would this be asking too much? - Page 6

[4myfinn]

Oops! OP- I just read your most recent post and that you are done discussing this for now. I didn't mean to drag it back out. Good luck with this. I hope it works out for you!

[phathui5]

She has judged him & in her mind accused/convincted him of something that she can't even clarify.

Following your instincts means honoring a feeling that you can't clarify.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by mommia

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear that Linda. No of course no one should have made sure you weren't in their class... but your Dad most likely wasn't volunteering and driving children from your class, renting limos and going alone with bunches of little boys? That's the differance.

Still reading through, but I wanted to comment. STOP BUYING INTO STEREOTYPES! I really have a problem with the assumption that you can "see" who will be abusive. You can't, and that nice dad who plays checkers with his kids all the time may very well be abusing them at night. You just don't know. I know that makes the world a scarier place, but it's the truth.

My mother was president of the PTO for Pete's sake, and I was abused! The uncle who sexually abused multiple girls in my family was a baseball coach and a "great guy" who would "give anyone the shirt off his back."

I will admit that with my strong history of abuse, I don't have very finely tuned instincts. I'm careful with my children but more with logic than instinct. I just see so many people who say that they always trust their instincts, but really you don't know that you were right. You only know you're right if you *don't* do anything and your child is harmed. If you keep your child away from everyone based on instinct, you don't have any way to judge if you were right. So the whole "instinct" thing is illogical to me.

That aside, I recognize people I've known who fit your description. They're loud and want everyone to know how much they do, what they have, how much they paid for their car, etc. Yes, they drive me bonkers, too, but I don't think those traits make them dangerous - just annoying.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by mommia

I agree that there are people whose gut reaction is based on a prejudice or other misnotion and that is sad, but that is not the type of person that I am.

You have made a number of biased comments on this thread. For starters, a dad being alone with his son & friends bothers you. Second, you said that it's far, far more likely for a man to be a pedophile, which is becoming statistically less true.

You have problems with people who may spend lavishly, get their kids' sailing lessons, go to Vegas. Oh, and the comment that your kids' parties are "more creativity than money dropped" as if people who make good money and people who are creative are mutually exclusive. And then the classic "wealthy or pretending to be." Yeah, I'd say you have *major* biases that you're not aware of or able to admit to having.

We all have biases. To state definitively that you have none suggests to me that perhaps you aren't really in tune with your true feelings.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

For starters, a dad being alone with his son & friends bothers you.

This is a really an odd one to me. I don't have a son, but I would hope that if I did, my DH would do guy stuff with him and his friends, like I sometimes do nails with my DDs and their friends.

Is it really so unusually for a father to do things with his son and his friends?

[sapphire_chan]

Really, though, it doesn't matter if there's a reason to have bad feelings about the guy that will convince everyone reading this thread. They'll both be volunteering at the school in their respective kids' classrooms and she doesn't care for this guy and that's a good enough reason to ask to have the kids in different rooms.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Really, though, it doesn't matter if there's a reason to have bad feelings about the guy that will convince everyone reading this thread. They'll both be volunteering at the school in their respective kids' classrooms and she doesn't care for this guy and that's a good enough reason to ask to have the kids in different rooms.

I see it differently. Over the course of 12+ years, a parent is going to come into contact with many other parents that rub them the wrong way for some reason or another. This will not be the last time this happens. I think that talking to the school about the boys being in different classes because the OP doesn't like the other boy's father can be potentially VERY damaging to the father. They boys themselves are obviously not at odds. The OP has never even *talked* to the other father. She is judging from a distance based on some flimsy evidence, and only that the guy seems off to her.

When she walks into that office to ask that her son not be in the boy's classroom, if the administrators are worth anything, they'll want to know why. What is the OP going to say? The boys get along... there isn't a bully issue. Is she going to lie about it? Or tell the truth? Either way, it's a really bad situation. The administrators are going to have to document a reason for the request.

The original question is "is that asking too much?". The answer is, "Yes, it is." And there have been many great reasons WHY it is asking too much.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by velochic

When she walks into that office to ask that her son not be in the boy's classroom, if the administrators are worth anything, they'll want to know why. What is the OP going to say?

"Timmy's father's personality is annoying to me because of my own issues. Since these early years mean a lot of volunteer time in the classroom, I was hoping you'd consider having our kids in separate rooms to make it more comfortable for both of us to contribute as much time as we'd like. Thanks!"

Yeah, the school will but they'll probably also : and see it as no huge deal to assign the kids different classes. It all depends on how many requests like that they have to deal with.

And yes, they'll probably still come into contact on group fieldtrips and I hope the OP will take the time to consider the guy as though she had never heard anything about him and honestly consider whether it would truly be a problem to work with him in a volunteer capacity, but that can happen when she's not feeling anxious.

[arihillfarm]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

I guess I just can't imagine judging someone else basically based on a freakin' limo filled with kindergarten kids. I don't get it.

Well, were they all properly restrained, in booster seats or harnessed for those under 65-70 lbs? I am being facetious of course, but if we're all looking for _something_ to judge SuperDad on, I guess that could be it. :-)

-Astrid