would this be asking too much? - Page 3

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by mommia

My mom did that too and it worked well most years except one where all the teachers were not the best option and she picked the one who seemed best, and she was the least of all the evils, it was still a lousy year. I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter... Hope she got a great teacher this year

She's in grade 10 now, and the difference in help between the elementary and high school has been phenomenal.

[mommia]

Originally Posted by MariaMadly

I would examine very closely what it is that bothers me; sometimes our gut tells us before we're able to organize our thoughts, but it often all comes together at some point.

Anyhow, I'd consider a letter requesting separate class placement in the general terms PPs have outlined. Would STRONGLY encourage the suggestion re volunteer screening. Also, can you submit a letter about who drives your child on field trips? I.e. limit it to you, a staff member, maybe a friend or two? Or maybe specifying that this particular parent not drive your child?

Very good advice. I'm the only one so far who has ever driven him, and totally agree that the people on your list would be the only ones I would ever even consider. The volunteer screening as suggested before would definitely be a good idea, to what extent they could afford to do I don't know but it would definitely be a good idea.

[mommia]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

She's in grade 10 now, and the difference in help between the elementary and high school has been phenomenal.

I'm so glad to hear that! And the other thing I always think with high school and junior high is that one bad teacher if there is one doesn't have nearly the same impact because it's not that same teacher all day and if it's really bad usually there are options to drop that class and move to another or something. Plus they're not nearly as vulnerable as in grade school you know.

[mommia]

I really appreciate all the points of view, thanks!

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Ah.... you just have to know how to work the system. I've gotten great placements for ds by describing the qualities of the teacher that he would do best with. "Ds would do best in a quiet, structured classroom, with a teacher who will challenge him, even though he is quiet." If you're specific enough, you can describe the one or two teachers who would fit your child best. That's not making a teacher request, it's describing how our children learn and who would be a good fit for them.

For kids, I agree that being vague as to "Ds and so-and-so might do better in different classrooms." will work best. I'm going to do that for dd. We have a neighbor girl who is fine, but I know that if she and dd are in the same class, I'm going to hear about conflicts all year.

LOL! I know how to work the system just fine, thanks. I've made a point of volunteering in the classroom and the school, working on parent councils, fostering good relationships with the teachers and principal. I'm pretty sure any request I wanted would be granted, thanks to good relationships. But I've also taught my children how to negotiate too - which often means how to deal with difficult people and challenging situations. We don't avoid them, we meet them head on and work things out. So I have rarely felt like I had to make a request. I trusted my children and myself to manage situations.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by mommia

Of course I would never allow him to ride in his car or go to a birthday party. If it was just a matter of not liking the guy I could live with that. I typically get along well with everyone whether they're my favorite person or not I can usually find some common ground. It's the gut instinct that something is not right. And if I just didn't like him I would never in a million years expect that they be seperated on those grounds: ).

Originally Posted by mommia

Nothing to do with lavish birthday parties, that doesn't matter at all to me it's something else all together I didn't mean for that to be the issue...sorry if it came off that way. It's a guy alone in a limo with all these helpless little boys. No I wouldn't put my ds in that situation BUT It's a bad feeling a gut feeling, and it's not just from that. And I agree wording a request that way would get me nowhere, I definitely won't word it that way, thanks.

Originally Posted by mommia

It's not bullying. It's a gut instinct, hair standing up on the back of my neck thing. And in the past the few times that that has happened I've been dead on... I definitely don't envy the administrators and staff balancing the class ratios, I totally understand that and don't want to make things difficult... it's so hard raising kids isn't it.... I just want to do what's right by my child.

You were rather vague for quite awhile about the issue. "Hair standing up on the back of your neck" isn't really a good basis for making a classroom placement request. If I've read through all of your posts on the subject correctly, you think he's a pedophile. It isn't that he is overindulgent or that he's rude or that you don't like him. You really did confuse the issue by raising these matters. If you are going to make a request to the school, I don't think you will help your case by being so vague and confusing, so I'd avoid these issues.

You may want to consider that if he lives in your community and is frequently in your child's school, then keeping your child and his apart during classtime will not lessen the risk to your child. That dad will still be in the school at the same time as your child. Perhaps you could clarify how you think it would help, since you've already said that you wouldn't let your child accept birthday invitations, ride in cars etc. with this man.

I can understand that you would want to limit your child's contact with someone you think is a pedophile. I'd suggest though, that you may also want to spend some time "street proofing" your child. It will likely be far more effective in keeping him safe than trying to separate the two children.

[Linda on the move]

My child's school has a policy that parent volunteers are never alone with any child. All school staff have background checks.

A parent can't even work with a child one on one in the hallway.

[cloe]

Initially I would sugest that my child be seperated from the other child. If that didn't occur and they were placed in the same class I would express in writing that under no circumstances is my child allowed to interact with this man. Reiterate this with your child. My understanding is that the school can read between the lines be on the lookout not only for your son but for the class as a whole. They are not interested in having a pedaphile on campus and should be on the lookout for possible lawsuits. I am sure if someone had done this at my elementaray school the "storyteller" who used to come would never had contact with the great number of students he went on to molest. Trust your instincts.

