The guy who stalked me has resurfaced - Page 2

[Labbemama]

Originally Posted by aggieP

You could also report him to facebook. Be good to yourself, he has no power over you.

Yeah that. If he's stalking you he may be doing this to other people.

Have you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBeck? It talks about trusting your instincts and how to deal with people like this. Less drastic than getting a firearm, but how about some pepper spray or taking a self defense class?

So sorry you are going thru this. Have a stalker of my own. And yeah his family is using facebook to monitor me so I just play mafia wars and post the most mundane things. LOL. I could use it though to plant false info and have been toying with the idea of posting "moving to another city far from this one."

[laohaire]

Reading what you wrote, I'm so angry at your mother on your behalf. She didn't protect you at all, and she's still not protecting you. She's not taking your safety seriously at all. It's like she's the big gaping hole in the defenses you've set up over the years. Sorry to add fuel to the fire, but at least I wanted you to feel justified about having the feelings you seem to have.

[LROM]

Originally Posted by Labbemama

So sorry you are going thru this. Have a stalker of my own. And yeah his family is using facebook to monitor me so I just play mafia wars and post the most mundane things. LOL. I could use it though to plant false info and have been toying with the idea of posting "moving to another city far from this one."

Absolutely, you should definitely start posting false info! Not only might it get them off your trail, it would be great if they expend energy trying to follow up and find out about your "changes" and that they got tired of doing it. Just make sure anyone at your or dh's job knows that you're not planning to go anywhere in case somehow those crazies try to ask questions at your work. Hopefully they don't know where you work, but if they did this would be important so nothing gets rattled at work.

[sebandg'smama]

Maybe someone has already posted this, but for those who have problems with facebook and privacy...there is a terrific function, you block the offending person. They can't see you anywhere, you can't see them.

-Melanie

[Heinleinesque]

Please reconsider your self-defense options. Firearms are a very practical way to maintain personal safety and you can have one safely in the house when you have children.

My stalker - the crazy boy I dated in high school - tried to break into my house one night 12 years later when my partner was out of town on business. Very luckily for me, he was completely inept and didn't manage to get in, but the police were less than useless ("We'll send someone around later tonight to take a report." "You don't understand, he is trying to pry the door open as we speak, do you hear that?" "Call us back if he does get in.") and I did some deep thinking and decided that my life and the lives of my family are worth defending. I have never regretted that decision and have become a self-defense advocate and activist and, while I never, ever, ever want to have to shoot anyone, I will not hesitate if my stalker shows up again and threatens me or my family.

[mamallama]

The update: I got really angry about how I have limited my life because of this guy. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but I changed it in hopes of making it harder for him to find me. I never used myspace. I didn't participate on facebook for years--I don't have a personal sense of loss over that (not a fan of social networking,) but I could have used it to promote my business and I didn't. While it hasn't always been in the front of my mind, I have lived looking over my shoulder for 22 years. Him stalking me has changed my life.

I sat with the anger for a couple of days. I thought hard about how much of my anger is related to my mother, and how much is on him.

I decided I've had enough of being powerless and fearful, and that I want and need resolution. I reactivated the facebook account, and responded to his wondering 'what if' message with a pared down version of the brilliant rant posted by GoBecGo. I said something like

"I sometimes wonder why the hell you stalked me like a freaking lunatic for 2 years and basically ruined a good portion of my teenage life. Today i wondered why you would contact me and why the hell you thought for even one second i would be in any way interested in you, your life, or anything at all you have to say. And right now i wonder if this hint is big enough for you or if I'll have to start notifying other people/agencies for you to get it that i don't want anything to do with you. Ever."

He responded with an "I'm sorry" message. He said he was young and stupid and that he's grown up. He's sorry he hurt me, it was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He said he just wanted to say hello, and now to say he's sorry.

I blocked him.

I told dh about it. He said I should change the settings back and keep the account active to give the guy the chance of warning us before he shows up on our doorstep. His advice made sense, so I did it.

I feel ok about the situation. I love that I was able to use someone else's voice to assert my boundaries. I got to say what I wanted to say, but I didn't have to expose any of my personality in doing it. Maintaining that distance--letting him know nothing about me, not even the words I would choose--is really important to me.

Thank you so much for the support and advice.

I sincerely hope this is the end of this story--because if I call the police because he's trying to pry open my door, and they do nothing, I will kill him with my bare hands (I'm really not getting a gun!)

[GoBecGo]

Ha! You rock! You are welcome to my words, and i know exactly what you mean about not even having to expose yourself to tell him to get lost. I'm so proud of you for telling him, in WHATEVER words, what you think of him. Nothing like a bit of honesty to change the world honey. xxxx