, and you know what you body needs to do that, no stress, pressure, frequent exams, etc. I think if the two of you really sat down and had a serious discussion, if you haven't already, he will understand. From what you have wrote, you couldn't pay me to have a baby with that practice.

Second, maybe look into what the insurance will cover with the new job. So that way, you can pick a Dr (if y'all choose to still hospital birth), and at least interview with them, which should be free, and start some kind of relationship before switching to them. At this point you are still doing once a month prenatals, so you would only miss a few, and I'm sure you could call the nurse station and ask any questions you would have given your situation.

Third, if you do decide to home birth, which personally I would, have a sit down with hubby and a midwife. Have him go with you to interviews when you interview midwives so he can have HIS questions answered. Ask them what they do for meconium aspiration, what all they bring to birth, what they do in other complications, what their rates are, etc. Have him feel like his is part of this, so he doesn't feel like you are trying to "push" anything on him. Having a MW there for the HB discussion is good because you get the facts from one who practices in the field, has the studies, has the answers specific to what you want to know.

Fourth, talk to people in your area. Go to an ICAN meeting, regardless if you have already VBACed, get their advice too, take hubby with you, they have childcare there usually. Never underestimate the power of picking your provider. Especially in this situation. I'm sure if he went to a sit down with your current OB, and then with a MW, he'd see the difference. The way you, the baby, and HE will be treated through pregnancy and birth.

Fifth, if you have to birth in that hospital with that OB group, HIRE A DOULA. If hubby refuses to switch to HB, insist on a Doula as a compromise. She will help you "fight" the system for you, so you don't feel as threatened during birth, and help hubby feel more relaxed. If you hire a montrice (a Doula who also does medical stuff like monitoring and exams) you can labor at home, wait till 10 cm, and then go to hospital with her, and she can "doula you" there as well through pushing the baby out and pushing your way to a beautiful birth.

Much love, happy birthing!