[CarrieMF]

Originally Posted by cloe

Initially I would sugest that my child be seperated from the other child. If that didn't occur and they were placed in the same class I would express in writing that under no circumstances is my child allowed to interact with this man. Reiterate this with your child. My understanding is that the school can read between the lines be on the lookout not only for your son but for the class as a whole. They are not interested in having a pedaphile on campus and should be on the lookout for possible lawsuits. I am sure if someone had done this at my elementaray school the "storyteller" who used to come would never had contact with the great number of students he went on to molest. Trust your instincts.

except this is assuming the guy has done something wrong & there is NOTHING posted that shows that. Sure there is always the chance that he *may* be a pedophile, but there's that chance with everyone, male or female. The chances are HIGHER that he's not.

She has never even talked to the guy. She has judged him & in her mind accused/convincted him of something that she can't even clarify.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

My child has a policy that parent volunteers are never alone with any child. All school staff have background checks.

A parent can't even work with a child one on one in the hallway.

I would expect this to be true in most places.

OP, pedophiles are everywhere (as are other dangerous creepy people). They walk among us. You cannot possibily meet every single parent.

Go ahead and ask for a different classroom placement for your son if it will make you feel better. (It beats being tense for the year and having to be the bad guy and say no to possible playdates, parties, etc)

However, what I really think needs to be done is advocating for tighter security within the school. Schools should be such places that it would be very difficult to molest a child - criminal record checks should be done, parents should not be alone with kids, etc.

[itsmyturn]

If it were me I would send a short email to the principal
"If it is at all possible, I would like request that Johhny not be placed in the same the class as Jimmy next year. If it is not an option, I thank you anyways"

I would not go into details or get pushy. Make your request short & sweet and to the point. I don't see the harm in asking no matter what your reason.

[cloe]

But she does have the right to advocate for her child. She does have the right to say whom her child interacts with. The school does not employ the man. He has no legal right to be in a classroom interacting with her kid at a public school. The child has a right to be in a public school with teachers and other kids not with parents. As I said in my previous post there actually was a volunteer pedophile that was at my school growing up so I am super sensitive about it. He has since been in jail 7 times for rape and sodomy on numerous children. So yes I feel that if the parents who felt uncomfortable with their children interacting with him had spoken up he would have been exposed sooner. If parents feel that their children can not be shown a movie, given a particular book or taught sex and drug education then surely they can also say that they are not to be allowed to interact with a certain volunteer. No reason to give explanations or accusations. Just a simple I am not comfortable with them being around so and so please ensure that they are kept separate.

I am not suggesting that she go into the school and say that she has decided that this man is a pedophile and he better stay away from her son. She is not the judge and jury. But she defiantly has the right to say that her kid is not allowed to interact with this or that person. I make that decision with my kids every day, as do most parents. I have defiantly had this feeling with someone and I would never have my kids alone with this person. I also never gave a reason for it, why would I? It isn’t a feeling that comes along often but when it does she has the right to listen to her instincts just as you have the right to listen to yours.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by cloe

. She does have the right to say whom her child interacts with. The school does not employ the man. He has no legal right to be in a classroom interacting with her kid at a public school.

.

I don't know. I am not out and out disagreeing...just saying I do not know.

She is a parent, she does not get to dictate who volunteers in the class.

If she said " Ds is never to be near xyz"

The school may very well come back with "the school decides who volunteers".

To a degree this is how it should be. If a place decided I shouldn't volunteer based on a single parents unproven concerns, I would not be amused. I may even threatten them with a libel or discrimination suit. You cannot exclude people without grounds.

I will re-iterate that it makes far more sense to ensure the volunteer policy is safe and compliant with reasonable protocal for working with vulnerable (children) populations.

[cloe]

I'm sorry I didn't mean that she should have the right to say he isn't allowed to volunteer at the school. Only that he not interact with her kid. That is if he is doing reading with individual children her kid would do something else. Her child would me made aware that that was going on but not be anounced to the class in general.

Kathymuggle, I totally agree in that the volunteer protocol should be looked at in all schools not just this one.

[LynnS6]

What are your district's volunteer policy's?

In ours, no volunteer can be alone with a child out of sight of a certified teacher and all volunteers have to complete background checks. In those circumstances, I can't see how having my child in the same classroom as the parent who you intensely distrust can be a problem.

If it comes to chaperoning field trips and things, then I think you can (and should) request that your son never be put in a group with him, or simply volunteer yourself and they'll always put your child in the same group with you.

As for your parents, I'd say they did a tremendous job with you: They taught you to honor your instincts and supported you when you did. Every child has opportunities to get into uncomfortable situations. I pray that my children will trust their gut as much as you did.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

LOL! I know how to work the system just fine, thanks. I've made a point of volunteering in the classroom and the school, working on parent councils, fostering good relationships with the teachers and principal. I'm pretty sure any request I wanted would be granted, thanks to good relationships.

I'd had all that for 7 years, and still got turned down.

[mommia]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

You were rather vague for quite awhile about the issue. "Hair standing up on the back of your neck" isn't really a good basis for making a classroom placement request. If I've read through all of your posts on the subject correctly, you think he's a pedophile. It isn't that he is overindulgent or that he's rude or that you don't like him. You really did confuse the issue by raising these matters. If you are going to make a request to the school, I don't think you will help your case by being so vague and confusing, so I'd avoid these issues.

You may want to consider that if he lives in your community and is frequently in your child's school, then keeping your child and his apart during classtime will not lessen the risk to your child. That dad will still be in the school at the same time as your child. Perhaps you could clarify how you think it would help, since you've already said that you wouldn't let your child accept birthday invitations, ride in cars etc. with this man.

I can understand that you would want to limit your child's contact with someone you think is a pedophile. I'd suggest though, that you may also want to spend some time "street proofing" your child. It will likely be far more effective in keeping him safe than trying to separate the two children.

I had no intention of bringing those or any issues into the equation to be honest, just a simple request.

And for the record rereading my original post you are 100% right it does come acrosss as vague and I didn't mean to skirt the issue. I mentioned the limo to you guys I guess because yes it does seem over the top considering the age, no problem/great idea for a 16th birthday, a last day of elementary/junior high(going on to junior high or high school). I didn't want to outright accuse anyone of anything I think I wanted to se if anyone else said anything about the inappropriateness. But the huge issue the inappropriateness of all those little boys alone in a limo with a man...that is what I should have posted in all honesty. That is the BIG issue I had with it and I apologize for being vague.

I totally have made my child street smart, but even so an attempt to do something innapropriate even if failed would affect a child also don't you think.

We live in a big city and don't go to school in our neighborhood so the community contact with him is highly unlikely.

And yes the other issues are a moot point you are right.

I think I'm going to step back from the issue for a little while since I have the time to do so before it's an issue, I may hope for the best and worst case scenario if he is in the same class instruct my dc to avoid him, that he is never to ride in a car with him etc and I will continue to volunteer a ton. I'm not noticing now that he's been at the school so hopefully he won't be. And if there is ever any reason for me to suspect something I will do what I need to to protect all the kids.

Thanks for your input, I do appreciate it!

[mommia]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

I'd had all that for 7 years, and still got turned down.

That really stinks.

[mommia]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

What are your district's volunteer policy's?

In ours, no volunteer can be alone with a child out of sight of a certified teacher and all volunteers have to complete background checks. In those circumstances, I can't see how having my child in the same classroom as the parent who you intensely distrust can be a problem.

If it comes to chaperoning field trips and things, then I think you can (and should) request that your son never be put in a group with him, or simply volunteer yourself and they'll always put your child in the same group with you.

As for your parents, I'd say they did a tremendous job with you: They taught you to honor your instincts and supported you when you did. Every child has opportunities to get into uncomfortable situations. I pray that my children will trust their gut as much as you did.

Thank you so much! I totally agree there are always going to be uncomfortable/potentially unsafe situations and also pray that my child trusts his instints and have taught him to listen to his gut on anything from stopping eating when he starts feeling full to honoring any bad feelings and have taught him that no matter what we'll always come to get him if he's uncomfortable with a situation.

Definitely I will continue to always drive for field trips and in the classroom, and will request that I never want him with him period.

Your school sounds like it has a great volunteer policy, all schools should do background checks. I'm thinking it's the cost issue though. And the other thought is someone can have a clean background but just never have been caught kwim...

I appreciate your post, the comment on my parents made me smile and I'll have to pass it on definitely, thanks. And your point of view does make me feel better, in the event that we're unlucky I'll be extra vigilent and stress to my son even more safety issues and trusting himself and will take steps with the teacher to ensure he's never with him in a group and otherwise continue volunteering and always driving as I have been: ). And the thing is when I said about the background checks not catching everyone unfortunately it made me think about the fact that there will always be bad guys out there and the ones that you know to be wary of are the least of your worries. You can never be too safe. Think of all the people who trust priests and boyscout leaders with heartbreaking results....

Thanks you again for your post and we'll both keep stressing to our loved ones to listen to thier instincts and we will be there to back them up (just like my parents did for me).

[mommia]

Originally Posted by cloe

I'm sorry I didn't mean that she should have the right to say he isn't allowed to volunteer at the school. Only that he not interact with her kid. That is if he is doing reading with individual children her kid would do something else. Her child would me made aware that that was going on but not be anounced to the class in general.

Kathymuggle, I totally agree in that the volunteer protocol should be looked at in all schools not just this one.

The bold is a really good point and where I'm going to go with this combined with ALWAYS driving for field trips like I do now and volunteering lots myself.